75 + 80 points
Don't Ever Let Go by NHØ Bananapants, Elwin
March 14th, 2008 9:02 PM / Location: 41.309566,-72.93381
She Said
I. Attitude At the Start:
This sounds like fun. Besides, novel experiences and creative challenges are good for a relationship, right? Let's hope we're not totally sick of each other at the end of this.
II. Easier Than Anticipated:
The overnight hours were surprisingly easy. I knew that we already spend almost the entirety of most nights in constant physical contact, but I'd been concerned about confirming that we never detached. What if one of us were to roll over? So we wrapped our torsos together with an ace bandage, just to be sure that we wouldn't cheat accidentally in our sleep, and it wasn't such a challenge after all. Eight hours down, 16 to go!
III. Biggest Surprise:
I primp. Like a girl. This came as something of a shock to me. When someone else is constantly with you and watching your every move, you start to see your own actions with an altered perspective. With my husband attached to me at all times it became impossible to ignore my quick dash of eyeliner, or my urge to grab a particular pair of earrings on the way out the door. Would it be worth inconveniencing him for my vanity? I had to decide whether it was worth searching for the right pair of shoes (the red flats), or switching bras to go with the dress I changed into that evening (the black strapless one), given that I'd have to ask my husband to be dragged along with me for all of it. There's no such thing as dressing up to look nice for your partner, as a pleasant surprise, when he's joining in the whole process. Why did we undertake this task the night we were to attend a semi-formal party?
IV. The Worst Part:
Reduced personal autonomy is a bitch. Here is a brief sampling of the voices in my head: But I waaaanna go to the gym (nope, not today); I'll just run downstairs to get a quick snack (ha, that'll take a while to plan and execute); Should I call back my mom? (better wait until tomorrow); But I need to go pee now (hang on just a minute . . . [T.M.I.: the urgency of one's own business is dramatically increased by having to listen to and wait for the person to whom one is attached to finish his business])!
V. It's Complicated:
Dealing with the challenges of attachment wasn't so bad With enough verbal and physical communication we found that we could accomplish pretty much anything we would usually do independently. The difference was that everything took at least twice as long. Each attempt was improved significantly by verbal cues and explicitly articulated directives collaborating our movement. I felt like rowers on a crew team keeping time, or on occasion like a jockey trying to get my horse to do my bidding (just kidding . . . wait, no I'm not). The complicated episodes revealed that, apparently, I take the following things for granted.
The ability:
~ to get dressed and out the door quickly. It took ages to get ready to go. (Is this what it's going to be like when we have kids?)
~ to get in and out of a car, and to drive. (Just don't lean or twist unexpectedly?)
~ to prepare a multicourse dinner, particularly to chop vegetables, carry very heavy and hot items, and to otherwise maneuver around the kitchen efficiently and safely. I was glad to have had the whole day practicing our collaboration before encountering 375 degree temperatures and big sharp knives. (The choo-choo train position, with hands on each other's hips, came to the rescue on more than one occasion when one of us required both hands. We even made train noises, awww :))
~ to recover from dropping things by automatically picking them up midstride. (Oops; didn't mean to trip you!)
~ to brush my teeth without ejecting frothy spit into my hair. (Can we please intertwine legs and feet, so I can use my other hand?)
VI. Feelings Upon Completion:
This partnership encouraged taking turns, and greatly rewarded considering each other's needs even before thinking of our own. Now that we're back to acting independently I'm still thinking in this mindset, which can't be such a bad thing for our continuing nonattached partnership. It's a useful reminder. As far as the constant physical contact, it's no secret that I'm quite thigmotactic, but I had suspected that 24 uninterrupted hours might be enough to get a little old, even annoying. Nope. Now that it's over I think to myself, wait a second, I miss the public hand-holding and cuddling that "didn't count" as annoying couple P.D.A. because it was in the name of a Greater Task. Maybe we ought to try it for 72 hours next time . . .
He said:
My wife and I have begun collaborating on tasks here and there, and this seemed like an excellent adventure. At first we had planned a peaceful day, spending leisurely time in bed, petting our cats, watching movies, reading in parallel, sappy sweet vacation stuff like that. Little did we know....
