this is part of a group of short stories that i recently started writing (sf0 in mind) with myself exagerrated as the main character. my main character is a whole helluva lot more depressing than my own life has been. im not sure why ive been doing this, but i guess it makes me feel a lot better about my own torrid past if there is some made up person out there with a similar past, but a whole lot worse, depressing, and self depracating.

here she is: amy leia rhodes.

part one

to others, i can seem like this young optimistic up and comer. im always early for work, take great pride in what i do, have a wonderful relationship with my very cool parents, and have wonderful loving, considerate friends that i spend a lot of quality time with. i could never do any wrong.

but, the truth his i dont always feel that way. really im not that way. honestly, id much rather sit on the couch and watch tv all day than spend any time outside. i fight with my parents constantly over little things, am a chronic procrastinator with a skill for finishing things at the last minute, and really have only a few friends that will take the time to hang out with me. i usually have to beg people to run errand for them like taking them to work or the grocery store just so im not sitting around my house, unabashedly lonely. i rarely return phone calls or emails from those who want to contact me, but pine over unrequited lovers and am constantly trolling life for the next best thing. 

part two

he came to meet us at the house one afternoon, strutting up the driveway in a black t-shirt, designer jeans, and the newest pumas. i noticed that black leather bands adorned his wrists as he pushed his newly highlighted hair out of his face. i was surprised when someone like this said that he wanted to move in to our dump of an apartment. he liked us, but said that he didnt have the deposit to move in. two months later after a drunken night at the bar up the street, jay said that he was ready to move in in two weeks. i was pleased. the three of us lived rather happily together.

part three

it was a day in early april that i was toying with the idea of getting my nose pierced when i received a phone call from the school – i hadnt paid my last tuition payment and so i would be kicked out of attendance in three days. instead of calling my parents and letting them know, i immediately started looking for a new apartment. it was not use in not phoning my parents. the financial advisor had called them a few minutes before me, but i didnt speak to them until day three when i started moving my boxes out of the historical building that my dormitories were located in and they showed up, parking their cadillac on the street. they were clearly disappointed but due to my apathetic depression, but they acted happy and optimistic about the new house i had chosen to live in; it was next to a church in the popular piedmont neighborhood of oakland. the current occupants all worked at the same movie theater and had all at some time attended some sort of art school. 

my parents helped me pack up all of my stuff, judging every box and its contents and helped me drive them over to the new victorian. the couple living in my room hadnt yet moved out. not only that, but it appeared that they hadnt even started packing. my parents scoffed at this and told me that i should just come and stay with them. with my determination to be independent and being ashamed that they were disappointed in my life and choices, i declined the offer. i told them that they should leave and covered my teary eyes while i hugged them goodbye. i knew that they were concerned, but did nothing to console them; i just gave them the “what can you do?” look and watched them drive off down the street and thought about the time that my father had told me how he and my mother had cried as they drove through the caldecott tunnel after dropping me off at the same historical building i had just moved out of on my first day of college orientation. they had been so hopeful of me after my high school experience; i would get the chance to start over and the chance to be successful in yet another expensive and pretentious educational environment. i, standing there on the porch of the decrepit house, had not lived up to their expectations in any capacity.