In order to make the simple act of painting my shoes seem more 'epic,' I am including lots of photos. Lots of photos means lots of win, right? Well, you tell me.

Insufficient:

I bought new shoes. Which is to say, they were on clearance, but 'new' is 'new'. It is also to say that they employ design & technology of the current era, unlike the Chuck Taylor's that I have used to run in two (2) Journey to the End of the Night s. After DC, I told myself to get better shoes, like I've been telling everyone else to do all along. With Journey MNØ just a month away, I figured it was about time.

But why have I avoided contemporary shoe design for so long? Because they're ass ugly.




The box says that these shoes contain the colors: RAIN/NAVY/SOUR
APPLE. These colors were insufficient to be worn in a national game of
tag. Something had to be done.




Masking is tedious. Aggravated tediousness because of the cloth-like nature of the shoe material, which does not allow tape to adhere to it. I used a combination of gaff, painter's tape, and superhuman dexterity.



This was a boon. I was unsure of whether I would be able to sufficiently spray paint shoes, given flexing of the cloth, cracking of the paint, etc. Upon searching around the dusty shelves of the puppet shop, I found this item. Not only does it claim to be resilient to foot traffic, but it is...

TOMORROW'S TECHNOLOGY TODAY
... in the official C.E. colors no less.

Ensue painting. I prepared my spray booth, which involved a giant fan and a window. It worked remarkably well, visibly expelling the fumes from the spray out onto the street - at head level, mind you, for all the unfortunate people who walked by that window while I was spraying. And let me tell you, a lot of people walked by while I was spraying.



This fan, consequently, bit off the tip of my left index finger during my first month at the shop last Summer. Remember kids, never stick your finger in the back of a fan. Stick it in the front.



Flat, flat gray. Oh yes. What a delightful color.

Okay, well, at least it's better than SOUR APPLE.



I sprayed the bottom of the soles for good measure, wondering if this "carpet dye" was as awesome as it claimed to be. It was not.



For touch ups, spray shields are enormously helpful. But don't be fooled by fancy art-store products - you can make these items yourself, for the price of cardboard.



The laces, of course, had to be un-RAINed and un-NAVYed. I generated a lot of CFCs trying to coat these things adequately... and ultimately failed.



So here I am in my new grey shoes. What do you think?

Me too...

Decidedly Insufficient!

I took the shoes home, and began the real work. First, I lightly sprayed white primer across the toes to create a very classy fade. Skillz, folks - I am full of them.



I chose to accent a few of the existing design elements, using a water-based enamel. One of the problems with painting shoes is that brushed-on paint will crack and flake off. We'll just have to wait and see if this enamel is sufficiently sufficient.



Mind blown by that slick striping? I suppose. But they're still not much better than they were before. Hell, you could probably buy shoes like this in the store - and shoes that you buy in the store are...

Clearly Insufficient.

Let us take a cue from the time-traveling can of spray paint and venture back to 1986. Let us... RAINBOW.



In order to ensure brilliant color, it was necessary to base coat the soon-to-be-colorized portions with white enamel, shown above.



"Fine-art" grade acrylic color was applied thinly - like a stain really - in an attempt to dissuade the paint from cracking. A fancy thinning agent was used - remember kids, water alone is no good for thinning your paints if you want to maintain good adhesion.



Almost there, Angelica Houston... worry not, I will save you.



Only two colors short of Roy G. Biv. Because of the deficiencies in the original design of the shoe, this will have to do. Compromise is always a good strategy, yes?.

But compromise will surely lead to one thing, and one thing only:

Insufficiency.

These shoes still need something to winnow the chaff. They need artistic risks that will help them rise above. It's time to get dirty.

Vegans, do not read on!



This is hide. Sheep, I believe. This stuff hangs out at the puppet shop for just such endeavors. Strong, but pliable. Thin, yet excruciatingly difficult to tear. Perfect in every way. Thank you, dear lamb, who I have caused to be slain, gutted, and defiled in order to make paltry art.

All in the name of Tasking, friends. All sacrifices must be made for SFØ.



These forms were cut from the material.



Thereafter, the material was painted.



Grey shading was added after this stage. I have no intermediary picture, but suffice to say, the execution of the shading included enormous amounts of Win.



An awl must be employed to punch holes in the sheepskin. The shoe however, made of cloth, was easy enough to puncture with a simple sewing needle, no awl necessary.



Upholsterer's thread. This stuff is indestructible. I use it for everything. Everything.



This image shows the incredible virtuosity with which the stitches were painted white.

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Sufficient.



That's what they look like from the position of my head.



Will you look at those socks? That rainbow? That impeccable class? If hipsters weren't too cool to accept trophies for their coolness, I'd be dancing on one tonight.

Hella.

These shoes will be seeing you all at Journey MNØ. But don't be surprised if all you see of them is a viciously rendered motion blur as I leave you in a cloud of dust and glitter. (!) Snap.