I friend gave me a bike for my birthday.

My thought process: "I am super excited. I haven't ridden a bike in years! This will be fantastic. I can go on even more adventures in the city!"

I should give a little back story here: when I first learned to ride a bike - the day we took the training wheels off I rode straight into a cactus.

I was on a mission to overcome a deep seeded fear of bikes and their cruel relationships with cacti.

In an attempt to face this fear head on I think "Hey, why don't I ride my bike home from work, that'll be great!"

I work in the financial district. People tried to warn me... "You haven't ridden a bike in years, maybe you shouldn't start out in rush hour traffic down town."

But no - I am a stubborn ass.

This is what happens when a stubborn ass crashes into a parked car and flips face first onto the asphalt of Mission. I didn't even make it a block from work.



My guide and witness convinced me to get back on the bike and try a night ride... much nicer, and sans any near fatal injuries. Later, reliving the crash made us nearly cry from laughing so hard. If only we had gotten a picture of me laying face first under a city bus! Somehow the fact that, had the bus been moving, I could have been run over only made it all the more hilarious. There is a fine line between death and humor.

. . .

I like to share my humiliation with others (obviously, as I am completing this task). I sent an email out to my family and friends last night with the above photograph and a short description of how I ended up face planting on a city street.

My father's email reply is priceless:

"Maybe you should invest in full body armor!! Send pics of the colorific leg once it turns, ..... AND, be careful out there. -- dad"

Today when I woke up, I realized my knee is actually swollen, I have a slight limp, and there are bruises on the back of my calf I didn't even notice yesterday.



My co-workers have nic named me "Crash" and my friend who gave me the bike sent me this:
"Deep inside you are a 5 foot 1 ballerina. But god put you in a 5 foot 10 carrying case. Of course there's gonna be some problems."

. . .

Office Event. On my feet all day. Surprisingly, moving around helps. I get stiff in the knees if I sit still for too long... but stairs are still not my friends...

. . .

These bruises hurt. They hurt when I sit for too long. They hurt when I roll over in my sleep. They hurt the most when I wake up in the morning. However, what they apparently do not do, is turn any spectacular colors. A friend even sent me a link to "How to Photograph Domestic Violence" to give me tips on properly photographing bruises.



The bruises are not cooperating.