The key word here is "suspected." Deflecting suspicion of strange goings-on is difficult wearing a waldo hat, so it is of utmost importance we set up a fall-guy for our humanitarian efforts. Given our goals, the choice of a stooge became obvious.

We wanted to brighten our target's day.
We wanted to promote the little indulgences of life as still meaningful.
We wanted to infuse our economy with consumer confidence and curiosity in products during the traditional time of giving and consumption.

We were going to form the Surreptitious Market Department of Sees™ Candy! (Sees™ Candy disclaims any authorization by, affiliation with, or endorsement of Sees™ Candies LTD.)

First we made a few cards with "Surreptitious Marketing Dept. Sees™ Candy" on one side, and "Happy Thanksgiving" on the other. Then we bought a dozen lolly pops from Sees ($6.40, in case anyone was wondering), and threaded them through the cards to make our marketing props.


The first target was a bored-looking salesman trying to sell bath salts. Walrus slipped a pop into a basket of wares and Waldo got a picture of him as we walked away trying to look very unhurried.


Actually presenting people with gifts while remaining completely unsuspected is a challenge. Do you slip them into purses? Do you get them into pockets? We saw plenty of lonely people (cue Beatles) but actually giving them a lollipop posed a problem.

Then we considered the helpful grocery cart. It's like a giant purse, except the owners regularly neglect to watch them. Our efforts in the grocery store ranged widely from Waldo's smooth deposit into the cart of a grumpy-looking woman...


... to absolute fail by the Walrus.

I moved far too much (bending over to put it into the cart of a store employee), and he turned around from restocking Frozen Foods as I was beating a hasty retreat. He insisted on finding me in the store and thanking me, which was nice, but not at all the intended result. I muttered something gracious and ducked quickly into Produce.

As we were leaving, the Walrus left a lollipop by a checkout counter where both the employee and the customer looked miserable. The photography, however, was a bit tricky as we were in a hurry to leave.


Four down, seven to go. Next Waldo spotted a hooded jacket over a chair by another vendor and targeted it while the Walrus tried to record the event. Unfortunately, as she was aiming the camera, the vendor snagged her.

It turned out that the stand we'd targeted was a makeup stand. The vendor assumed that I was hanging around in hopes of getting a free makeover, and I couldn't think of a good excuse for lurking there quickly enough. She shepherded me forcibly into a chair, enveloping me in copious bosom and perfume, and began applying the entire color spectrum to my face, splashing it so that we both became increasingly speckled. I almost never wear cosmetics, and dislike people touching my face, so this was not my idea of a good time. I escaped after a while, but not before I'd deflected metallic eyeshadow with my hand and gotten half of my face painted pale.

We hid another gift in a hat store for the vendor, who wasn't selling much, and then retired to write some more cards.

The dark interior of a clothing store was next. A woman helpfully left her jacket on a chair while she tried things on, and it acquired a surprise in the pocket.

In Borders, Waldo stuck a copy of "The Watchman" into a display of the new "The Watchmen". When that is corrected by the stockboy, he or she will locate a lollipop cunningly concealed behind the misplaced Watchman.

Lingerie! We stopped targeting specific people for the moment and concentrated on the absurd.


Both the tired-looking guard pushing this cart and the sign saying "Do Not Put Child In Bag!" made this irresistible.


Finally, in the parking garage, we located construction of a new escalator. Lying forlornly around the lot were bits of escalators, or escalator units if you will. When the construction workers show up next to their shift, they will have a surprise.


The brief but exciting existence of the See's Candy Surreptitious Marketing Campaign is over.