Name: Dona
Age: 67
Occupation: RN, Massage therapist, Anatomy and Physiology instructor, acupuncture student
Relationship to me: Friend; ex-boyfriend's mother

I have spent a significant amount of time with Dona on many occasions. I dated her youngest son for three years when I began college in 1992. The relationship was painfully dysfunctional, her son rather viciously unfaithful, but Dona quickly became a mentor and friend.

She has been married twice, divorced twice. She raised four sons essentially on her own. Her eldest son, John, was from her first marriage; the other three boys--Jason, Mike and Damon--from her second. Her first husband was an alcoholic and an infidel; her second was sent to prison for sexual assault when her youngest, Damon, was only five. Needless to say, this ended that union. Her eldest son passed away just a few months ago from liver failure, having followed in his father's footsteps with a lifetime of alcohol abuse.

There is more--more tragedy and more difficulty, a bit more potent than what many of us face, perhaps--but it is not the struggle in Dona's life that makes her phenomenal. It is her perserverance and energy that is so incredible to witness. She has pursued every interest, has made every sacrifice, in order to better herself and to aid those dear to her.

Dona is unique in that her age has little to do with her approach to life. She does not allow herself to get caught in dogmatic ways of thinking, or to maintain a too stringent belief in her own biases and opinions. She continues to grow, and by that manages to avoid the seemingly inevitable event of "getting old". I am not sure if this would be considered a similarity in perspective or a difference; it is something I would like to emulate, but being only 31, have not yet been tested in terms of my ability to withstand this culture of youth.

There are two areas in which Dona struggles--finding and cultivating a meaningful relationship with a man and her body. You wouldn't know this about her; she doesn't shout out her struggle and doesn't, thankfully, give much voice to whether she is satisfied with the size of her thighs. It is more subtle than that, and only comes out in deep conversation. She feels her body slowing down, aching, losing flexibility. She finds the men she meets to be too traditional or too stuck in their ways. She is profoundly lonely and does not want to die alone.

How could this need for companionship be met by society? I am not certain. It is obviously a struggle that many people encounter. The modern salves of online dating and personal ads seem to offer a too superficial and static approach.

Beauty. Age. Love.

Solution?

A solution would require an entire revision of what our culture is, what it stands for, what it believes in. Even my husband (who is a rather open-minded and nonconventional type of individual) has commented on the "fact" that, when I get older, I will no longer be conventionally beautiful. Very disappointing. And what does it mean anyway?

I'm not going to go off here on the standards of beauty, though it does bear intense consideration.

My question is this: If we are all looking for the same thing, why is it that it takes us so long to find it?