Well, I considered hiding my big purple sparkly vibrator above the mirror in the bathroom, but the Sex Toy Above Sink thing has already been done with great brilliance. All of my other interesting/incriminating items were deemed unecessary to bring all the way out to SF, so whips and handcuffs have fallen by the wayside. What else...what else...

I recalled that I had acquired at the Castro Street Fair some condoms that came equipped with a carabiner. Clearly these are prophylactics for those more outdoorsy and ambitous than I. They must be for, like, the X Games of sexual activity. You're dangling off a mountain, turned on by the fact that you're in a harness, and try to propel yourself towards another climber at just the right angle...Or maybe you plan on banging your sherpa when you get to the summit, and you don't want to take any chances.

In any case, I selected the Adventure Condoms to hide in plain sight. Usually my "equipment" is tastefully concealed in this vintage lunchbox. The pin-up girls stand guard.

A carabiner provides optimal dangling potential. So I hid the condoms on the key hooks beside our front door, convenient to the light switches.

The next day my roommate flicked them and asked what the deal was. As they swung on the little hook, I knew the time of blatant deception had come to an end.