Midnight to Midnight seemed a reasonable and obvious delineation, so we began as we went to bed. An ACE bandage secured around our waists and then tied off made sense, allowing us flexibility to change position easily but not break contact. Initially I had thought about tying ankles, or perhaps wrists, but those were not going to work in practice.
We're usually snuggly sleepers anyhow, so being together for the night was not too tough. Getting up to go to the bathroom at 3 am was a little more awkward than usual, mostly because the mental and physical coordination isn't all the way there in the midst of deep sleep.
We have no pictures of the sleeping arrangements because we sleep ... sans accoutrements, if you will. We both find it more comfortable to be unencumbered by vestments, especially when snuggling. I'll leave it at that, and just use your imagination. Lucky ACE bandages are made to be against the skin and not abrade.
I had two or three dreams during those eight hours about maintaining contact or failing at such through various circumstances. The details are fuzzy now, but I know we were doing stuff together and then I realized anxiously that we had somehow failed. Despite these distractions I think I slept pretty well overall.
What made the morning interesting was how much longer everything took. That, and the fact that I always wake up earlier, and get hungry first. A little bit of prodding and patience got us into the shower, which was only slightly more challenging than usual. It highlighted the main lesson of the day (at least so far): you have to act without the use of either one arm or one leg.
Washing isn't tough, nor is maneuvering around each other. What can be odd is keeping in mind that you have to keep up contact, so one of your limbs is always occupied, always tied up with that task and usually no other. We communicate and coordinate well, so no disasters yet, but it has required more back-and-forth warnings and steering than we are accustomed to in our everyday lives. Go go learning experience!
Drying off becomes a little humorous, as one wants to be thorough and such. Also, the cats are loving all the attention. When she is drying off, I have one hand busy and one free, so I just pet them. Then she pets them while I'm getting my robe on, etc. They seem pretty pleased that we have more time to give them affection.
After showering (not too tough) and dressing (comical but not all that hard either, thanks to laying out clothes the night before) we get to breakfast. Since we often cook big breakfasts, today was reheated oatmeal, reheated pancakes, and some fresh strawberries. No real work involved, which was nice because I was quite hungry by then. When sitting both on the same side of our kitchen table it was easy to have her lay one leg over mine and eat like that, allowing us both the use of both hands (a luxury when dining, I know).
Bundling up to go outside became funny when the easiest method we found to get our coats on was put a hand on the other's head. She'd grab her coat and hat while I had a hand around her waist or on top of her head, then we'd switch. Each of us frequently wears slip-on shoes, so the tying debacle was avoided cleverly. From there it was out holding hands, locking the door, and walking down the street looking to all the world like a cute young couple who enjoys walking together.
Our lunch with a friend (who was in on it) went pretty smoothly, with small tables that allow legs touching underneath. Moving from our small two-person table to a bigger three-person table proved slightly amusing but not too tough, since we could take our time shuttling food and belongings over. We even attempted some other tasking at lunch while we ate and chatted, but that's another story for another praxis...
Finally, after all this activity, we had the time to relax in bed and watch a movie. To paraphrase one of my favorite Dr Who episodes "Sad: it's Happy for Deep people." While I did enjoy watching, I also found it very depressing. Lying in bed together watching a movie we usually are touching, though I also need to switch up my posture every so often to avoid legs falling asleep, so that required a bit of finesse as I scooched around and realigned my limbs. Of course there is the required bathroom break, which had become a dance of verbal coordination and hands on heads.
Relaxation completed we moved on to preparing for our dinner outing. A friend on school break wanted to have some people over for a dinner party to make the house less empty and alone, and it happened to be this evening. First some hemming and stitching was needed for some of Elwin's clothing, so I got to sit and browse, observe and steal a kiss now and then.
Trying out clothes, jewelry and various outfit options went slowly as expected, but was more trying on mutual patience than usual, since the inactive party had to merely follow along, staying out of the way, occasionally offering opinions on dress-up options. The whole process, operating in serial instead of parallel, took a while, but we allowed for extra time knowing this was coming up. It did highlight the preparation differences practiced by men and women, especially when attending a formal event.
