15 + 10 points
Microfiction by Ziggy C.
April 26th, 2007 6:30 PM
Okay. To be honest, I had no inspiration when I wrote the original story. Just later, a burst of inspiration hit me, and the following story came out. I like the plot a lot better, so I figured I might as well post it. I'll keep the old story up just for the hell of it, but this is the one I would have rather used for this task. You can still find the old story just below this one, if you're interested.
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Simon always had an interest in mystical objects and myths.
Running into his house, he raced up the stairs and into his room, kicking his shoes off behind him. Waiting in his room was his brother Steven, who inquired Simon of what he bought at the thrift shop today.
“I found this odd little fortune cookie. It’s completely grey, and supposedly tells an important event of the buyer’s future.” Simon then produced the color-saturated cookie. He had decided not to open it; he would rather not have it lose its mysticism than open it to discover that it’s a hoax.
Steven was overly curious, and begged with Simon to open the fortune, quickly starting to physically pry it out of his hands. Simon escaped, dashing out of the room. On his way out, he tripped over his shoes and fell down the hardwood stairs, the final step lodging into his head, killing him in an instant.
Steven stood there, horrorfied. Cautiously stepping down the stairs where his now deceased brother lies, he catches a glimpse of the cookie, still resting in Simon’s hands. Opening it with fearful anticipation, he read:
“You will fall down a set of stairs and die.”
---
And the original story, for anyone who is really interested...
Roe never quite fit in. As a triangle with unequal sides and unequal angles, the other polygons could never embrace Roe in this multi-sided and often normal community. 36 degrees. 67. 77. The different angles that Roe brandished always seemed to be a curse.
They would shout horrible derogatory slurs at the poor triangle. Regular hexagons brandished hexes in Roe’s direction. Regular pentagons released pent up aggressions toward the triangle. Scalene. Irregular. Roe would find himself constantly ridiculed, shoved, poked, trotted upon, and worse.
Roe’s best friend was a circle named Opal. Circles are the lowest class members of this society, because they have no vertices. Violence in this society was carried out by “stabbing”, or ramming a corner into someone in order to harm them. Therefore, circles were defenseless. Roe was tired of the prejudice, and began underground meetings for irregular polygons and circles.
One month after the first meeting, the Polygon City found themselves surrounded by so many circles that they could not escape. Meanwhile, an army of abnormal polygons gathered into the city square. They sharpened their vertices. At the center of the army stood its commanders: Scalene Roe and Oval Opal. The Irregular Revolution had begun!
---
Simon always had an interest in mystical objects and myths.
Running into his house, he raced up the stairs and into his room, kicking his shoes off behind him. Waiting in his room was his brother Steven, who inquired Simon of what he bought at the thrift shop today.
“I found this odd little fortune cookie. It’s completely grey, and supposedly tells an important event of the buyer’s future.” Simon then produced the color-saturated cookie. He had decided not to open it; he would rather not have it lose its mysticism than open it to discover that it’s a hoax.
Steven was overly curious, and begged with Simon to open the fortune, quickly starting to physically pry it out of his hands. Simon escaped, dashing out of the room. On his way out, he tripped over his shoes and fell down the hardwood stairs, the final step lodging into his head, killing him in an instant.
Steven stood there, horrorfied. Cautiously stepping down the stairs where his now deceased brother lies, he catches a glimpse of the cookie, still resting in Simon’s hands. Opening it with fearful anticipation, he read:
“You will fall down a set of stairs and die.”
---
And the original story, for anyone who is really interested...
Roe never quite fit in. As a triangle with unequal sides and unequal angles, the other polygons could never embrace Roe in this multi-sided and often normal community. 36 degrees. 67. 77. The different angles that Roe brandished always seemed to be a curse.
They would shout horrible derogatory slurs at the poor triangle. Regular hexagons brandished hexes in Roe’s direction. Regular pentagons released pent up aggressions toward the triangle. Scalene. Irregular. Roe would find himself constantly ridiculed, shoved, poked, trotted upon, and worse.
Roe’s best friend was a circle named Opal. Circles are the lowest class members of this society, because they have no vertices. Violence in this society was carried out by “stabbing”, or ramming a corner into someone in order to harm them. Therefore, circles were defenseless. Roe was tired of the prejudice, and began underground meetings for irregular polygons and circles.
One month after the first meeting, the Polygon City found themselves surrounded by so many circles that they could not escape. Meanwhile, an army of abnormal polygons gathered into the city square. They sharpened their vertices. At the center of the army stood its commanders: Scalene Roe and Oval Opal. The Irregular Revolution had begun!
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posted by Bonny You on May 12th, 2007 10:44 PM
This is like, the fastest of a killing that I've ever read in a fiction (Simon). Quick dying is always surprising, even though we've seen enough Hollywood movies.
posted by Ziggy C. on May 12th, 2007 11:20 PM
I wrote this when I was reading a lot of Death Note.
And for some reason, the sudden death isn't the big kicker for me. It's the irony in the fact that his refusal to open the cookie is what killed him, though he could have at least known what to watch out for had he opened it. Or maybe it would have said something different entirely?
Nice exclamation point!!