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15 + 142 points

Flat Stanley's Rumspringa by Lincøln, JJason Recognition, zer0gee, Bjørn Teuleuse, anna one

September 30th, 2008 3:00 PM

INSTRUCTIONS: Give Flat Stanley a rumspringa.

Chicago, IL

Flat Stanley

Saint Paul, MN

Now, I figured that a rumspringa's not just about showing naive amish kids a mindblowing good time, that's just the most photogenic part of it. Really though, a rumspringa is about having an honest appraisal of life outside the amish community, so that youths can make informed decisions. With that in mind I set out to show Flat Stanley how my life usually goes, showing him my average activities. I also figured that since I was his first stop, I'd take it easy on him.
I think they bought it - nobody will know how boring my life is!!
So I took Flat Stanley through a fairly average day, showing him the things I like to do. I also took the time to decorate his back. "Nobody out here in the rest of the world" I told him "will trust somebody without any features on their back."
Bagels for Me!
Seat Again
Hey man, now you're really living

Bjorn Teuleuse
San Francisco

Forgoing the use of "English" worldly possessions up until his ripe young age of 16, Flat came to Bjorn all the way from JJason in Saint Paul to experience, what most have considered, a quintessential countercultural experience. San Francisco, and its uncanny resemblance to Sodom and Gomorrah set the stage for a pleasantly intoxicating first time with Psycotropics. Due to Marijuana's decriminalization, Flat kindly asked for this to be his first experience with mind altering substances. He ended up smoking a fair amount while he was here, and one can clearly say that this is his preferred poison. Blunt
This of course peaked his interest in other things...after all, Mary Jane IS a gateway drug. He wanted eagerly to partake in phsychedelia so he went for a stroll in the not so friendly tenderloin... The camera did not follow him here because it would have, in truth, created quite the altercation with the abundant amount of Trans Sex Workers dressed in Superhero Costumes....Wonderwoman isn't doin so hot these days...HE has been plagued with quite the rash. ALAS, he escaped the temptation to respond to multiple scantily clad solicitations and wandered into Bob's Donuts where they made Flat one of the largest Donuts he'd ever encountered. The Tenderloin at 2:00AM
Of course, his drug induced undeniable hunger had set in and he devoured the entire thing...which rendered him done for. This was just one day, the rest were relatively tame but lets just say he was taken by surprise when the fetishistic change of hands that occured had hardly any resemblance to his week with Bjorn...and to Anna One he went...

anna one
San Francisco, California

Stanley seemed pretty excited to come visit me at work- I had no idea that he'd jump head first into the fetish world, but jump he did, with gusto! Once he saw what earthly delights we had on offer, he had me make him a custom y-harness. I must say, his sizing was a little different from our usual customers... I went ahead and finished off his gear with some wrist and ankle restraints, since we don't really carry boots and things in his size. Then he made is way out onto the floor of the store and saw the hoods that I usually spend my day making:
He begged and begged me to make him his very own custom hood- so while he got to know a few of the boys on the floor, I got to work. After Stanley played around in the dildo room, the boys took him through a few of the more... ahem, heavy-gear playthings we have around. At this point, Stanley started going places that I didn't think were entirely appropriate to be photographing and posting on the internet... but you get the idea:
When he finally dragged himself home in the wee hours of the morning, Lank decided that he needed to take a little toke and calm the hell down. One look at that boy's tired eyes tells a whole story of how much fun he's been having on this little experimental trip.
He slept late into the afternoon next day, so he missed out on the Shopping Cart Derby, and the Cardboard Tube Battle too- but he finally showed up to hang out in Delores Park with a few other players. I guess he just never got completely out of subspace, because after a little while, he threw his hood back on, and gave Minch a little back massage.
It's been fun showing him around, but I'm kind of glad he's made his way off for adventure with Lincoln...

Sometime in September, I received this message from a non-playing friend:
Hey anna!

Why is there a link in the most recent Burning Man newsletter about a missing S&M Flat Stanley with a link to a picture of said paper doll on your sf0 page?


This is what I love about this game. The questions.

