Target: Daddy
This elaborate plot was hatched from the room next to his... And he never even knew...
My idea was for something to do with Cucumbers.
When i read about "Cucumber Season", I realized my first message was perfect.
"Cucumber season". The term, from Norwegian, refers to the period from
sometime in early June, when Parliament and the public schools recess,
until mid-August when the schools start up again and people return from
their summer holidays. The name of this season comes from the
observation that during this period, newspapers have little to write
about - since nothing much happens - and so are forced to report on
non-news, such as outsized and/or weirdly shaped vegetables such as
cucumbers. By extension, the term refers to newspaper articles as well
- a padded-out news item of dubious importance and inflated headline is
referred to as a cucumber."

Thus, the weird mail from "meatmeatmeat", "Cucumber_john", "duckduckmoose" and many more begins.


The first message, from "Willie Fox farms":
Subject: It's Cucumber Season!


Message
Hello there! I'm John Spar from Willie Fox Farms: Your Central New York source for locally grown, organic food!
We've
heard that you're moving to New York soon, and would like to offer you
a free Cucumber Basket, our special gift to new customers for a limited
time!
You will receive one of each type of cucumber:

Slicing Cucumbers

Sweet Slice Burpless Straight 8 Poinsett Dasher II Salad Bush Hybrid Marketmore 80 Marketmore 76

Pickling Cucumbers

Boston Pickling Miss Pickler Hybrid County Fair Hybrid Bush Pickle Hybrid Eureka Hybrid

Cucumbers suitable for containers and planters:

Pickle Bush Pot Luck Bush Champion Parks Bush Whopper Salad Bush Spacemaster Bushmaster

Disease Resistant Cucumber Varieties

Pickling

Liberty Hybrid Saladin County Fair Ballerina Pioneer Wellington F1

Slicing

Dasher 11 Bush Crop Cobra Indio Salad Bush Sweet Slice Sweet Success Sweet Slice (burpless) Burpee Hybrid Slice Nice Slice Master Hybrid

Exotic cucumber varieties:

Lemon Armenian Palace King Hybrid Mongkut Hybrid Sooyow Nishikir White Wonder

And that's not all! Sign up for our Frequent Cucumber Club and you'll get double the amount!
One for you and one for a loved one!
It's the perfect Valentine's gift!

Please reply within a week for more information.
This is a limited time offer!

As the Chinese say, "Man who eat cucumber live long time, have good party!"



The second message, from a distraught mother, who apparently knows a family secret:
Subject: "We'll tell"

Message:
Charles Dewat Cleburne!, if you don't reply we're telling the police all about what you did and how you did it.
I'm only saying this once.
We need to know where you are, and you need to come home.
That Gaby girl is not right for you and you know it!
And I told you you can't have a girlfriend until this whole thing
settles down and we make sure the body's officially in Mexico.
Now, I don't want to be mean, but as your mother I need to punish you
when you do wrong, so if you do not break up with that girl and come
home we are telling the police.

You'll always be our little Charles Dewat, we miss you,
Mother

Daddy's Response: He didn't believe this was an actual person, and instead decided someone must be sending him strange mail as a prank... A student?


The Third message was much shorter, and just said
Subject: Meat

Message: Meat meat is such a treat, give me something good to eat...
MEAT!!!!

Daddy's response: He thought this one was really funny, since the last "MEAT!!!" was colored bright pink.
He said it seems like something I'd do, but I denied it.

The fourth:
Subject: Duck duck moose

Message:

Do you like moose?
Do you like duck?
Do you like two duck?
Get two duck one moose at good deal!
Be happy with happy moose and happy duck they make you happy.
Very cheap! Reply soon!
Give you nice mallards!
Then yet another:

His response: He thought the mallards part sounded like me, but he started wondering if it was a chinese scam.
His theory: Someone has made a computer program to sign up for random-named accounts and send him strange mail, that's decided randomly by a program.
WRONG :D I do it the hard way: signing up one at a time.
Day Two

Subject: Blues Grues
Message:

You are in a dark cave_
You are carrying
1 flashlight
1 dagger
1 rope
2 kit kat bars

You sense a grue nearby_
There is a tunnel N and a tunnel S_
What do you do?

_

Subject: Eat good fud

Message:
do you like fud?
Good fuud!!!!!!!!! cow eat fud to!!!!!!!!!!
Eat sushiburger for good health!
yum yum RAw fish and MEAtCow for yum good fuud.
Eat like fly eat garbage and enjoy much yum food
tasty day happy happy smiley good yum!
FUUD MAKE GUUD

MEAT IS EAT WITH M beefor!!!!


