I went to the doctor yesterday, and found out that I have a mycoplasma infection. Oh what fun! To celebrate, I decided to go on my first ever BART Psychogeographical Association task! Of course, the essential BARTPA task is the dérive. So I was ready to move and be attracted.

Warning: this praxis has a lot of pictures. Also, I'm very sad to say that it has no jingle.

My journey started at the Box Hill Medical Centre.



I had a strange sensation of freedom... I felt detached. I could go anywhere, anywhere at all. So I started walking. I found a ramp I didn't know existed, which turned out to lead to a bus depot.



I then found an escalator which led into the heart of Boxhill.



From here, I decided to let other people choose my path for a while! I asked a fairly old couple to point in a random direction, and followed their fingers. It led me to a pair of party hats, perched on top of two teenage girls.



Once again I asked them which way I should go, and they directed me to the baby-wear and plush-toy section of a store. Huh.



As I left the store, having perused many overly cute soft toys, I spied a little girl in a red jacket. I decided to follow her. Come here little girl...



After following her around for a while, she led me to Bubble Cup! You can get sugary concoctions with black taro balls at the bottom here.



I bought a Honeydew Milk Tea with Pearls, and asked the man at the counter where to go next. He suggested the photo printing shop!



Perfect, a photocopying machine... 20 cents a copy? That's outrageous! Still, I wanted to copy something. I had a sheet of eyes in my back pocket (it's for something else) and I decided I would photocopy it.



Alas, the photocopier only accepted small denomination coins! So I went next door to a hair salon and asked for change for $5. They were not amused when I asked if I could take all their 10 cent coins, either.



I inserted some coins and printed out copies. But it somehow felt wrong. I asked the shop manager if I could have 200 copies! Wide-eyed, she nodded and pulled out a key to bypass the coin system. 200 copies, at 20 cents each, cost me $40.



At the print shop I also noticed this ad, which seemed like a good sign to show I was going well.



I was very happy at seeing this. So, at this point, I had 202 sheets of eyes (conveniently stacked in a box the shop gave me) and lots of 10 cent coins. Obviously I would have to go spend the coins! I drifted over to the nearest shop, which happened to be called "The Reject Shop". I bought a few things which called to me:



This brightly painted gnome called out to me.



I also bought some cheap silky feeling string and a small bottle of rosemary scents. I paid the cashier in coins - she laughed, which is good. She then told me that I still had 40 cents left over, so I bought a candy bar and gave it to her as a present.

The dérive took a short break as I went to the bathroom. Before and after using it I purged the toilet of evils by liberally sprinkling pungent rosemary scent around the stall. It smells much better now.

Leaving the bathroom, I was drawn by a door that had the words "No Public Access" imposingly painted above it.



I also documented this closed circuit camera. I felt slightly nervous. Would the authorities be on to me? Would they unleash the dogs? Would loud alarms go off if I went through this off-limits door?



None of those things happened. I stepped out into an eerie area flooded with a red light.



And further on, I found a super-secret creepy-looking tank-esque thing!



I drifted on, and found a sign that made me think for a moment that I was in a video game.



Eventually I made it out into the open air, and found myself at the back of Box Hill.



Wondering where I should go next, my question was answered for me by the wailing of a big red fire truck! (The first thing I thought was "doppler effect".)



There was a car crash. I got to talk to the victim and administer some aid! (I rubbed some cream over his chest, which had a nasty imprint of a seat belt on it.)



I later found the smashed car attached to a tow truck (which had a dubious name).



After all this excitement, I thought it best to take a pleasant stroll to areas I'd never been before. I saw some interesting sights.



A creepy plastic man shows the way to go...



Which leads to a cool flower statue! There were a few more of these encircling a house. Very pretty.

At this point in time, I decide it's time to try to give away the gnome I bought earlier! While walking down an unknown street, I met Daryl.



Unfortunately he didn't have a cool accent. He agreed to a photograph, but refused to keep the gnome! So I moved on.

