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To save you from having to interpret further, I wrote the rest of this praxis after I gained access to my hands again. Seeing as I am ambidextrous, disabling my dominant hand was going to be a problem, so I did what any self-respecting ambidextrous player would do: I spent the day without the use of either hand.



Disabling my hands was the last of my troubles. I put on two pairs of socks on each, and had my sister help me immobilize them further with some tape. All was good, or so it seemed... I had overlooked a small detail - taking pictures was pretty much impossible (because I'm not telekinetic, nor do I have a magical floating camera).



As evidenced by this Escheresque photograph here, taking pictures with ones feet is extremely difficult. I'm not entirely sure how my bedroom decor managed to curve itself. The mirror was perfectly straight...

I found a much better way of taking photographs. Painful, but at least the photos were not blurry.



So, with the camera problem fixed, I went on my day (getting sardonic comments from dad about how hungry I must have been to eat my phone). Changing was a rather difficult dilemma. Shedding my pants was easy enough - thank goodness for soft cotton trackies - but I had no desire to flail around like a half-transmogrified scarecrow trying to remove my upper garments. In the end I gave up and resigned myself to wearing the clothes I had gone to sleep in.

Breakfast! An entertaining ordeal.



Having just moved house, there is not much of interest in our fridge. We have two side shelves dedicated to all sorts of asian sauces, so I grabbed the nearest bottle I could grasp with my feet. It turned out to be chilli and garlic, so I carefully put it back in and searched for something more... substantial.



Aha! Some innocent pear and peach pieces. With a handy knife in foot, I set out to eat it. But first, the challenge of opening it.



Success. As a bonus, I now know how to defend myself with a kitchen knife held with my foot! A handy ability indeed.



Here, the problem is how to transfer the sweet, delicious, smooth and naïve pieces of fruit into my watering mouth. I tried aiming carefully and swinging my legs into the air (my torso on the floor) but I only succeeded in making a right mess of the floor. At least I didn't get any on my clothes.



In the end I grabbed it with my mouth and slowly drained it onto my lips, sucking steadily at the same time. Somehow I managed to learn how to reverse circular breath, by sucking with my cheek muscles while pushing the excess air out through my nose. It was a really strange feeling.

This amazing feat was documented by my sister, who "volunteered" her photography services at points during the day.

Also it turns out that this would be my only meal until dinner, because fixing lunch with my feet is pretty much out of the question.



Handling a toothbrush was pretty much impossible. Toothpaste was out of the question - it didn't really matter, considering I couldn't reach my mouth with the brush. In the end I opened the toothpaste with my teeth and tongue and sucked out some minty paste, gargled thoroughly (wetting half my face in the process) and spat. I seriously hope nobody else uses that toothpaste.

Going to the bathroom!



As mentioned earlier, the school winter sports pants I wore were really easy to pull down (a fact exploited in my school's boarding house almost nightly), so using the toilet was not a huge problem. Though there was perhaps a minor control issue.



At this point there's a small gap in the picture taking process, because I had forgotten to lock the bathroom door, and my dad walked in just as I finished taking a picture (using my mouth) of my pants halfway down my legs.

Awkward.

I spent some time watching TV, which was the easiest thing to do handsfree, after which I decided to read and do some homework. (The show I watched numbed me sufficiently enough to make me forget I didn't have my hands available to help me in these jobs.)



Fundamentals of Physics is an excellent book for throwing at your enemies - it's heavy and saturated with knowledge. Unfortunately these attributes were not helpful to me as I tried to carefully lower it to the floor. I failed and it landed heavily on a corner, sustaining some damages.



Flipping pages rapidly to get to the chapter I needed to get to...



Aha. Turning pages took minimal effort, and reading was not difficult, even with the slightly extended distance. I would say it is probably the easiest activity to do handsfree after watching TV and walking.



Writing, however, has got to be near the top of the difficulty list. I had to use a sharpie so my strokes were discernible. I couldn't even muster enough force to open the sharpie! I eventually resorted to asking my sister nicely to open it for me.

