Dear huge, scary beetles who live in my kitchen, but only seem to emerge in the dead of night, You terrify me. You cause me to have nightmares in which vast numbers of you consume my living flesh and crawl all over me with your tiny, creepy feet. Here is a small amount of the dinner I made for myself a couple of nights ago. I don't want it to go to waste, so consider it a peace offering. Yours (for as long as you refrain from eating me, and even then, though in a different way, still very decidedly YOURS), Francis Worthing