February 16th, 2013 8:30 PM
Just over four years ago I met a lovely young lady at a wedding. I was immediately enamored of her gregariousness and penchant for smiling. She had been in the wedding party and was wearing a lovely summer dress during the festivities after the wedding itself. She had tattoos and cute feet and a fantastic smile. My date to said festivities warned me to stay away from the aforementioned young woman. My date told me that the young woman in question was trouble. She would be problematic. I was looking good. I wore a suit. The young woman noticed me and she smiled. She had a fantastic smile. We started talking. I bought her a drink. We jumped on a trampoline. I bought her another drink. At some point I think she bought me a drink. Maybe two. My date drank too much and I asked the young lady to check up on her. Later on in the day, after my date was feeling a bit better, the young lady with the tattoos was being strapped into a sumo suit to do battle in the way that is apparently traditional to Wisconsin weddings and I decided that it was time to make a bold declaration of my intentions, so I kissed her on the lips for good luck. I don't recall what the outcome of the sumo battle was, but after the sun went down the young lady with tattoos and I ended up in an inflatable pit with pugil sticks. I managed to put her down with a sucker's swing but after she dropped her stick it was a simple matter for her to tackle me. We kissed. Then we did what boys and girls do at weddings.
The next day I decided that I hadn't had enough of the young lady. I used the vast, nearly limitless scope of the Internet to find her via the Book of Faces, tracing a network of friends and acquaintances until I located her wall, then I sent her a message to declare my further intentions. My wedding date, who was one of my closer friends, upon discovering my intentions, warned me again to reconsider. I was not swayed to discontinue my attempt. The young lady and I remained in touch, despite her initial desire to keep what had happened at the wedding at the wedding. We traded witticisms. She attacked my ego. I retaliated with self-deprecating humor. We went to see a movie with Will Smith in the lead role. Then we took a Batman film. At some point we fell in love. We created a relationship. I'm sure that you can see where this is going, given the nature of the task.
It was beautiful. It was crazy. It completely fell to pieces due to no external influences whatsoever.
I'd add her as a collaborator in this task if I didn't feel that it would be a nearly unforgivable slap in the face.
We created something incredible. It's a shame about the autodestruct. But I'm grateful for what we had.
I'm not going to include any photographs, charts, dates or hard data. If pressed, I may elaborate, even embellish.
I regret that it fell apart but I'll never regret that it happened.