Let me tell you a story from when I was about ten years old. My family lived in kind of an undeveloped area: we regularly had rattlesnakes, black widows, and lizards and so on in the area. One day, I was at the top of the stairs talking with my mother, and there was a big scorpion there on the banister. I figured my mother had gotten me a scary-looking toy as a playful gift and was just waiting for me to comment on it. She figured that I had gotten a scary-looking toy as a childish prank and was just waiting for her to comment on it. Then it moved and we both flipped out as we realized that there was a real life scorpion inches away from both of us.

GAAAAAAAAAH!

Fast forward to the present. When I get insomnia these days, which happens sometimes but not often, it takes a very specific form: I worry that there are bugs in the bed and that they might crawl on me while I'm sleeping. That makes me jump at every stray hair in the bed or brush against a stray fold of sheets. It's no good.

I got this scorpion candy at the SFO airport on the way up to Seattle. I didn't think much of it, just thought it was a fun novelty candy and I'd share it with Mutans when we got here. The stinger was removed and the whole thing was safe to eat -- another patron at the airport candy story assured me that he'd eaten it all the time.

We did, and played a game where we would put the bulky lollipop in our mouths to talk incomprehensibly, especially while giving or asking for driving directions on the way to a friend's barbecue. We stopped at a grocery store for veggies to barbecue, because I had decided to try being a vegetarian for the weekend.

Then the candy part melted down enough that I could feel the scorpion sticking out of the candy, scraping out a little bit at the corners of my mouth. I realized that, not only was I not being a vegetarian right now, but I had a bug in my mouth.

I realized about then that I was already fulfilling the Death Kava task that I'd planned to do at some point during this trip, and started taking pictures. Mutans helped with the eating, but she says she's not afraid of it, so it doesn't count as Death Kava for her.

The scorpion itself was crunchy and pleasantly bland. I tasted sort of a smoky, crispy flavor, which I really enjoyed. Mutans couldn't taste a thing.

BUGS! I'M EATIN' 'EM!

DEATH KAVA!