So....in case you haven’t been following along over the course of the last two months there was a Hazing.....I staged my own kidnapping (please don't disregard the fact that even though the kidnapping was staged does not mean that this guy isn't real, evil and very dangerous to everyone!)...and then I staged my own death...threw myself a wake and was resurrected. I stayed out of touch with everyone involved for the entire time except for those I was in cahoots with.

I posted this event.

Kat did this (awesome)

I wrote a script with eight different characters. Those who volunteered chose their part at random and were given the script to read. LeEvil recorded it until the memory card filled up. I waited in my room for the length of one episode of Lost without the commercials (courtesy of Tivo) after people started showing up before the service started.

The video of the wake cuts of almost at the end of the service (I will post the script on Monday) Unfortunately the end where I walk out of my room in pajamas all bleary eyed confused as to why everyone is just standing around in my house exists only in the memories of those who attended the party. I assumed that everyone was expecting a production so I gave them anti climactic then I proceeded to get drunk and belligerent.

Here is the Script

MC: We have all come together here tonight to commemorate the life of a man who was known by many names: Poon Poon, Chris, MFC, Chrispoon, the best MC ever, Chrisnuts, and at times, douche nozzle. His fame, nay, infamy, preceded him wherever he went. Who among us, if not exposed to it directly, hasn't heard of his many misadventures with some gum? He touched each of our lives in different ways: sometimes it was a gentle, caring and generous touch... but mostly it was just inappropriate. I would now like to open up the floor to anyone who would like to say a few words about our dearly departed.

Rubin: THAT WAS STUPID!

Melissa Piephoff: I was Chris's first girlfriend. We dated for two years. He was the best lover out of all of our friends, and I'd know, because I slept with them all over the course of our relationship... ALL OF THEM... boys, girls,
pets... no one was safe. Chris also has the biggest member I have ever seen, which made the ensuing explosive herpes entirely worth it. When I lost my arm in an unfortunate combine accident, he sat by my bed and sang me to sleep every night. He only knew one song, but his voice was so soft and sweet that even "Informer by Snow" calmed the phantom limb enough for me to dream about being able to once again proudly display dual devil horns at Winger concerts. I truly don't know how I will go on without him.

MC: Thank you Melissa, anyone else?

Rubin: I HATE THINGS!

Every one of Chris' school Teachers : He had great potential but just never really applied himself. He was very fond of glue.

Jeremy Mella: I worked with Chris, and I think everyone can agree that he was kind of dumb. Almost retarded - like Corkey from Life Goes On, but that's what made him so endearing. Sometimes he would run around the store wearing a hat he made out of bits of stretcher bar and spare hand glass cutters trying to spank everyone with molding samples. I’m not sure why he never got fired. We will miss him if for no other reason than... well.. we might not miss him so much.

Rubin: WHAT EVER YOU LIKE SUCKS!

Any number of people Chris met at a party: The first time I met Chrisnuts was at a party. He just walked up to me, and my first thought was, how handsome. He smiled at me and then blurted out "I SAT ON SOME GUM, LOOK I SAT ON SOME GUM!!!" I looked down and, WOW, it really did look like he had sat on some gum... and then sat on a cat. A very hairy cat. It made me throw up a little in my mouth, bit it was a very good trick.

Rubin: THIS IS LAME!

Peggie Ory: If I could use one word do describe my son it would be (long pause) sexy. Ohh oohh and naughty....can I use two words?

MC: I don't think there is a limit to how many words you can use to describe your son in his eulogy ma'am.

Peggie Ory: Ok, good. then I'm going with sexy and naughty.......really naughty....dirty naughty.........

Rubin: CHRIS' MOM IS HOT!

LeEvil, the grieving widow: When I imagined Chris dying, uh, I mean... I never imagined Chris would die so soon. And I really never thought it would be via gunfire...
An angry party-goer perhaps, seeing the gum trick for the first time much to their horror, sure.... Or even a large Fabio look-alike, infuriated by my sweet Poon's drunken heckling...
And I always told him that fetish of his for dry-humping mastiffs would end badly... But Airwolf???

Rubin: I LIKE HUMPING DOGS!!

LeEvil: It only goes to show, as well as we knew and loved our Poon Poon, there were deep, dark secrets we could never have guessed. Ah, I'll miss our sweet nights of games, such as "chase the Miko" and "buggar Matt as fast as you can".

Peggie Ory: I taught him that last one.

LeEvil: Perhaps I will continue to chase and buggar his roommates in his honor, but it won't be nearly as much fun without my beloved's endless cackling or seeing him run through the house after his terrified roommates with that black strap-on bouncing upon his forehead... Ah... memories.

Rubin: IF HE WEREN'T DEAD ALREADY I'D KILL THAT BASTARD!

MC: Is there anyone else who would like to speak?

POON HIMSELF: (scratching ass in PJ's) Yeah, uh... what? The Hell? Anyone got a beer?


The whole story line was immensely entertaining to do. It got people together not only at the wake but also working together to come up with the ransom. I had my ideas about what would happen but most times things went completely off script but that, I suppose, is what happens when creative individuals are involved.

About 25 people showed up including Rubin, David, Rabbit, Celina Heather, Mella, Star5, Nicolery, Colin, and Niffer. They enjoyed gumbo, cornbread, greens, and booze. (if I forgot anyone let me know.) Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures of the actual party so if anyone has any could you send them to me please :)
thanks to everyone who:

1: went along with my flippant caprice

2: showed up at the wake making it a wonderful homecoming

3: Drank to my memory from afar

4: coerced me to play Kris Kross

5: tolerated my drunken pants dancing

6: passed all of this on to others


everyone please go to www.nifnaks.com