Los Angeles, California
(actually Black Rock City)

So I got Flat Stanley in San Francisco, and took him straight away to Black Rock City.Flat Stanley in Black Rock City
I figured that would be a fantastic place for him to really experience everything he might be missing in his life. And boy was I right.
I made him a little carrier out of his envelope that was taped to my bike and I took him everywhere with me.Stanley's carriage
On his adventures in Black Rock City he saw more naked people than any of his friends likely ever will. I let a neighbor friend of mine take him into her tent and do anything she liked to him (Lisa said he performed very well, good going Stan!). He got to see a naughty clown strip tease fire juggling act. He sat at the top of Thunderdome and shouted "TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!" over and over again. He drank all night with a group of guys from England who were obsessed with football. He knows well the taste of playa dust (and said he rather likes it). He rode inside the nekobus as well as many cool art cars, and he stayed up all night most nights dancing. He really liked dancing.
We saw all kinds of awesome things.Stanley enjoying the sights
Stanley and The Man
I even took him to a strip club, he seemed to really enjoy that. It was just like dancing, except somebody else was doing it and they took their clothes off.Stanley at a strip club
But no good thing lasts forever. During his adventures in Black Rock City, I left him alone in his envelope on my bike when I went roller skating one day, and when I was done and went to get my bike and go on more adventures with my little buddy, I discovered that my bike was gone. And with it, Stanley. I was very upset to have lost him. The next day I went door to door and asked every single camp that was near where my bike was stolen if they had seen him, but that method surely wouldn't work as there are 50,000 people there and there is no way to get in contact with them all. So I did the only thing I could do. I went on the radio.
I recorded an announcement to be played on Radio Free Burning Man.
Radio PSA
I got no response and nobody had turned him in by midday on Monday after most people had left.
So when I got home I let Jack Rabbit Speak for me by posting a note in the email flier that goes out to all Burners.
I got this message from a concerned Burner in response:
I read with great despair the missing-paper report on Flat Stanley, and I pray for his speedy return. My prayers will be offered with black candles, a pentagram, and a steaming goat head, fyi. If, by some horribly unfortunate circumstance, Stanley is not returned to you, I would happily fabricate another sm-bondage paper guy for you to play with. I realize this could never compensate, nor fully console you, on this loss, but perhaps it might offer some hope while journeying through this dark period.

Steve Dyson
Los Angeles

So I guess that marks the end of Flat Stanley's adventures (that we're aware of).

Stanley was supposed to travel on to C.M. & Insomniac Walking, but because he went off on his own in Black Rock City they never got to meet Stanley and be enriched by his presence. We're sorry you two never got to meet him.

But we all hope that Flat Stanley is off enjoying his life away from us. I guess he's all growned up now.

+ larger

Flat Stanley
Strange Package
Flat Stanley
A Typical Day
Computer Box
Bagels for Me!
Seat Again
More Bars
Hey man, now you're really living
Apples to Apples
The Tenderloin at 2:00AM
Flat Stanley goes to Mr. S Leather
Not content with his new harness and cuffs...
Those things are bigger than he is!
Stanley redefines our definition of 'play'.
That bed's a little big for him...
He kinda gets lost in all that leather.
Oh noes!
Flat Stanley's in the man-cage!
Once at Madame S...
When he finally came home...
All this partying is taking it's toll...
Next day,
Mmm... burritos!
Still in service...
Flat Stanley in Black Rock City
Stanley enjoying the sights
Stanley and The Man
Stanley under The Man
Dance club
Stanley at a strip club
Stanley liked the ladies
Stanley and stripper
Stanley's carriage
On Air
Radio PSA

36 vote(s)

Favorite of:


shplank, everyoneshouldsee

18 comment(s)

(no subject)
posted by Morte on September 30th, 2008 3:08 PM

Wow, I wish I had been involved in this one. I would have loved to take Flat Stanley around on a typical day in my life.....

Which one of these things doesn't belong?
posted by Waldo Cheerio on September 30th, 2008 4:13 PM

JJason, I admire your efforts to show Stanley a life of subtle pleasures; the convenience and comfort of technology and modern things. But custom BDSM gear, designer psychotropics, and a Burning Man experience so deep you never came out the other side... Flat Stanley never had a chance.

