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The Found Walrus
Peacekeeper
Level 5: 1071 points
Alltime Score: 2527 points
Last Logged In: March 20th, 2011
TEAM: El Lay Zero TEAM: SFZero Animal Posse TEAM: LØVE TEAM: Casting Call TEAM: Game of Deception TEAM: N's a Crowd BART Psychogeographical Association Rank 1: Commuter The University of Aesthematics Rank 2: Dealer Humanitarian Crisis Rank 1: Peacekeeper Biome Rank 2: Ecologist Society For Nihilistic Intent And Disruptive Efforts Rank 1: Anti


retired



25 + 105 points

Overkill by The Found Walrus, Waldo Cheerio

July 1st, 2008 5:29 PM / Location: 34.007967,-118.4896

INSTRUCTIONS: Take a childhood pastime to the extreme.

Extreme Kite Flying

Kite flying is fantastic to a five-year-old, but usually loses its appeal: once you have the plastic up and flapping really not much else can be done with most kites. Stunt kite flying, though, is a much more exciting (one might even say extreme) variation. I've been a stunt kite junkie for a few years, and recently taught Mr. Cheerio. His training was enlivened by a visit from a police helicopter, which, apparently, found our kite interesting, and tightly circled it a few times. I wish I knew if they were doing a threat assessment or just admiring Mr. Cheerio's prowess. He landed quickly and the fuzz departed.

(Waldo: My theory is they had a birds-eye view of a crowded beach, and the pilot was frantically pointing at the ground, shouting to his passenger "No, right there! Look where I am pointing. The guy flying the kite! I found him!" On that basis, the police helicopter pilot took the childhood pastime of finding Waldo to the extreme, by finding him from a freakin' helicopter on the entire California Coastline.)

Later I actually discovered that my 250-feet lines are 50 feet above the legal limit, but I can't think of any sane reason even aerial policemen would be educated in the finer points of stunt kite law.

I'm very fond of my current kite, and would sorely hate to lose it -- I had to train Waldo on the Plan B kite, just as a precaution against losing it (or him) in the crowd.

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Generally one is supposed to steer with hands, but (fortunately?) I broke my left hand a few weeks ago and have had to try flying from the hip. This works surprisingly well.

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This begged an important question. If I can competently fly a stunt kite by tying the lines onto my pants, are there any other alternative, and even more extreme flying methods?

Elbows...
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Feet! This turned out to be an amazingly good workout for my legs. The wind was strong enough that being dragged along by my feet was a very real and sandy problem.
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Knees...?
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Knees lying down.
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The natural effect of experimentation is crash landing. It's hard to steer with knees.
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Kites have a long and distinguished history of kite-on-kite bloodsport (where the aim is to sever the other kite's string), but I don't know of anyone else who uses them to dive-bomb friends. The blue kite is unsuitable for this pursuit: it gets up to 70 mph, and the carbon-fiber poles would likely give someone an EXTREME contusion. Using a lighter kite (below) we had planned for me to knock Mr. Cheerio's hat off, but after he was accidentally beaned by the kite he somewhat lost enthusiasm for the idea and took over flying (and unsuccessful dive-bombing) instead.
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This left another vital question. If I could fly with my feet, could Mr. Cheerio fly blindfolded with spoken instructions? Apparently yes! We had no blindfold, as such, but Mr. Cheerio's hat is surprisingly versatile. (Waldo: I would like to thank all of you who have helped me recover my lost hats over the years, I continue to lead a rich and fulfilling life because of good samaritans like you.)

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+ larger

Super Deluxe Gourmet Stunt Kite Extreme
The Anatomy of Extreme
Extreme Shorts
Soaring Majestically
How do these apples appeal to you?
Elbows
Imminent: Da Feet
Would you believe second deadliest?
Weee!
Thigh Master Extreme
Well you can tell...
...by the way I use my walk...
...I'm a woman's man: no time to talk
...Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'...
...and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Training Kite
Training Duck
Well now, I get low and I get high...

21 vote(s)



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10 comment(s)

(no subject)
posted by teucer on July 1st, 2008 5:35 PM

Vote for non-disastrous contact with the police.

Non-disastrous contact
posted by Waldo Cheerio on July 1st, 2008 6:07 PM

Oh... votes for non-disastrous contact. Well then... I guess I won't be submitting that praxis then. Hmm... Thanks Dok, you've never steered me wrong.

(no subject) +2
posted by teucer on July 1st, 2008 6:27 PM

Disastrous contact is also voteworthy.

(no subject)
posted by The Animus on July 1st, 2008 11:48 PM

How could you even THINK destructive thoughts!? How dare you! That's not what SF0 is about, guys!

(no subject)
posted by Lincøln on July 2nd, 2008 1:17 AM

Ha.

(no subject)
posted by meredithian on July 2nd, 2008 10:14 AM

disastrous = destructive?

uh... ok

(no subject)
posted by The Animus on July 2nd, 2008 10:21 AM

Don't feed the troll.

(no subject)
posted by meredithian on July 2nd, 2008 10:43 AM

huh? i'm just confused. what does this have to do with kite flying, or this praxis? who is a troll.... you don't mean you, do you? i mean, just... what?

edit: er, sorry for the non-relevance. i think i missed something somewhere, but i'll keep it off your thread!

(no subject)
posted by The Animus on July 2nd, 2008 11:36 AM

It's alright. This is just my passive-aggressive way of saying there's aspects of SF0 I don't like. Took me awhile to figure out there's merits beyond these low points. So feel free to ignore me. My apologies to Waldo and The Walrus for mucking up their transcendant work with something so mundane as a failed flame-war.

(no subject)
posted by meredithian on July 2nd, 2008 10:17 AM

i didn't realize that extreme kite-flying even existed. cool.