October 22nd, 2010 9:01 PM
Once upon a time, there was a great love. It was reminiscent of Romeo and Juliet or of Cleopatra and Marc Antony. It was a beautiful thing, full of devotion, commitment, and common interests. It was the love between a girl and a large pot of twirly spaghetti pasta. From the day that the pasta came into the world, the girl was hooked. She had never loved anything as much as she loved that pasta. And for awhile, the pasta returned her feelings. Then, one day, the girl ate a sandwich instead, since the pasta was getting a little stale and might have been growing a little mold around the edges. This made the pasta very jealous, so it decided to get revenge for this abandonment.
The pasta decided that the best revenge would be to act like it was in love with someone else, so it feigned immense passion for the Coors Light beer on the shelf below it in their chilly home, the refrigerator. The next time the girl came to eat the pasta, it snuggled up close against the beer, where it had reinstated itself last night when everyone was sleeping. The intention of the pasta was to make the girl jealous, to make her return to their love so that they could be happy again. Instead, the girl responded with anger and disgust.
"Mom," the girl called as she swung the fridge shut, "That pasta has been in there soooo long! You should definitely throw that out, it's got green growing all over the top, and I really don't think that's a good sign."
By the time the pasta realized it's terrible mistake, it was much too late.
The beer died of depression shortly after the pasta was taken away. It had truly fallen in love with the pasta, and never knew that it was all fake, so it too, died for the mistakes of the pasta.
I don't think happily ever after applies in this situation.