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Charlie Fish
Level 7: 1909 points
Alltime Score: 10301 points
Last Logged In: April 11th, 2017
BADGE: INTERREGNUM TEAM: United Kingdom TEAM: Group Creation Public Badge TEAM: Team Shplank TEAM: SFZero Animal Posse TEAM: The Society For Figuring Out How To Get Those Damn Badges TEAM: Whimsy BART Psychogeographical Association Rank 3: Cartographer The University of Aesthematics Rank 1: Expert Biome Rank 1: Hiker Chrononautic Exxon Rank 1: Clockwatcher Society For Nihilistic Intent And Disruptive Efforts Rank 4: The Chaotic


15 + 164 points

Spam poetry by Charlie Fish

December 17th, 2007 6:07 PM

INSTRUCTIONS: Create a spoem.

Stop! Don't read the poem! Listen to me reading it instead - scroll down to the bottom of this proof for a .mov file of me reading the poem. (And, if you want the full story, read this first.)

The Bandit had handed a challenge,
     to mangle the Black on the praxis,
And Charlie commanded the mantle
     to serve the EquivalenZ axis;
"I'll do every task," laughed the foolhardy Fish,
     sounding awfully melodramatic;
"I'll do them all better than all those bedwetters,
     the Preschool of Aesthematics."

With time passing fast, and with few mastered tasks,
     our poor hero seemed lost in the clamour;
But Fish never quits, he's just slow to submit;
     it took time corresponding with spammers;
He thumbed through his junk and discovered,
     with luck, that his dong could be stronger and longer;
Cheap meds would assure he could satisfy her
     (and from there it got wronger and wronger).

The company's claims were ambitious indeed
     for their magical packs of V14gr4:
"Sets arteries thrumming, and soon you'll be coming
     as much as the falls of Niagara!"
"One pill is enough to attract lots of muff,
     so get ready for rollicking frolics!"
"Your part will be harder!" and similar claims,
     made him worry for his diastolic.

But Fish was determined to task for the win,
     he was tasking so hard they might ban him;
He ordered a horde of blue diamonds online,
     half-expecting the spammers to scam him;
However, the honour of thieves and of perverts prevailed,
     and the drugs were delivered,
So Fish and his wife headed straight for the bedroom;
     with torrid excitement they quivered.

The rabbit hole ready, he popped the blue pill,
     and then felt both his pupils dilating;
He undressed his mistress and cherished her chassis,
     then found himself greatly inflating;
He applied his attention (what came next I won't mention),
     then lied on her, smiling and placid;
But had the V14gr4 kicked in? After all,
     he was now disappointingly flaccid.

While time wandered slow in a post-coital glow,
     with affection and special caressing,
Fish made up his mind that he found the V14gr4
     decidedly unprepossessing;
He kissed his dear lover and cast off the covers,
     then saw something rather surprising;
His wife gave a coo as she witnessed it too:
     a record recovery rising!


I am on a nigh-impossible mission to complete every single pure-EquivalenZ task by the end of the era. Prior tasks:

- Correspond with a spammer
- Cellular Breakdown
- SFZero Text Updates
- Objectify a Subject
- Attachment Theory
- Bathe Electonics

- smaller



The pills were smaller than I thought they would be.

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Download FLV

My reading of the poem - much more fun than reading it yourself! (There is no video, but I can't work out how to convert it to a sound file.)

33 vote(s)

Favorite of:


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16 comment(s)

(no subject)
posted by The Vixen on December 17th, 2007 6:49 PM



(no subject)
posted by rongo rongo on December 17th, 2007 6:50 PM

That's serious dedication. I mean, who knows what they might have put into those pills. Wow.

(no subject)
posted by The Revolutionary on December 17th, 2007 9:12 PM

Camarades, l'amour se fait aussi en Sciences-Po, pas seulement aux champs.

(no subject)
posted by susy derkins on December 17th, 2007 10:49 PM

This spoem should go into one of those disks we send to extraterrestrials. Or in a time capsule.
Also, I want Charlie Fish and Lara Black as hosts in SFØ pirate radio station.

the revolution gave you a record recovery!
posted by lara black on December 17th, 2007 11:58 PM

simply brilliant:

plus je fais l’amour, plus j’ai envie de faire la révolution.
plus je fais la révolution, plus j’ai envie de faire l’amour.

(no subject)
posted by Charlie Fish on December 18th, 2007 1:26 AM

Rongo Rongo - It never occurred to me (or perhaps I suppressed the thought) that the pills might be dangerous. Surely if they are fake they would be harmless placebos? He says to reassure himself...

I don't think I'll be taking the rest of them, anyway. Mind you, if they are fakes they're very convincing. The packaging is persuasive and each pill has a little Pfizer stamp on it and everything.

(no subject)
posted by adam. on December 18th, 2007 3:49 AM

jesus fish, you're a daredevil!

so uh... did it work?

(no subject)
posted by Meta tron on December 18th, 2007 6:01 AM

I am mortified.

(no subject)
posted by Duck Monster on December 18th, 2007 12:21 PM

Oh my, Charlie! That was very brave of you. And you're quite the poet, to boot!

Awesome Poem!
posted by Dead Sexy on December 18th, 2007 4:50 PM

Oh My Lord
That is siick bro! (and in a good way too)

Love It..
I would vote 5-6 times if I could

(no subject)
posted by Jack on December 19th, 2007 6:07 AM

thumb_cimg515533784.jpg spot the difference.

(no subject)
posted by Møuse on December 19th, 2007 10:03 AM

...lurk.... lurk... lurk... lurk ....VOTE ..lurk.. lurk.. lurk

(no subject)
posted by EarthMaiden on December 19th, 2007 10:52 AM







(i like your accent for teh spoem too... makes it)

posted by Meta tron on December 20th, 2007 4:57 PM

Mouse! Mouse! I saw a Mouse!!!

(no subject) +1
posted by susy derkins on December 20th, 2007 5:07 PM

I misread the comment as

I don't think I'll be tasking the rest of them, anyway.

(no subject)
posted by Ink Tea on April 4th, 2011 9:48 PM

Oh my.