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Scarlett
Level 2: 95 points
Alltime Score: 3064 points
Last Logged In: January 13th, 2013
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15 + 75 points

For The Win! by Scarlett

November 9th, 2007 8:44 PM

INSTRUCTIONS: Express your opinion to a large corporation or government in the form of an image macro.

This task for the win!

I have always admired great single-mindedness of purpose.
If one sets one's mind to accomplish a task, one ought to do it thoroughly. No one embodies this sentiment more than Cato the Elder. Although Carthage was already humbled by the first two Punic Wars, Cato's ceaseless campaigning and political machinations brought about a third and FINAL one.

"Cato's hate for Carthage was legendary already during his own lifetime.
In spite of the sanctions and conditions imposed on Carthage there was a possibility that it might rise again and once more wreak havoc on the Roman Empire. And Cato the Elder believed this more than anyone else. He sought Carthage's destruction like no-one else. There is even a tale that he once on purposely dropped a Lybian fig onto the floor of the senate. As a senator picked it up and with others began to admire its size, he used the situation to warn that the land from which this fruit came was only three days away by sea. Furthermore he famously incorporated the words 'Carthage must be destroyed!' ...into every speech he held in the senate, no matter what the subject of the matter debated was"

(emphasis added)

This man was a true orator. While lesser statesmen confined themselves to the matter at hand, nonsequitor was no deterrent to Cato! "The corn is well grown and Carthage must be destroyed," he declared in one breath. Was Cato afraid of redundancy? Never! Did he use ambiguous phrasing to boost his popularity? No! In fact, he was extremely unpopular. But he carried on with head held high, his love of Rome in mind, and his unmitigated hatred for Carthage broadcast to all those in earshot.

It is my opinion that a great civilization needs a great cause.
And perhaps no cause has been believed in so fervently as the cause of destroying Carthage. Now, I concede that Carthage is certainly no superpower. It is currently a tourist attraction and residential suburb. But the fact that Carthage posed no immediate threat didn't stop Cato from getting his war in 149 BC! And now a fig can get from Carthage to the East Coast of the US in just over 18 hours. I shudder to think. We shouldn't run the risk.

But which government to alert?
At first I was going to send the stunning image macro to the MINISTERE DES AFFAIRES ETRANGERES of Tunisia. But I did not want to be tracked down and charged with terrorism. These are sensitive times, after all.

Then it occurred to me that I should be sending this to Rome! I'm moving there in 2 months, and I certainly would like to make a contribution to its civic life by renewing an ancient hatred. But I couldn't find the mayor's address. Plus I realized that America is a civilization that is hurting for some greatness, and I can't turn my back on my own country. So, I selected the government of Rome, Georgia to receive my message.

Apparently mayors don't like putting their direct email addresses online. So City Manager John Bennett has received an email from Cato the Elder (eldercato@hotmail.com). I hope that the local government of Rome, Georgia will appreciate my rallying cry, and become all the greater for uniting under the auspices of a truly great cause.

Since I don't know how to do screen-shots, here is the text of the email:

Dear City Manager of Rome, the Eternal City,

Attached please find an image macro stating my opinion.

Sincerely,
Cato

- smaller

I think Cato had CRAZY EYES

I think Cato had CRAZY EYES



15 vote(s)



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7 comment(s)

(no subject)
posted by Loki on November 9th, 2007 8:47 PM

OMGLOL!

I miss you, honey.
posted by Bex. on November 9th, 2007 8:56 PM

I think you just won the dork prize.

Roma per la vittoria!
posted by Fonne Tayne on November 9th, 2007 10:37 PM

O. M. G.

(no subject)
posted by Flitworth on November 10th, 2007 2:40 AM

You get the ships, I'll bring the salt.

Lovely!

(no subject)
posted by Scarlett on November 10th, 2007 6:08 AM

Yay, dork prize! Tee hee. I miss you too, m'love.

Flit, I'm glad you anticipated that salting the earth is on my agenda.

(no subject)
posted by Ben Yamiin on November 12th, 2007 9:41 AM

I can't think of a single thing that would make this more awesome.

you are a genius and...
posted by lara black on November 19th, 2007 3:28 AM

i would like to take up residence in the sector of your mind where this praxis was conceived.