A few editorial notes: I wrote most of this task before the day I posted it, because if all goes well I'm going to be doing it on Yom Kippur, eg: I will be cranky and inarticulate from dehydration. Also, this gets into Bible study territory in some places. You have been warned!
Today is Yom Kippur. I'm Jewish and overeducated in the Ways of my People, but I don't actually believe in God, which makes the balance around the High Holy Days a little complex. Last year I didn't observe Yom Kippur but instead fasted for this Ramadan food drive, which was this brilliant combination of confusion, pride, and guilt that I don't want to repeat. So this year I planned to fast for reals.
This means, of course, no going to school -- without water or coffee in the morning I can't drive to college, I'd go off the road, and anyway I have to attend temple. I would like to add that, of course, my college does not have THE HOLIEST DAY OF THE YEAR FOR JEWS off. Nor do most of the teachers seem to know what the hell it is. Man, my HIGH SCHOOL had it off, as did my elementary school (once one of the richest kids in the grade quietly complained, but STILL.) This shit is bananas.
So: Yom Kippur. God is pretty specific about what you're supposed to do today -- hint, "not eating stuff" isn't enough. You have to wear white, and sincerely make amends, and do better than just beat your breast to make the world a cooler place.
Which brings me to part two!
This was going to be an Unusual Edition completion when I first thought of it; then Mr. Everyday uploaded his version
and made mine derivative antichronologically. Also, his was way more legible. So I put it off till Yom Kippur when I hadn't anything else going. B'reshit (more commonly known as Genesis) tells us that the first repository of knowledge was an apple, so I figured, you know, why not return to basics?
1. Two apples, each loaded with temptation, because I haven't eaten anything since sundown last night.
2. Two cups of honey. At the new year you're supposed to eat apples dipped in honey -- apples because, in places with seasons, they're best in the fall, and the honey to make your year sweet. Ask me how the apples dipped in honey song goes. Only, um, please, don't, because it's stuck in my head already. I colored the honey here respectively green and blue.
3. A knife.
The Tree of Life -- depending on your interpretation, this is either all the OTHER trees in the Garden, some special tree off to the side that Adam's ALSO not allowed to eat from, or the Torah, i. e. wisdom, which can only be given when tempered by knowledge. Isn't it sad how much of this I know? The relevant verse comes from Proverbs:
עֵץ־חַיִּים הִיא לַמַּחֲזִיקִים בָּהּ
It is a Tree of Life to all who hold fast to it.
The Tree of Knowledge Between Good and Evil. In Isaiah 58 God is all, "Is this the fast I asked of you?
הֲכָזֶה יִהְיֶה צֹום אֶבְחָרֵהו
All you're doing is beating your breast and sulking; this is not enough. Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, free the slave, then we can talk."
I'm fasting more as a hack-your-own-brain gesture, and that is pretty sucky, so I cheated a little: one slice of one apple. The one that says "tzum" or "fast". Sacrilicious.
If I were at school today, I would be doing a lab report, so:
Sources of error:
1. During my test run, I would smear the honey into the knife cuts and
then get the excess off by licking the apple. (Man, that sounds like a
bad porno.) This is against the rules on Yom Kippur -- I tried blotting
it with a paper towel, but it didn't really have the same effect. The
apples are definitely less legible here than they were on my first try.
2. I woke up around noon after my family had left to go to the morning
service (I only go to Kol Nidre) and had to sprint through the entire
task to get it done before they came home! I didn't want to be caught
with food coloring, honey, and apples all over the stained kitchen
island; it is very hard to explain.
Areas of success:
1. That apple was tastier than any other apple I have ever eaten.
2. The two most important words in both sentences came out beautifully.
The pictures tell the rest of the story. Now for a badly-earned nap: