K. Hughes and I have been working on the Life of the Mind task since May 17th when I began writing a pilot for a sitcom off the top of my head, letting the characters and plot introduce themselves (and itself) as I went along. By May 18th, K. Hughes had joined me as we discussed characterization and plot development and she has been part of the brainstorming, editing, and writing process since. Enjoy.

LIFE OF THE MIND

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
Zig—about 18, public school, gamer kid (loves pinball), spacey
Giff—about 18, Catholic school, skeptic, a little philosophical, odd eating habits
Waitress Kelly—late teens/early twenties, flirty waitress
Merris—17 or 18 years old, daughter of the pizza parlor owner, goes to school with Giff, snobby preppy girl—her father owns not only this pizza parlor but several others in the tri-county area
Captain—about 20 years old, not very driven, works in a bike shop, takes classes part time, crazy, easy going, kind of popular

EPISODE 1 (PILOT): JUMPING POINT

[In the pizza parlor. Zig enters. Sits on stool next to Giff at the counter. Giff has been waiting and is sipping strawberry milk.]

Zig: Hey.

Giff: Hey.

Zig: So…

Giff: Yeah.

Zig: You have fun last night?

Giff: Not my thing. Not really.

Zig: Yeah. Didn’t think so.

Giff: Well, did you like it? It seemed like your sort of thing.

Zig: No.

Giff: Why not? I thought you liked big, raucous crowds like that?

Zig: No, no. You’ve got to have a purpose behind the big, raucous crowd or it doesn’t do it for me. A drunken mob dancing is nothing. A drunken mob trying to take over and burn down the stinking post office that just raised stamp prices again when we’re trying to send out applications for jobs and college and junk…well…now that would be something.

Giff: Indeed.

Waitress Kelly: [enters, looking bored] Are you going to order… ever?

Zig: I’d just like an orange soda. No ice.

Giff: I can’t believe you drink that stuff. Must taste terrible.

Zig: No, no, it’s really good. You want some?

Giff: Nah. It’s orange. I don’t like orange.

Zig: You’ve got to get over this sometime, man.

Giff: Not carrots, not oranges, not Cheetos, and definitely not nasty orange carbonated abomination.

Waitress Kelly: [has been impatiently waiting. turns attention to Giff] And you?

Giff: I ordered 20 minutes ago.

Waitress Kelly: Oh, right. [rifles through notepad and can’t find order] What was it?

Giff: Large pizza no cheese, extra pineapple, mushrooms, and anchovies.

Waitress Kelly: Right, right. It’ll be out in a minute. [exits]

Giff: No, no it won’t.

Zig: [has been staring into space] What?

Giff: It won’t be ready in a minute. It’s a very specific order and she didn’t give it to the cook. It’ll be a minimum of ten minutes before it’s ready.

Zig: Oh, right. I’m not going to eat it anyway. No cheese is bad enough but anchovies and pineapple? Come on, what are you playing at? It’s got to taste nasty.

Giff: No, it—

[Merris enters as if she owns the place… well, her dad does.]

Merris: Afternoon, dweebs.

Giff: Suck a lemon, Merris.

[Zig heads over to the pinball machine, pointedly ignoring Merris.]

Merris: [looks distastefully as Zig rummages in his pocket for a quarter and begins to play] I can’t believe you touch that thing after dweeby kids wipe their noses on their hands play that all day…oh wait, you’re one of them.

[Laughing to herself, Merris walks away and trips over the pinball cord on her way to her father’s office upstairs. She picks herself up quickly, looks around to see if anyone noticed—none of the patrons or staff really give a damn; she continues out of sight]

Giff: Zig?

Zig: Hold on, a sec—Got it! Yeah! BONUS points! One free game.

[Enter Captain]

Captain: Hey, Zig! Giff! Zig, how’d ya like a pizza on me? I know you won’t eat that monstrosity they’ll bring for Giff.

[Giff looks offended, but Captain just claps Zig on the back (causing him to lose the game) and ruffles Giff’s hair. Captain sits next to Giff and attempts flag down Waitress Kelly, who is flirting with another patron in the corner. Zig pulls up another stool to the counter since Captain took his. As Waitress Kelly passes by, Captain sticks out an arm and snags her around the waist. She humors him and sits on his knee while he orders.]

Waitress Kelly: What’ll it be?

Captain: Extra large pepperoni and a Coke.

Waitress Kelly: Coming up. [She moves back behind the counter.]

Zig: I’ll bite., Cap’n What’s put you in a good mood that provides me with free pizza?

Captain: I’m being published.

Zig: What?

Giff: You?

Captain: Me. I’m being published.

Zig: How did you wrangle that?

Giff: I didn’t know you could write.

Captain: Well, it just so happens that I do write.

[Waitress Kelly arrives with Giff’s pie and Zig’s soda, and one bill]

Waitress Kelly: You know the drill. Pay at the register before you go. [goes off to flirt again with patron in the corner]

Giff: [calls after her] We come here every day. Shouldn’t you know the drill? As in separate checks? [Waitress Kelly completely ignores him]

Zig: So, Cap’n, what’s this about you writing?

Captain: It just so happens that I wrote a poem…and it got published. Here, see for yourself. [digs around in his pockets, but rather than producing a magazine or newspaper, he pulls out a napkin with words written in sharpie.]

Giff: [snickers] Oh, yeah. That looks official.

Captain: [glares] This was the first draft. It’ll be worth serious cash someday. I’ll get the magazine in the mail next month. If you don’t believe me, take a whiff of this paycheck!

[Captain waves it in Giff’s face and Giff grabs it. While Giff reads the check Captain clears his throat and stands, trying to strike an impressive pose with one foot resting on the stool.]

Captain: Rushing blue blurs racing past
Down and down, crashing,
Whirling fast.
The wind screams in my ears.
Where is up?
How do I find down?
And can I get off this ride before I get sick?
But…
The wind burns and there’s no safety belt.
Free falling, the world at my feet.
I’ve got no choice but to crash and hope I walk away.

Zig: That’s not a poem.

Captain: Yes it is.

Zig: No it’s not.

Captain: Yes. It is.

Zig: No, it doesn’t rhyme.

Captain: Poems don’t have to rhyme. They just have to be artistic.

Zig: Are you sure?

Giff: What’s it about anyway? Rollercoaster?

Captain: [looks offended] Rollercoaster? No! Rollercoasters are for kids. It’s about the time I went base jumping.

Giff: You did not.

Captain: Yes I did. You don’t believe me?

Giff: And if I don’t…?

Captain: Well, I did it. Look, if you don’t believe me, we can go now. Give me a couple of hours and I’ll set something up and all three of us, we’ll go jump.

[He stands just as Waitress Kelly finally gets around to bringing his pizza and Coke]

Captain: Right after my pizza. Dig in, Zig.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Zig and Giff are walking down the street after having just left the pizza parlor. Captain is nowhere in sight.]

Zig: Do you think he really did it?

Giff: Do I think who really did what?

Zig: Cap’n. Do you think he really went base jumping?

Giff: No. He’s all talk.

Zig: I’m not sure. How long’ve we known him?

Giff: I’ve known you, for what, six years now?

Zig: Since junior high.

Giff: And we met Captain about three years ago? Three and a half? We were freshman.

Zig: Yeah, I’d just left Millbrook to head for the arcade and you were on your way from St. Dom’s to meet me—

Giff: And I stopped for a sub and my bike got stolen because I forgot my lock.

Zig: Yeah. Ten minutes later we figure your bike’s a goner when out of the blue we’re sitting on the curb and Capt’n rides up on it, returning it.

Giff: I’m still not sure whether he stole it and brought it back or whether he honestly wrestled it away from some thug.

Zig: He treated us to like an hour of pinball after.

Giff: You can last on a quarter for half an hour. And I didn’t play, remember? I took the bike home and you were just about done when I got back.

Zig: Oh, right.

Giff: [shakes his head] There’ve been some good times though. He’s not a bad guy.

Zig: Nope. I wonder if he actually did it.

Giff: I can’t believe you’re actually going to do this. It’s crazy. You won’t.

Zig: Will too. And so will you.

Giff: No way am I getting wrapped up in this.

Zig: Come on, how many opportunities like this are we going to get?

Giff: I’m not going to risk my neck out there. Be an idiot if you want. Our parents would never go for it.

Zig: First off, we’re 18. It’s not as if we need permission slips. And Captain said he’d set it all up. And I’m not an idiot.

[They’ve come to a crosswalk. Zig starts to cross without thinking and Giff reaches out and grabs him by the scruff of the neck, pulling him back on to the sidewalk as a car zooms by.]

Zig: Thanks, Giff.

[Giff sighs as the light changes and they are able to cross.]

Giff: What do I keep telling you? Cross when I cross and you won’t die. What were you thinking?

Zig: Cherry pie. I’m hungry.

Giff: We just ate!

Zig: I know. I’m going to jump. Do you know why?

Giff: Because you’re secretly suicidal and I just never noticed it all these years?

Zig: Because, that car could have killed me. We could die at any point in time.

Giff: We’re 18!

Zig: Hey, it happens. Why not live while we have the chance? Before we die? Or we get old and sick and can’t do anything? Or worse, we get too afraid to live? I don’t want to be afraid to walk out my door at 30.

Giff: We’re not 30. We’re 18. I just don’t think it’s a good idea.

Zig: You think all the time, Giff. When are you going to start to live a little?

Giff: Me? Who spends half of his life in front of a game machine? You call that living?

Zig: Well, at least I’m trying to mend my ways. I think this is a turning point in your life. The reason why you met me and the reason why we met Captain. This is it. This is the beginning of the rest of your life!

Giff: [starting to come around] You really think it’s as philosophical as all that?

Zig: [seeing an opening] I know it is. What would...what would that Kant guy you were reading about do if he were here?

Giff: Immanuel Kant? Well, seeing as he lived his life in seclusion—

Zig: [exasperated] Okay then, here you have a chance to one up Kant.

Giff: [resigned] Where do I sign up?

Zig: I knew you’d see the light.

[Scene cuts back to the pizza parlor. Waitress Kelly has just come from taking a drink order and is heading back toward the counter to place an order with the cook. Merris is sitting at the counter doing something with her cell phone and occasionally looking up at something we can’t see.]

Waitress Kelly: Coming right up! [Passing Merris on her way behind the counter] Watch out… hot patron in #6.

Merris: John? You can’t like John!

Waitress Kelly: And why can’t I?

Merris: Because…because he’s my boyfriend. He just doesn’t know it yet.

Waitress Kelly: [snorts] Oh, yeah, because that makes so much sense. You don’t own him and your name’s not on him. I’m going over to talk to him.

Merris: No you’re not!

Waitress Kelly: Just watch me.

[As Waitress Kelly starts past her as she undoes the first and second buttons on her shirt, Merris yanks on her ponytail. While Waitress Kelly flinches and starts to fix her hair, Merris gets up and goes over to John’s table, attempting and failing to look seductive. She sits at his table, attempt to push her breasts together with her arms and failing to result in any cleavage.]

Merris: Hi, John.

John: [has been staring at the door and is startled by Merris’s sudden appearance. John goes to school with Merris and is still in his school uniform, but the sleeves have been rolled up and his tie is untied around his neck.] Oh, hi. Mary, right?

Merris: Merris.

John: Oh, sorry. [looks awkward, trying to figure out what on earth this girl is doing at his table. She is starting to creep him out as she tries to flutter her eyelashes at him.] Do you have something in your eye?

Merris: No. [As she tries to think of something else, Waitress Kelly comes to the table bringing John a soda. Waitress Kelly makes sure to bend down low, but he doesn’t notice.]

Waitress Kelly: Hey, John. Here’s your Coke. Your pizza will be ready in a few minutes. Do you mind if I sit down?

John: Thanks. I guess not.

[Waitress Kelly blatantly ignores the chair next to Merris and settles herself on John’s lap. He looks more awkward than ever and keeps glancing at the door. Merris is shooting death glares at Waitress Kelly as she starts to play with his hair.]

Waitress Kelly: So…what are you doing later tonight? I get off my shift at 9.

John: Could you get off? Actually I’m waiting for somebody.

[At that moment, the door opens and John’s face lights up as a tall man around 20 enters wearing a leather jacket, t-shirt, and jeans. John manages to get Waitress Kelly off his lap and he and the man kiss briefly.]

John: What kept you?

Man: Sorry, I had to drop my sister off so I could use the car. Do you want to sit down so we can grab a bite before the movie?

John: I’d rather eat somewhere else. [John digs money out of his wallet for his pizza that never came and soda and leaves it on the table, grabbing his Coke. His boyfriend puts his arm around him as they exit. John is clearly grateful to get away from Merris and Waitress Kelly.]