I passed by Anna Burke's office. Ms Burke is an M.P. and so I thought she would appreciate a bright, happy gnome to liven her day. Unfortunately she wasn't in, and the receptionist wouldn't take it either. I did get some brochures though!



Shortly after passing Ms Burke's office, I came across the Box Hill police station! I went inside and asked whether they would accept my happy little gnome. Unfortunately, they couldn't, but Constable Kylie Barrett did write me a note explaining this.



She misspelled "accept" the first time! Obviously she's not a grammar policewoman. Also, I had to resist the temptation of breaking out into "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways" while talking to her.

So I still had my gnome. Perhaps the best way to give it away would be on the Melbourne equivalent of BART - the Metlink tram system! So I hopped on a tram and left my friend in a seat.



While many people passed him by while eyeing him suspiciously, one man picked him up and promptly began to fondle him. In a good way. I talked to him and he agreed to take the gnome! I was elated.



I got off the tram at a random stop, and walked down a street. I was encouraged by a symbol of great power etched into the road:



So I continued. I came across a broken water tap that was thoughtlessly wasting water. Plugging it with my finger did not help, but rather sprayed me with lots and lots of droplets.



I traversed a wonderfully green and open space. Growing up in Indonesia, I never did have green and open spaces, and I always dreamed of being able to frolic in luscious grass... Now my dream has come true.



It wasn't really that exciting.

Down the path, by a trash bin, was an abandoned schoolbag.



I had a strange vision that it contained a bomb and that opening it would blow up the entire city. So I opened it.

It was empty! How anti-climactic. I placed a sheet of eyes in it for future curious people.



As I left a young boy on a bike cycled to the bag. I wonder if he opened it. On the same path, I found a large penis.



I took this to be a sign to change paths! So I went off-road for a while, and cut through some bushes, emerging onto a new track, where I found a discarded bicycle. The back wheel was horribly bent.



I removed the seat and took it with me.



Continuing on my journey of exploration, I found a playground! Time for a quick break. I tried to take a photo on the gliding thing. The sky looks good in this photo!



I left the playground and headed towards a road, hoping to get back on a tram. I was quite lost at this point, so it would be good to have street names to look at. (Unfortunately I accidentally left the bike seat at the playground. Oh well.)

At a road crossing I met a young girl who had made a rubber band ball. She allowed me to take a photo of it (her mom was amused, and possibly thought I was crazy, but didn't stop me).



I really like this photo. (It's also nice to have a phone camera that can take decent photographs.)

We parted ways, and I got onto the nearest tram, not knowing where it would lead me to. I took some tram propaganda:



I got off at the last stop, which happened to be another shopping mall. I went up through parking:



And put the rest of my bottle of rosemary into a coke machine I found. Hopefully nobody tries to drink it...



A singing and dancing man was advertising celery! "One dollar celery, we have one dollar celery!" He sang-shouted. How could I reject $1 celery? I bought two bunches, and gave one away to a shopper, who tried very hard not to accept it (but in the end I won, most probably because she actually did want the celery).

I also saw a whole shopping trolly of celery later, as well as... BROCCOLI!



Decidedly hungry, I went outside and stopped for a quick dinner at a Vietnamese noodle shop. Apart from having delicious noodles, they have very detailed descriptions of said noodles in their menu.



Their logo:



After finishing my dinner I left some decorative plants (celery) in a convenient stand outside the restaurant. It was quite late at this point, so I was ready to head home. I asked for directions, and found that I wasn't that far away.



I payed for a tram ticket, even though I didn't need one because I have a yearly pass. But it made me feel better.



I then gave away my tram ticket to a young man who came onto the tram.



Before we left the tram stop, I saw two young lovers conversing through the tram wall. Tragic.



And on the tram I decided to sit on the floor.



I must have sat on a power off trigger or something, because the tram lost power! The lights went off and the tram came to a halt. Whoops.



So I walked the rest of the way home, with my sheets of eyes and silky string.



And that concludes my first ever dérive! I really enjoyed it: I did things on a whim, I discovered places I never knew before, and I explored places I did know more deeply. It was a blast.