My Email:

Hello Spam Connoisseur,
This email is to inform the average consumer about a new breakthrough in the spam making process. This revolutionary new procedure is top secret and is only being released to our top customers. All we can say now is that it dramatically increases the deliciousness of Spam by a Spamalicious factor of 10 to the fifth. Wow! That's good spam. In short, if you want to know more about our secret process, or if you wish to participate in our Spam taste testing before the new Spam is released to the public, please respond to this message ASAP.

Thank you and stay Spammy,
Thomas Macedona
Hormel Foods Corporation

His Email:

I would be glad to assist you in your testing process! Thank you!

-Flea

To which I replied:

We're sorry to inform you that after extensive animal testing it has been determined that the salt content in our new span can, and in most cases will, cause the user to develop immediate, acute hypertension that often leads to death. As such, our new Spam line will never be tested for human consumption. We hope that your enthusiasm for spam will not be dampened by this unfortunate finding.On a lighter note, we have just signed a contract with the US Prison system for a new, more humane way to carry out the death sentence.

May the Spam be with you,
Thomas Macedona
Hormel Foods Corporation