Waitress Kelly: All that and he doesn’t even like girls.

Merris: Why are the good-looking ones always gay?

Waitress Kelly: It beats me. [She looks around for anyone else appealing the shop and sees no one worth any effort and buttons her blouse back up. She picks the money on the table up.] He left cash for his pizza. You want to split it? This place isn’t exactly mobbed right now.

Merris: [She considers, but instead returns to her normal snobby self.] No, I don’t eat with tramps. I’m going across the street for a smoothie.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Giff, Zig, Captain, and Mike are at the top of the skyscraper which is still under construction. The metal frame exists but there are still no walls and much floor is missing. Mike is long haired, somewhat scruffy looking. He’s handing out parachute packs to the other three. Another pack sits at his feet. They aren’t exactly pretty, but they look right. Giff is agitated and nervous. Zig is smiling, excited, but worried underneath. Captain looks in control and as though he does this all the time, though he’s only done it once and it was one of his more nerve-wracking experiences. Mike is mellow, fairly happy, humming some bizarre tune under his breath.]

Giff: Are you absolutely positive that these parachutes are safe?

Long Haired Mike: Uh-huh.

Giff: How do you know they’re safe?

Long Haired Mike: Came up here last week.

Zig: That’s the point, Giff! We don’t know it’s safe. People do die doing this. It’s our turn to live now.

Giff: I think I should go back down now. I forgot. I’m afraid of heights. And I’m late for dinner.

Captain: Quit making excuses. No one’s going to force you to do this.

Long Haired Mike: We’ll just ridicule you forever if you don’t.

Giff: I don’t even know you!

[Captain takes a long look a Giff, looking him square in the eyes.]

Captain: Giff, nobody is going to make you do this. You don’t have to. But how are you going to feel if you decide you aren’t willing to do this? Are you going to feel like you missed out? Are you going to wish you did it with the rest of us?

Giff: No, of course not. This isn’t legal, is it?

Captain: If you want to get technical we are—at the very least—trespassing on private property. And Mike’s instructional license for this type of thing isn’t really good anymore. It expired.

Giff: But he has one?

Zig: Had one. Weren’t you listening?

Captain: Yeah. What sort of guy do you think I am? I wouldn’t ask you to jump off a building with some guy who didn’t know what he was doing. I’ve done some stupid things but I wouldn’t do something that stupid.

[Long Haired Mike gives Captain a look.]

Captain: Alright, I might do something that stupid but I wouldn’t drag Zig and you into it.

Zig: [starting to show apprehension] Just how safe is this? I’m not going to have to make up some story about breaking my leg falling out of a tree, right?

Captain: Probably not. Just follow the directions Mike gave you and you’ll be all set.

Zig: Alright. First day of—

Giff: Don’t say it. It’s cheesy.

Zig: But it’s true! From here on out—I’m going to slow down on the gaming and try to really live.

Giff: Yeah?

Zig: Yeah.

[Silence.]

Giff: So…

Zig: So?

Giff: I’m in. Let’s do this before I lose my nerve.

Long Haired Mike: Alright, remember what I told you. Captain an’ I’ll go first. When you go, remember to space yourselves out enough. You don’t want to risk the lines getting tangled. Remember, jump, count to about 5, and pull the string. This isn’t that high of a jump relatively speaking. You’ll do fine; just don’t forget.

Zig: Got it. Got it, Giff?

Giff: Yeah. I got it.

Long Haired Mike: Alright then. You ready, Captain?

[Captain moves about fifteen yards to the right.]

Captain: Here’s nothing. On three.

Long Haired Mike: Uh-huh. One.

Captain: Two.

Long Haired Mike: Three.

[And Captain and Long Haired Mike step off the roof and towards the ground, freefalling. Zig and Giff watch them fall and then pull their chutes. It doesn’t take long for the two men to hit the ground…and walk away. Zig and Giff look at each other.]

Zig: It’s now or never. You don’t have to, you know.

Giff: Neither do you. Are you scared?

Zig: Yeah. You?

Giff: Yeah. You know, you don’t have to do this either.

Zig: But I want to.

Giff: Me too.

Zig: See you at the bottom?

Giff: You’d better believe it.

Zig: I’ll buy you an orange drink when we get there.

[Zig grins and jumps. Giff watches him for a second or two and races off a few yards before taking a deep break and jumping down himself. The two freefall until first Zig, and then Giff pulls the cord for their parachutes.]

