Strategic Oil Reserves by Wishy Washy
October 19th, 2007 1:20 PM
ding! ding!
I have an announcement to make. As of 23hrs of yesterday I have gained control of the world's largest supply of baby oil. Unless you give in to my demands, I intend to use it to disrupt your lives unless you give in to my demands.
HA!
You might currently be under the illusion that you will not be affected by this. Let me demonstrate the mistake you are making.
Imagine the following:
THAT is what happens when you don't have babyoil!
All those smooth and pleasant interactions with babies.... well..it should be enough to make your hair stan d on end.
You will quickly realize that there is no way around it.
Without baby-oil, there is no peace. You have been warned. Consider your options.
You have 24 hours to comply or I will unleash babygeddon on you all.
Update:
Some of you unrepentant skeptics think I am bluffing. Well, here is proof!
I have all the baby oil and soon the crying will begin....
Update 2:
My demands?
Very simple. I can be very reasonable.
All you have to do to keep me happy is add some baby oil to your life. I'll need proof!
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It wouldn't be any fun if I actually told you now, would it?
You must try to guess what my intentions are and see that my needs are met!
Muah..ha.ha.ha...h.a...
cof.cof.
ok... I just want some recognition and I am heartlessly exploiting your emotions to guilt trip you into paying any sort of attention at me.
You must try to guess what my intentions are and see that my needs are met!
Clearly, this person either is a baby, or has first hand experience of babies. That degree of accuracy is too much; I'm inclined to believe this is evidence of a large baby oil reserve.
I'm going to have to agree with you, Senator.
I fear we may be treading a slippery slope.
I contest!
This Wishy Washy pseudo-villain has no stockpile of baby oil. I call the bluff!
Prove the oil reserves exist... then we will consider your demands.
Sincerely,
The Villain
Mr. Washy, i defer to The Villain in regards to all facets of Villainy. I feel that he is much more likely to correctly predict your wicked intentions than I. So I stand with him in demanding some modest proof before I can be engaged in negotiation
Despair no futher. I have provided the proof you requested and made clear my simple demands.
Fear the babygeddon....
Well shit.
That's a lot of baby oil he's got there...
... or rather, a lot of cardboard cut-outs of baby oil!
John Malkovich has been featuring a lot on the praxis recently...
I think this completion is worthy of Level 1. Have a vote. Consider it my baby oil protection racket fee. But bear in mind that my votes will not come so easily as you progress.
My own analysis indicates that supply is stable, with no need to open up the Strategic Baby Oil Reserve. Along related lines, there appears to be no indication from BOPEC (Baby Oil Producing and Exporting Players) that they will reduce supply to raise prices. I suggest we go about our normal baby oil use--if we do otherwise, the terrorists will have won.
And while, after Loki's recent comment, I am worried about appearing to be in the pocket of big oil, I feel I must provide full disclosure of my association with baby oil; indeed, baby oil is the suggested method for removing temporary tattoos.
Baby oil is the future.
Are you prepared?
Ask not what baby oil can do for you, rather what can you do for baby oil?
Wait!
What are the demands?!?