My friend Gabe (who is not an SF0 player, though given what transpires below, he clearly should be) went to a wedding about a week ago in Half Moon Bay. Afterwards, he stopped by my house to change into his "normal" clothes and left his shoes and dirty socks in the middle of my bedroom floor. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to ransom the shoes or give them to him as a present, but as it turns out, I was able to do both... I sent him the following email on Friday with my demands:

Dear Mr. T--

I can see you. You're sitting at your desk looking out the window in Oakland. Perhaps you just finished up a lovely memo, detailing the problematic labor practices of hospitals.

We have a problem, sir.

I have your dirty wedding socks and fancy shoes. I'm looking at them right now. They're scared, Gabe, of what might become of them if you don't do what I say.

If you ever expect to see your dirty socks and fancy shoes again, I'm afraid you need to bring me the following tonight:

1) $14981509674.2034;
2) Proof that you're actually Argentinian and/or Mexican and/or American;
3) Fine wine;
4) One or two siblings.

Perhaps you don't think I'm serious. But are you really willing to take that risk?

See you in hell,

Your friend,

Jackie


He responded with two emails:


good thing you sent two pictures b/c other wise i would have had to suspect your were somehow being fishy

1) i will take the money- but can we round up to 14981509674.21?
2) this is the worst request of all--- but please don't tell that i'm actually not an Argentinian citizen... the shame!
3) no can do
4) both brother and sister are gone--- but in fine treves fashion my brother forgot an entire suit case at my house, so maybe that will do?
a) also in treves fashion lost both of my cell phones (albeit in great fashion)
i) can you email me erin and sarah's cell phone?--- your's is 599 0506 right?

i know you are serious, so there will be no risk taking- you will get your money tonight

hey, if there is a hell below... we are all gonna go

ps- i've rsvp'd in on goodness...pre-goodness at your house i assume?


The second email merely read: "boom shakalaboom (ie see attached)" and had a picture of his American and Mexican passports attached.

Given that he had taken my ransom so seriously, I fully intended to give him his shoes and socks when he came over, but due to various late-making factors, he didn't make it over. At the bar, I prompted him to make a recording, though I had to remind him that I needed him to speak about the ransom and not the situation at hand (which was that Al Gore was randomly there). He also gave me a check for my precious $$$$.

On Saturday Becki (of is neat fame) and Melissa threw him a fake surprise party, and so I took the opportunity to follow through on my other dream for returning the shoes, wrapping them up as a present. And what's a fake surprise party without a gift of something the person already owns? Gabe and his shoes were finally reunited Saturday night, to the enjoyment of all.