Forgive me, Father SF0, for I have sinned. It has been 20 years since my last confession.

Father SF0, over the course of one day, I have found myself committing each of the seven cardinal sins in turn. I just couldn't stop myself, Father; it was as if I was drawn to each sin and compelled to commit it...as if I'd promised I would do so and didn't want to disappoint some unseen collaborative of sinners.

First, I slept for 15 hours. Even though I'd gone to bed the night before at 10pm, I stayed in bed until 1pm even though I was no longer tired. I woke up three separate times and could have easily gotten up and started my day, but I didn't. I didn't even answer my phone or return text messages from my husband, even though my phone was mere inches from my head.

Once I woke, I found myself smoking pot immediately. The pot made me so hungry that I ate a large lunch followed by two "snacks" not even an hour later. All told, I ate a can of ravioli, a large salad with chicken, half a bag of Ruffles, half a box of Triscuits with cream cheese, 3 Diet Mountain Dews, 2 popsicles, and scrambled eggs with cheese. My stomach hurt but still I ate.

Then my brother came over, as we had plans. He took me downstairs to see his new VW, and I was envious. Not only is his car better than mine, but it's got waaay cooler looking dials and lights. I made a sour face and tried to downplay how much I liked the car.

My brother and I went out for lunch at McDonald's and even though I had enough cash in my wallet to pay for both of us, I was overcome with the need to hold tightly to every last dime. I asked if he could pay for me because I was out of cash and didn't want to use my card. He paid without argument while I laughed inside my head.

Father, the worst part came when my brother and I got into an argument while we were talking about family stuff. Even though I'm usually the rational and cool-headed one, I just couldn't resist the temptation to keep sinning, and so I purposefully acted angrier than I was just so I could be angry at something. And once my yelling made him back down and concede the argument, I was too proud of my win to admit that I could see his side of things and come to a compromise.

Finally, when my husband got home from work, I attacked him and demanded that he have sex with me that instant. Father SF0, I barely let him get in the door. I ambushed him with sexy lingerie and promises of dirty things in our marital bed...he didn't have a chance.

So you can see my predicament and my desperate need for absolution. Please give me my penance so I can get started right away. I have a feeling it's going to be a long one.

[[Voo]]


(Note: I both explained and apologized to my brother once my task was complete. My husband suspected I was up to some task the whole time...or so he claims *now. I'm not sure how to take that.)