Skjellyfetti McAlpine

Evolution, having been a cruel mistress to Skjellyfetti, has left him with an attitude fit for darkness and a pragmatic sensibility for thievery, unremitting larceny, and vigorous hostilities against the fine tapestry of human emotions. During a brief sojourn from the imaginary crimes that drove him to acts of grievous abominations and general disorder, he found his muse in a forgiving, yet practical, trans-dimensional mistress. Through her grand gestures of optimism and dignified persuasiveness, he left his life amidst the savages as an entangled inebriate and developed a stealthy inner ear and superior visual acuity. Thus, his own bailiwick was found in the fine art of making trouble. His clandestine hallmark will leave you ruminating publicly and his devastating good looks will haunt you for many sleepless nights. What more can be said about Skjellyfetti than hasn't already been written in the numerous restraining orders that are held against him?