
15 + 47 points
Potted Plant Distribution by Inspector Hound
September 19th, 2008 6:39 PM
She blew into my office and parked herself in my chair. She didn't look like my usual business, but she didn't get here by mistake - the glass on my door clearly says "Birdboot Investigations".
Before I could welcome my potentially paying client, she spoke first. "Mr. Birdboot, I need your help."
"That's what I'm here for," I said in my best Bogie imitation.
"It will be a tough job. You'll need to do the job slick and clean. And it won't be easy. These are tough customers you'll have to deal with."
"I've dealt with art gallery thugs before," I said, cleverly sizing her up, though not cleverly enough.
"Oh, they're tougher than that, Mr. Birdboot. These are librarians we're talking about."
I leaned back in my chair, trying to look nonchalant while calming my ulcer down. "Perhaps you should explain yourself, sister. And by the way, I charge extra for librarians."
"Call me Ma, Ma Natura. It's as good a name as any, and you won't be needing to run a credit rating on me anyway."
I like a cash customer. "So what's the plan Ma?"
"Have you seen the inside of the Harold Washington Library, Mr. Birdboot?"
She described the job. I agreed immediately.
The interior of the Harold Washington Library was decorated with cunningly subtle gray paint, gray tile, with an occasional application of gray to break the monotony. For example:


A bit of green would go a long way. But how best to apply it?
I knew from sources like Antiques Roadshow that provenance was important. Consequently, I decided that a cutting from a christmas cactus that dated from my great-aunt's plant would be ideal. Obviously it would take time to root it.

Ma Natura called after a few months and made some impatient noises, but I gave my standard "for every thing there is a season" line. She didn't appreciate my wit. But I did make progress.

I needed to do some prep work before I laid out the goods, so I checked out the lay of the land. The perfect spot for the job jumped out at me.

This was good, but not perfect. This library didn't just need green, it needed bookends. I went to a guy I knew, Max "The Office", the guy you need to know when you need your materials fast with no questions asked. He set me up with some unmarked bookends. I proceeded to mark them up.

As long as I was marking up my equipment, I added a label to the pot too.

It's easy to rehearse the job when you're the only one working it. My book bag aroused no suspicion. I set up some shelves with their new bookends, and finally gave the shelf its new plant.


My bag got checked going out of course, but by then it was too late, and they'd have nothing to pin on me.
Ma Natura was pleased with the final report, though she tried to conceal it by asking why not a date palm. As a negotiating ploy it failed, and I got my asking price. My roses have never looked better.
Before I could welcome my potentially paying client, she spoke first. "Mr. Birdboot, I need your help."
"That's what I'm here for," I said in my best Bogie imitation.
"It will be a tough job. You'll need to do the job slick and clean. And it won't be easy. These are tough customers you'll have to deal with."
"I've dealt with art gallery thugs before," I said, cleverly sizing her up, though not cleverly enough.
"Oh, they're tougher than that, Mr. Birdboot. These are librarians we're talking about."
I leaned back in my chair, trying to look nonchalant while calming my ulcer down. "Perhaps you should explain yourself, sister. And by the way, I charge extra for librarians."
"Call me Ma, Ma Natura. It's as good a name as any, and you won't be needing to run a credit rating on me anyway."
I like a cash customer. "So what's the plan Ma?"
"Have you seen the inside of the Harold Washington Library, Mr. Birdboot?"
She described the job. I agreed immediately.
The interior of the Harold Washington Library was decorated with cunningly subtle gray paint, gray tile, with an occasional application of gray to break the monotony. For example:


A bit of green would go a long way. But how best to apply it?
I knew from sources like Antiques Roadshow that provenance was important. Consequently, I decided that a cutting from a christmas cactus that dated from my great-aunt's plant would be ideal. Obviously it would take time to root it.

Ma Natura called after a few months and made some impatient noises, but I gave my standard "for every thing there is a season" line. She didn't appreciate my wit. But I did make progress.

I needed to do some prep work before I laid out the goods, so I checked out the lay of the land. The perfect spot for the job jumped out at me.

This was good, but not perfect. This library didn't just need green, it needed bookends. I went to a guy I knew, Max "The Office", the guy you need to know when you need your materials fast with no questions asked. He set me up with some unmarked bookends. I proceeded to mark them up.

As long as I was marking up my equipment, I added a label to the pot too.

It's easy to rehearse the job when you're the only one working it. My book bag aroused no suspicion. I set up some shelves with their new bookends, and finally gave the shelf its new plant.


My bag got checked going out of course, but by then it was too late, and they'd have nothing to pin on me.
Ma Natura was pleased with the final report, though she tried to conceal it by asking why not a date palm. As a negotiating ploy it failed, and I got my asking price. My roses have never looked better.
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teh Lolbrarian
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(none yet)3 comment(s)
posted by Inspector Hound on September 20th, 2008 10:58 AM
The plant might not be there anymore, but the bookends still should be (I put one there, one in the IEEE section, and a couple others in that aisle as well).
(I also scattered Tootsie Roll candies behind the pot just as a bonus to whomever found the pot, but that had nothing to do with the task so I left it out of the description).
posted by teh Lolbrarian on September 20th, 2008 12:51 PM
An excellent completion, and an excellent writeup! Well done! And yes, it's true, librarians are tough.
I was at the library just yesterday, and didn't see this. I'll keep an eye out next time!