I'm definitely not going to be finding definite integrals with a sharpie marker held in my foot, so I just practiced writing.



This says "SFØ", with a (rotated) smiley face. Can you read it?



One day, I will learn how to write with my feet. Legibly.

My next challenge was using my laptop! First I had to transfer it to the ground, so it would be feet accessible. Not wishing a repeat of the textbook drop, I got my sister to move it for me. (Thanks for your amazing support. And for not laughing at me too hard.)



Typing was much quicker than writing, and slightly more accurate - but not too much more. I spent a lot of time on Skype honing my toe-typing. The fad spread, and soon people were trying to type with their tongues, noses, earlobes, elbows, and batteries! Deciphering the chat was very... interesting.

The touchpad was easy to use, and I once again thanked the "double-finger scroll" ability of my Mac Book. Some strange things happened after a few hours of toe-typing: I began to start to think of my feet as hands. As strange as that seems. Even looking at the pictures I think of the toes as fingers (even though I only really used my big toe for things). Also, I found myself wanting to speak incoherently, perhaps a side-effect of toe-typing haphazardly and getting used to the jumbled, messy output. It was a weird sensation, confusing my brain.

Skip a few hours.

Outdoor work! And a chance to see how my feet would fare in the air. (Look, alliteration and rhyme!)



After trying countless of times to pick lemons from my lemon tree using my feet while standing on the other one, I gave up. I was tempted to high kick it, but I was scared of the thorns; no, this required delicate operation. Also notice the bed sheet hanging at my window. That is my temporary bedroom curtain.



This is the view from the ground, as I reach out with my legs to grasp a lemon. I eventually did get one, but I cheated a little by using my forearms to give me more range.



What a lovely lemon. I love lemons. I love sucking lemons. I love the shock to my mouth. I love the refreshing buzz to my senses. I love the cringing sourness. I love the yellow zest. I love their juiciness. I love their firmness. I love lemons, yes I do.



Another small interlude. I couldn't resist the wind chimes. Oh, and it was good to be outdoors at this point because my hands were becoming very, very clammy. The cool wind helped ease the discomfort, but made my feet rather cold.



Back inside, I cleaned my feet on two strange paddings of carpet I found near the entrance. I later found that these were carpet samples. They sure felt good, though I do appreciate the look of the new hard floor.

I also spent some time playing the piano with my feet, and trying to ______ a yo-yo. (What's the appropriate verb here? Toss? Bounce? Whiz? Work? Or perhaps "to yo-yo" is a verb?) A short video may be coming later, though probably not. Hmm.

I spent a lot more time on the computer, and over time became (very slightly) more proficient at toe controls. I was now typing with two toes! I asked the Skype chat for things to do to pass the time.

Dok H, sadistic person that he is, suggested he start a Skypecast then laugh at my efforts to get earphones into my ears using my feet. :( Well, I did eventually figure out how to use earphones - I held them in my mouth, and the sound was transmitted up my jaw very well. Unfortunately no Skypecast did emerge, so I ended up coating my earphones with saliva for nothing. Eww.

He then made the much more sensible suggestion to play a game with my sister! Excellent idea. We played chess - he considered it "too easy", but have you tried playing chess with your feet before? It's really hard not to knock over pieces unintentionally as you make a move, and eventually we just gave up (perhaps because after a while I wasn't knocking them over unintentionally...)

At 6:53 PM, Tac and I counted down the minutes until I would be free. I reflected on my time spent handless - while it may have been fun at times, it was more frustrating than anything else. While some things were easy or enjoyable to adapt to, others really required either supernatural flexibility, some extremely creative scenarios, or a determination greater than that of gummies searching for frosting to consume. It had not been a productive day, but it had by no means been boring.

And finally, sweet release.



Oh, my precious hands! I love you so much!

Please, do not forsake your hands. Remember to appreciate them and thank them for all the work they do, and how convenient they really are. Join the Hand Appreciation Society today. For more information, pick up a free brochure at our office.