Giff: Zig! This is amazing!

Zig: Yeah! I know!

[Giff looks around, watching the surrounding buildings speed past. Zig watches as the ground gets closer and closer. First one, then the other hits the muddy turf. The drag themselves up, splattered with mud and grin at one another.]

Zig: So.

Giff: Yeah.

Zig: Yeah?

Giff: Yeah.

[Captain and Long Haired Mike hurry over.]

Captain: You two alright?

Giff: Fine. Jarred a little when I hit, but the mud helped absorb it.

Zig: Yeah.

Captain: What’d you think?

Zig: I think…I think I get it now.

Long Haired Mike: Get what?

Zig: Capt’n’s poem, not poem thing. I think I know what he was talking about now.

Giff: Yeah. That total sense of freedom, falling for those few seconds without anything keeping me up or holding me back.

Captain: We just narrowly escaped the jaws of death, gentlemen. Time to grab a pizza!

[Scene cuts to Zig, Giff, Captain, and Long Haired Mike entering the pizza parlor, mud-splattered and carrying their packs their packs, mostly with parts of parachute sticking out since (with the exception of Long Haired Mike) they weren’t quite able to repack them the same way they had initially been. They settle themselves at the table where Waitress Kelly is in the midst of eating John’s pizza and grab extra chairs as needed.]

Waitress Kelly: You’re back again? Don’t you have real lives outside of this place?

Captain: Sure we do.

Giff: As a matter of fact, we just finished jumping off a building.

Waitress Kelly: You did not.

Zig: Yeah, we did. [hands her his pack and she opens the top, inspecting the contents]

Waitress Kelly: Did you really?

Long Haired Mike: Not too bright, are you? Didn’t they just tell you twice? Are you going to finish that? [points to the pizza]

Waitress Kelly: Help yourself. [pushes the pizza towards him, ready to listen to their story]

Zig: Could we get some drinks?

Waitress Kelly: In a minute. So, where did you go?

Giff: Don’t worry about it, Zig. I’ll get them. Captain, what do you want?

Captain: Coke. So, Kelly, it all started when Giff and Zig here didn’t believe me when I told them jumped off a building—

Zig: Actually, it started when we didn’t believe he wrote a poem.

Waitress Kelly: You wrote a poem?

[Giff in the meanwhile has gotten up and gone behind the counter to get drinks. He grabs an orange soda, two Cokes, and a bottle of strawberry milk and returns to the table, passing out the drinks. As Captain tells the story, Merris enters with her smoothie.]

Merris: Oh, no, the losers have multiplied. Somebody save us.

Giff: You know, Merris, for someone who doesn’t work here, you spend an awful lot of time here, and you spend it alone. What’s that say about you?

Zig: Yeah, we’ve got each other at least. All you’ve got is that smoothie.

[Merris looks hurt for a moment, and then glares at Waitress Kelly.]

Merris: You had better get back to work…or else. [She walks off, making a call on her cell phone.] Daddy, do you need a new manager here? I’m willing to take the job after school… [Her voice fades as she goes farther and farther away.]

Captain: Not that she didn’t deserve it, but that was kind of harsh, Zig.

Giff: Maybe. But she’s a snot. She deserves to have it handed to her once in a while.

Waitress Kelly: I’d better get back to work though. See you tomorrow?

Giff: See us in ten minutes. I want a large pizza, no cheese, with green peppers and M&Ms.

Zig: And since we’ve polished off what was left of this one, could we get an extra large pepperoni too?

Waitress Kelly: I’ll be out in a few minutes.

[When Kelly brings the pizzas out, she sits at the table with the boys. Captain puts an arm around her.]

Captain: What’s got you so glum tonight?

Waitress Kelly: Hit on a gay guy. Most definitely a waste of energy.

Giff: Well, yes, sounds like it would be.

Waitress Kelly: Merris and I were fighting over him. If she becomes manager here…let’s just say I’m going to enjoy work less than I do now if I’ve got to answer to her.

Zig: Do you even have managers here?

Waitress Kelly: No, but if she wants it, her father’ll create the job.

Captain: [Kisses her on the cheek.] Cheer up. We’ll be around to help you make her life difficult.

Zig: If only we could convince Merris to jump off a building!

ROLL CREDITS AND CHEESY THEME SONG