I missed you all so my new goal is to hit 5000 by the time the era changes. (Does anyone know when it is? I might need a new, new goal.)
When I saw this task I knew I wanted to do it. Unfortunately, it seems that it doesn’t fit the trajectory of interest for your average Fairbanks college student.
I started with a large spool of white yarn in the Wood Center – a gathering, waiting, and studying place for students. Looking around I was impressed by the caution of my fellow students. Most were completely immune to being snuck up on. Then I spotted Fat Guy #1 and Fat Guy #2 sitting back to back… across the building from each other.
Fat Guy #1 was sitting alone in the middle of a room. I snuck up and tied the yarn to Fat Guy #1, snuck away, around the corner, and to the back of Fat Guy #2’s coat. Neither of them saw me so I sat back to watch the show.
Then the moment of truth had arrived Fat Guy #1 stood and noticed the string, he untied it laughing to himself and followed it around the corner – No, I lied. He untied it looking grumpy and walked away without following the string or so much as pulling on it. Soon after, Fat Guy #2 was informed by a passerby that he was tied up. He untied the string and sat there for another 5 minutes before getting up and walking away.
This was unacceptable. I decided to stick around and try again. I was rewarded soon when a bookworm sat down in the middle of the multilevel lounge all alone and set to work on his studies. I gathered up the abandoned yarn and snuck up behind him feeling like a million bucks – in the pocket of a master catburgler. Unfortunately, once I had the string tied I noticed that it was tangled up down the line. I stepped away and tried to get it unknotted but after a few moments I gave up and walked off to keep from getting noticed. I waited for someone else to sit down close by, but no one did before the Bookworm was finished with his study and packed up to leave.
He noticed the string, untied it and followed it to where I had dropped the other end a few yards away and left looking confused. I was foiled again!
The next target was a girl in the café upstairs with a far too tempting looking tassel on her hat. The plan was to tie the long string to her hat and then tie a candy bar to the other end and have Joe lower it down over the balcony to me where I could place it in the pocket of a boy with his back to the balcony below.
I retreated to the side of the balcony and got to the tying candy to it before she somehow noticed the string and I. She ordered me to never tie things to her and said I was very rude. It made me sad.
I would never come to you empty handed so I had to keep trying. Later, I was favored by luck when one of my roommates invited some random guys over to play Halo. America’s favorite threesome being two dudes and an Xbox helped me greatly as they were oblivious to me pinning the string to them. When it was time to go, they had been tied together for an hour. The best part is that when they stood up and saw what had happened they blamed someone else.