The purpose of this task to build an ugly pile of dirt, right?

It was?

Mission Accomplished!


Instructions were scarce to come by, as the link on SF0 appears to be broken and 15 minutes of googling produced little of use. A hasty schematic was drafted from vague memories and fevered dreams. Dimensions were guessed at and extrapolated. See Figure 1.

The Cardboard was harvested from behind the Best Buy on 14th and a construction site next to our high tech fabrication lab. Most of the pieces were too small. 4 nearly identical pieces were cut to form the lengthwise slats. These were 48" wide by 36" at the apex and aspired to a long curvy shape. Perhaps we were trying to match the shape of a reclining barcalounger. A large cross piece was crafted and fitted to support the apex. Then a smaller cross piece was slid into the front. The result was a huge ungainly mass that listed suspiciously.

We decided that what we had was too large and too awkward. We hacked most of it away with finely calibrated box cutters and the result was more or less in the shape of an Adirondack char. Maybe. A third cross piece was fitted at the lowest point in the seat. The frame folded easily and away we went.

Sloat Garden center was politely raided for supplies: grass seeds, a spade and "your cheapest bag of dirt please." The man selling garden supplies was skeptical as to the success of our grass seeds, and suggested a more drought resistant ground cover, such as clover. Interest was feigned.

Coffee Break.

We got to the selected site, not far from the Great Desert of GG park. The frame was nestled into place and we poured the bag of cheap dirt into it, along with another bag of organic potting dirt that had been sitting in the hallway outside the high tech fabrication lab for like, a million years. This was an estimated 4 cubic feet of enhanced earth, and the lawn chair swallowed it like a single olive, leaving the frame hungry for more. Half the team set out into the deep forests of the park in seach of "I dunno, some more dirt or something."

Whatever God that pays attention to internet dorks smiled on us that day, because not more than 30 yards from the construction site was a mountain of compost and hay. Seriously. Although the sky was overcast and the day cool, the compost was warm to the touch and we carried 7 to 9 bags of it to the construction site, as well as several armfuls of hay to act as filler. An estimated 15 cubic feet of earth was hauled to the site to fill in the rest of the chair. Pieces of eucalyptus bark were harvested from the forest floor and shoved into the structure at places where it seemed helpful, or not.

We tossed the box of grass seed on top and vaguely shuffled the earth. People walked by all day, taking their dogs out to poop, teaching their kids to ride a bicycle, bitching into their cell phones. No one paid much attention to this feat of argi-tecture taking place before their very eyes.

The resulting mass you can see for yourself. What is it? A throne for the king of the dirt people? Some crazy homeless man's grave? We leave these speculations for the archeologists or Parks and Rec employees who come after us.

The only question that remains: Is it yet a lawn chair? Or does it fail to qualify until a lush green coat is evident? Will Parks and Rec shovel it all away tomorrow. We will continue to monitor the site as time allows, hopefully watching this adolescent mound of earth blossom into a beautiful Lawn Chair.

All that we know is that a perfectly good Sunday was spent crafting this behemoth, and that should be good enough dammit.