Father,

You've seen me once or twice as an infant, I have no memory of these visits. Not a month goes by that I am not reminded of your absence in my life. The most difficult reminder of the void is when I see my peers interacting with their fathers. I am even envious of those that have lost their fathers, but still have photographic proof of their existence on this earth. Or those that know the history of how their paternal side came to be. I long to sit next to you, put my hand next to yours, my face next to yours, comparing what about me is derived from you. I want to talk with you, argue with you, learn from you. I look at my mother and find anger and contempt for not forseeing this pain that she has caused me. Or should I blame you? At times I feel broken and less than those around me that have a complete set of parents. These thoughts are selfish and childish when I realize that there are MANY people who know nothing of their parents, or wish not to. I guess I am reverting to a mindset of a child when I long for your presence in my life.

I love you, though I do not know you.

~Brandie~