I really want to know what the glasnost gods C.M. and Insomniac Walking could have done next. Seriously, C.M., Insomniac, get in here, I need your creative brains to see how where you go after Burning Man with this thing.

(no subject)
posted by JJason Recognition on September 30th, 2008 4:17 PM

Somebody needed to ease Flat into the modern world.

Plus I was the only one who sent Stanley out on time...

(no subject) +2
posted by Jellybean of Thark on October 1st, 2008 8:18 AM

Mr. Flat would've come to my place mostly to recuperate. I knew that by the time Lincoln was done with him he would've been through some amazing, though in no small way taxing adventures. Carrying on in the spirit of Rumpsringa, I would've taken him to Disneyland. Maybe followed by a visit to the Ripley's Museum in Hollywood and then a night of theater. Somewhat more mundane after what came before, but still a thick hearty slice of modern world.

Though from what I've read, time spent with him would be spent mostly trying to keep him out of trouble, as the morning of the trip, he would've no doubt drunk up all our wine, downed that bottle of Pimm's before discovering the foil-wrapped little thing I've been hiding in the back of my freezer. The stuff likely kicking in somewhere around where the Disneyland railroad was coming on into the Primeval World diorama. I imagine he then would've leapt from his seat onto one of the pterodactyls and that might be the last we hear from him until he resurfaces in the Mickey Mouse jail babbling about "Deh fockin' astronauts from anudda moon" that wanted him to talk Mickey Mouse into joining their cause.

This is of course only speculation.

(no subject)
posted by Minch on September 30th, 2008 4:37 PM

I have no points to offer.... and I so want to vote for this. My rub down by a hooded Flat Stanely is something I will never forget!

(no subject)
posted by Bryce on September 30th, 2008 6:59 PM

Must. Vote. When. Have. Points!

(no subject)
posted by Augustus deCorbeau on September 30th, 2008 5:03 PM

My favorite part is when the mustache suddenly appears!

(no subject)
posted by Burn Unit on November 24th, 2009 6:34 AM

right. did flat stanley grow a moustache because he suddenly became a man... or was it because he not-so-suddenly became a folsom man?

that stache is like, so gay.

(no subject) +1
posted by Jellybean of Thark on October 1st, 2008 8:04 AM

I award you this bee:

(no subject)
posted by Mr Everyday on October 2nd, 2008 5:47 AM

I love the note - especially the part asking for photos of where he's been.

(no subject)
posted by Charlie Fish on October 17th, 2008 12:24 PM

And a thousand thousand kudos points to anna one for making him a hood. In stitches, it had me.

(no subject)
posted by Lincøln on October 17th, 2008 3:27 PM

I'm really sad that he went off on his own and didn't get to meet Salvatore.

(no subject) +3
posted by anna one on October 30th, 2008 9:59 PM

I just thought I'd mention that the owner of Mr. S asked me yesterday if I would make tiny hoods to sell as xmas ornaments. The Flat-Stanley design will live on... but only through the holidays. Place your orders now!

tee hee . . . "hood ornaments". . . *snicker snicker* +4
posted by Loki on October 31st, 2008 12:37 AM

Yes! That's what I said! ...I want to make ones with little reindeer antlers... +1
posted by anna one on October 31st, 2008 2:01 AM

(no subject)
posted by Minch on October 31st, 2008 2:28 PM

i will hang one of your hood ornaments in my house anna one. proudly.

(no subject)
posted by Sundroplets on November 10th, 2008 4:32 AM

Oh I wanna do something like this! How about Bedoin Betty? We take her from a small middle eastern village in Oman and send her around the world. Incidentally I actually did have a student last year that had never been to Muscat (the capital), had never seen a movie, and had never been out of the house alone EVER. Kind of blows your mind.

Hmmm could this be a task I could submit? Or is it too much of a copy cat? :)

I would be fun to see her around the world though... how would London compare to New York?

(no subject)
posted by Wolf on November 16th, 2009 9:23 PM

This rather old task confused me no end, but any misgivings I had were quelled upon seeing Flat Stanley in BDSM gear. Then I gained enlightenment and saw the awesome.