Driving was an interesting challenge, with two obvious options. I ended up behind Elwin, with my hand on her shoulder as she drove, leaning back awkwardly. This setup functioned, but was not terribly comfortable. Luckily our drive was short, and we had little in the way of cargo.
At the dinner party we had arrived in time to help with cooking, being some of the more experienced chefs in the small group. Shredding cheese, chopping salad, making pasta, all much more interesting while following or being followed by a joined partner. I have to admit it made me more tired than usual cooking, perhaps because it was more time consuming but also I think due to the odd attention and effort diversion of staying in contact. We got everything ready and cooking, took a break, and allowed the dishwashing to fall to those with two functional hands.
Eating the dinner was amusing, but then we usually sit next to each other and have some arm or leg contact, so not unusual. What posed a slight challenge was the water. We both tend to be thirsty eaters, and the table lacked a pitcher or other large water receptacle, so we ventured back to the kitchen (which was more challenging than it might seem due to the narrow and winding hallway connecting to the dining room) three times during the meal to refill our glasses. By the end of dinner we gave up on doing any useful clearing, instead reclining in the kitchen as our compassionate compatriots prepared a delicious chocolate cake for dessert.
I probably should have followed my stomach's advice towards moderation, but the cake was so good and we got to watch from start to finish, so I overindulged. How could I resist a Grand Marnier chocolate ganache sauce?!
Leisurely chatting, story swapping and late night conversation carried us toward midnight, and by 11:30 we were both watching the clock very closely. The minutes ticked down, the hours all behind us now, until our final moments were almost within sight.
Our eyes kept hovering back to the clock, each of us saying less and waiting more.
Finally at midnight we parted ways, able to run off in different directions and finally use two distinct bathrooms at the same time!
I. Attitude At the Start:
This sounds like fun. Besides, novel experiences and creative challenges are good for a relationship, right? Let's hope we're not totally sick of each other at the end of this.
II. Easier Than Anticipated:
The overnight hours were surprisingly easy. I knew that we already spend almost the entirety of most nights in constant physical contact, but I'd been concerned about confirming that we never detached. What if one of us were to roll over? So we wrapped our torsos together with an ace bandage, just to be sure that we wouldn't cheat accidentally in our sleep, and it wasn't such a challenge after all. Eight hours down, 16 to go!
III. Biggest Surprise:
I primp. Like a girl. This came as something of a shock to me. When someone else is constantly with you and watching your every move, you start to see your own actions with an altered perspective. With my husband attached to me at all times it became impossible to ignore my quick dash of eyeliner, or my urge to grab a particular pair of earrings on the way out the door. Would it be worth inconveniencing him for my vanity? I had to decide whether it was worth searching for the right pair of shoes (the red flats), or switching bras to go with the dress I changed into that evening (the black strapless one), given that I'd have to ask my husband to be dragged along with me for all of it. There's no such thing as dressing up to look nice for your partner, as a pleasant surprise, when he's joining in the whole process. Why did we undertake this task the night we were to attend a semi-formal party?
IV. The Worst Part:
Reduced personal autonomy is a bitch. Here is a brief sampling of the voices in my head: But I waaaanna go to the gym (nope, not today); I'll just run downstairs to get a quick snack (ha, that'll take a while to plan and execute); Should I call back my mom? (better wait until tomorrow); But I need to go pee now (hang on just a minute . . . [T.M.I.: the urgency of one's own business is dramatically increased by having to listen to and wait for the person to whom one is attached to finish his business])!
V. It's Complicated:
Dealing with the challenges of attachment wasn't so bad With enough verbal and physical communication we found that we could accomplish pretty much anything we would usually do independently. The difference was that everything took at least twice as long. Each attempt was improved significantly by verbal cues and explicitly articulated directives collaborating our movement. I felt like rowers on a crew team keeping time, or on occasion like a jockey trying to get my horse to do my bidding (just kidding . . . wait, no I'm not). The complicated episodes revealed that, apparently, I take the following things for granted.
The ability:
~ to get dressed and out the door quickly. It took ages to get ready to go. (Is this what it's going to be like when we have kids?)
~ to get in and out of a car, and to drive. (Just don't lean or twist unexpectedly?)
