One of my coworkers hates ketchup. Totally grossed out by it. She refers to it as, "vampire blood."

I don't love it although I'm not averse to the stuff.

One of the times it made its way onto the table, we somehow got into telling condiment-related stories. She told us how, when she was a little girl, one of the other little girls that lived on her street would come out to play eating marmalade on toast. My coworker, not wanting to be outdone, ran back to her house so she too could get a piece of toast with marmalade.

But her family didn't have marmalade.

So she went outside with mustard on toast.

Hilarity ensued.

(Now the entire time my coworker was telling this story I really didn't understand what marmalade was. Honestly, I had never had it and the only reason I even knew what it was was because of that, "Lady Marmalade," song. So I made a mental note to pick up some next grocery-shopping. And I'll tell you what- Marmalade is fucking nasty. Upon tasting this bitter foulness, my coworker's story confounded me. I would much prefer mustard on bread to marmalade on toast any day of the week!)