Message three: (Charles doesn't reply, so Cucumber John gets mad)
Subject: Cucumber John will break your legs
Message:

Dear Charles Cleburne,

Well see here, I'd have thought you'd have replied by now!
My feelings are rather hurt, you see, no one, NO ONE, turns down Cucumber John's offer of every cucumber that exists!
I have people who can do bad things to you.
And we don't want that now, do we?
You're starting a new life in New York, getting away from, who? Your evil mother?
Yeah, that's how it always is with you kids.
And I'm sure you don't want any trouble when you get here.
So why don't you just accept my damn cucumbers and we can get this over with!

His response:
He emailed them all to me because I said I wished I got weird mail.
Me: You got MORE of them?!
Daddy: Yup, keep getting more and more.
Me: Can you block them?
Daddy: I could mark them as spam, but I am enjoying them.

Message four:
Subject: Dead Cow Enterprise
Message:
Dear Mister Charles D. Cleburne,
We have accepted your request for the murder of Missus Danna Cleburne.
She will be gone and disposed of by February 19.
You must send the wire of 100,000 dollars to us before February 17 or
it will not be carried out.
After that, this will have never happened.
Tell anyone about this and you will be obliterated.


Sincerely,
Dead Cow Enterprise

Message five, from 'Charles Dewat Cleburne"'s brother, Chris Cleburne, the plot thickens....
Subject: Charles

Message:


Charles, they're coming for you. Mom told the police.
She told them everything.
It's too late for killing her.
What are you going to do? Why couldn't you just give up Gaby?
Is she really worth your life? They'll kill you, Charles, just like they killed Dad.
Remember when we were little kids?
We never even knew what the mafia was!
Remember eating ice cream in the front yard, before the shooting started?
We were so innocent then.
I could never imagine we'd end up killing a man.
I'm scared, Charles. I can't help you.
You know Mom... She'll kill me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...


This case of mistaken identity seems serious! Could Daddy have condemned this "Charles Dewat Cleburne" by not replying to his evil mother?

Then... A message from Gaby herself!

Subject:!?!?!!?!
Message:



Where were you?!!
I waited for HOURS at that new Sushiburger place and you never showed!
I can't believe you ditched me!
I know this is hard, but we never get to go on dates!!
I'm not even sure you love me any more!
Please email me! Please tell me you still care!
I sacrificed a lot for you. I HATE your mom, but I love you, so I try to tolerate her.
And I'll tolerate your crazy "escape to New York" plan. But we never communicate anymore!
I never even SEE you!
Please call or email me, or this just won't work.


~Gaby
And then, it turns out the "meatmeatmeat" letter has a follow up.
Subject: Meat
Message:
Meat meat is such a treat!
police coming

give me something good to eat...
body found
MEAT!!!

And another message from meatmeatmeat about... Badgers and mushrooms? Or is it a clue?
Subject: Badger=Mushroom

BADger badger badger badger badger badger mushroom mushROOM!

Then something bad happened. Did Charles Cleburne get arrested? It seems so, in this letter from Gaby Green:
Subject: (none)
Message:
ARRESTED?!?!?!
Oh my God Charles! MURDER!?!?!
Tell me you've been framed... It's your mom... right? she did this!
Right?

Then a very bizarre thing happened. Daddy got an email from someone other than me saying "Hello Charles.Tanaka."
And he thinks it's from the weird email senders. Well now it's not just me! o.O
So because of that, the fact that he hadn't replied to any of the emails, and this praxis getting incredibly long, I summed it up with:

Subject: The End
Message:
Dear Charles,
We hope you enjoyed our Strange Email Story, involving the Cleburne
Murder, advertisements that have or would have tied into the story, and
the feeling (if only slightly) that you're part of it.
You were probably wondering what it was.
A small team of us here at Intergame are working on a new interactive
game involving clues sent in emails, and we have been testing it on
randomly chosen people. We hope you don't mind.
We are disappointed you did not reply, as that would have yielded new
twists in the plot and things to have fun with, but we can understand
if our emails annoyed or confused you.
The story's is not done yet in your case, but since we haven't gotten any replies we've assumed you're not interested.
However, please tell us any questions, suggestions, or angry rants you may have to help us improve our game.
Thanks for your help!


Sincerely,
The Intergame Team

Then... finally... A blessed reply!
Charles:




I have indeed enjoyed the continuing story. I have even forwarded them
to my daughter who pleaded me to reply. However, since I do
not remember signing up for them, I followed my own advice of not
responding to unsolicited email, despite my curiosity. Of course, I
often forget what I do from day to day so it may have disappeared into
that void between my ears. Did I sign up for this?


My reply:

In a roundabout way you did, sir.

You see, some mysteries have a very simple answer.

It would be great to continue sending you Strange Stories, but that would not do.

You see, sir, we have been dishonorable and dishonest about this whole thing.

We didn't ask your permission, and we lied to you, and for that we are sorry.



Then I sent him the link to this page.
Hello Daddy.