~ to prepare a multicourse dinner, particularly to chop vegetables, carry very heavy and hot items, and to otherwise maneuver around the kitchen efficiently and safely. I was glad to have had the whole day practicing our collaboration before encountering 375 degree temperatures and big sharp knives. (The choo-choo train position, with hands on each other's hips, came to the rescue on more than one occasion when one of us required both hands. We even made train noises, awww :))
~ to recover from dropping things by automatically picking them up midstride. (Oops; didn't mean to trip you!)
~ to brush my teeth without ejecting frothy spit into my hair. (Can we please intertwine legs and feet, so I can use my other hand?)
VI. Feelings Upon Completion:
This partnership encouraged taking turns, and greatly rewarded considering each other's needs even before thinking of our own. Now that we're back to acting independently I'm still thinking in this mindset, which can't be such a bad thing for our continuing nonattached partnership. It's a useful reminder. As far as the constant physical contact, it's no secret that I'm quite thigmotactic, but I had suspected that 24 uninterrupted hours might be enough to get a little old, even annoying. Nope. Now that it's over I think to myself, wait a second, I miss the public hand-holding and cuddling that "didn't count" as annoying couple P.D.A. because it was in the name of a Greater Task. Maybe we ought to try it for 72 hours next time . . .
He said:
My wife and I have begun collaborating on tasks here and there, and this seemed like an excellent adventure. At first we had planned a peaceful day, spending leisurely time in bed, petting our cats, watching movies, reading in parallel, sappy sweet vacation stuff like that. Little did we know....
Midnight to Midnight seemed a reasonable and obvious delineation, so we began as we went to bed. An ACE bandage secured around our waists and then tied off made sense, allowing us flexibility to change position easily but not break contact. Initially I had thought about tying ankles, or perhaps wrists, but those were not going to work in practice.
We're usually snuggly sleepers anyhow, so being together for the night was not too tough. Getting up to go to the bathroom at 3 am was a little more awkward than usual, mostly because the mental and physical coordination isn't all the way there in the midst of deep sleep.
We have no pictures of the sleeping arrangements because we sleep ... sans accoutrements, if you will. We both find it more comfortable to be unencumbered by vestments, especially when snuggling. I'll leave it at that, and just use your imagination. Lucky ACE bandages are made to be against the skin and not abrade.
I had two or three dreams during those eight hours about maintaining contact or failing at such through various circumstances. The details are fuzzy now, but I know we were doing stuff together and then I realized anxiously that we had somehow failed. Despite these distractions I think I slept pretty well overall.
What made the morning interesting was how much longer everything took. That, and the fact that I always wake up earlier, and get hungry first. A little bit of prodding and patience got us into the shower, which was only slightly more challenging than usual. It highlighted the main lesson of the day (at least so far): you have to act without the use of either one arm or one leg.
Washing isn't tough, nor is maneuvering around each other. What can be odd is keeping in mind that you have to keep up contact, so one of your limbs is always occupied, always tied up with that task and usually no other. We communicate and coordinate well, so no disasters yet, but it has required more back-and-forth warnings and steering than we are accustomed to in our everyday lives. Go go learning experience!
Drying off becomes a little humorous, as one wants to be thorough and such. Also, the cats are loving all the attention. When she is drying off, I have one hand busy and one free, so I just pet them. Then she pets them while I'm getting my robe on, etc. They seem pretty pleased that we have more time to give them affection.
After showering (not too tough) and dressing (comical but not all that hard either, thanks to laying out clothes the night before) we get to breakfast. Since we often cook big breakfasts, today was reheated oatmeal, reheated pancakes, and some fresh strawberries. No real work involved, which was nice because I was quite hungry by then. When sitting both on the same side of our kitchen table it was easy to have her lay one leg over mine and eat like that, allowing us both the use of both hands (a luxury when dining, I know).
Bundling up to go outside became funny when the easiest method we found to get our coats on was put a hand on the other's head. She'd grab her coat and hat while I had a hand around her waist or on top of her head, then we'd switch. Each of us frequently wears slip-on shoes, so the tying debacle was avoided cleverly. From there it was out holding hands, locking the door, and walking down the street looking to all the world like a cute young couple who enjoys walking together.
Our lunch with a friend (who was in on it) went pretty smoothly, with small tables that allow legs touching underneath. Moving from our small two-person table to a bigger three-person table proved slightly amusing but not too tough, since we could take our time shuttling food and belongings over. We even attempted some other tasking at lunch while we ate and chatted, but that's another story for another praxis...
Finally, after all this activity, we had the time to relax in bed and watch a movie. To paraphrase one of my favorite Dr Who episodes "Sad: it's Happy for Deep people." While I did enjoy watching, I also found it very depressing. Lying in bed together watching a movie we usually are touching, though I also need to switch up my posture every so often to avoid legs falling asleep, so that required a bit of finesse as I scooched around and realigned my limbs. Of course there is the required bathroom break, which had become a dance of verbal coordination and hands on heads.
Relaxation completed we moved on to preparing for our dinner outing. A friend on school break wanted to have some people over for a dinner party to make the house less empty and alone, and it happened to be this evening. First some hemming and stitching was needed for some of Elwin's clothing, so I got to sit and browse, observe and steal a kiss now and then.
Trying out clothes, jewelry and various outfit options went slowly as expected, but was more trying on mutual patience than usual, since the inactive party had to merely follow along, staying out of the way, occasionally offering opinions on dress-up options. The whole process, operating in serial instead of parallel, took a while, but we allowed for extra time knowing this was coming up. It did highlight the preparation differences practiced by men and women, especially when attending a formal event.
Driving was an interesting challenge, with two obvious options. I ended up behind Elwin, with my hand on her shoulder as she drove, leaning back awkwardly. This setup functioned, but was not terribly comfortable. Luckily our drive was short, and we had little in the way of cargo.
At the dinner party we had arrived in time to help with cooking, being some of the more experienced chefs in the small group. Shredding cheese, chopping salad, making pasta, all much more interesting while following or being followed by a joined partner. I have to admit it made me more tired than usual cooking, perhaps because it was more time consuming but also I think due to the odd attention and effort diversion of staying in contact. We got everything ready and cooking, took a break, and allowed the dishwashing to fall to those with two functional hands.
Eating the dinner was amusing, but then we usually sit next to each other and have some arm or leg contact, so not unusual. What posed a slight challenge was the water. We both tend to be thirsty eaters, and the table lacked a pitcher or other large water receptacle, so we ventured back to the kitchen (which was more challenging than it might seem due to the narrow and winding hallway connecting to the dining room) three times during the meal to refill our glasses. By the end of dinner we gave up on doing any useful clearing, instead reclining in the kitchen as our compassionate compatriots prepared a delicious chocolate cake for dessert.
I probably should have followed my stomach's advice towards moderation, but the cake was so good and we got to watch from start to finish, so I overindulged. How could I resist a Grand Marnier chocolate ganache sauce?!
Leisurely chatting, story swapping and late night conversation carried us toward midnight, and by 11:30 we were both watching the clock very closely. The minutes ticked down, the hours all behind us now, until our final moments were almost within sight.
Our eyes kept hovering back to the clock, each of us saying less and waiting more.
Finally at midnight we parted ways, able to run off in different directions and finally use two distinct bathrooms at the same time!
Sitting
Lunchtime, so we connect both above and below, just for safety.
Ready to leave
Finally got ourselves bundled up and prepared to walk around outside like normal people.
Work break
Gotta do some redundant touching now and then.
No Hands
Foot touching / leg overlap works very well when reclining with an ottoman.
All Dressed Up
We had a great time at a friend's dinner party, being very cuddly.
Parting is such sweet awesomeness
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It has struck midnight (so says the oven) so we are able to finally disjoin...
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(none yet)4 comment(s)
posted by NHØ Bananapants on March 16th, 2008 6:46 AM
We thought about how it would work with cats, but they would either outrun or outclaw us after an hour or two, I'm sure. =]
posted by Coreopsis Major Bloden Melen on March 18th, 2008 10:14 AM
Nicely done! (And that wrap you were wearing is awesome, Elwin!)
PS: Have I mentioned that you guys are made of awesome?
Well done! Bonus points if you try again with an added rule of having to touch one cat or the other at all times!