I have an impressive used (horse) speculum collection.

In leisure time I enjoy receiving from generous destitute gentlemen, metaphorical malevolent punts to the groin and cranium, the treasured pastime of circulating downtown public restrooms and bus stops probing for superfluous clusters and wadded miscellaneous forms of discarded detritus. Urine is not always warm.

Bathing or cleaning the body in any way is a sin in the eyes of my god(s), punishable by castration or death.