Yes, Doctor Moreau

... wherein I follow The Laws of Man recorded by Mr. Edward Prendick, an eyewitness to events on The Island of Dr. Moreau, published by Mr. H.G. Wells.

(those uninterested in a detailed account can stop here, for this is long, or skip down to the Conclusion.)

~(>
Introduction

"The study of Nature makes a man at last as remorseless as Nature. - Dr Moreau

I wanted to explore what it means to be Human -- to learn what participation in Humanity required, in order to better know the Human experience. Seeking expert guidance on the subject, and finding innumerable, self-styled gurus and philosophical confidence men on my quest for the most accurate information, I chose to follow the instruction of a Scientist -- a Man who had an intimate, visceral knowledge of the inner workings of Man and what it took to make a Man, and who had codified Laws so that Men would know how to behave as Men should. That Man is Dr. Moreau.

By what right is Moreau considered an expert? According to Mr. Edward Prendick, author of the only surviving record of the Law of Man, Moreau is "a prominent and masterful physiologist, well-known in scientific
circles for his extraordinary imagination and his brutal directness in discussion"

And as for authority, according to the Law of Man, devised by the Doctor himself --

"Dr. Moreau is the arbiter of the Laws.
His is the House of Pain. His is the Hand that makes. His is the Hand that wounds. His is the Hand that heals. His is the lightning flash. His is the deep, salt sea. His are the stars in the sky."

One would be hard-pressed to find a Man more expertly authoritarian.


To my knowledge there are no living Speakers of the Law. No record by Dr. Moreau himself, nor the subjects of his island domain -- who tended to lack fine-motor coordination and, mostly, opposable thumbs -- survive. I have compiled a version of the Law of Man, one I attest is as complete and accurate as humanly possible, from the snippets recorded in Prendick's testament.

(The events in Dr. Moreau's island laboratory can be found in Mr. Wells' book or one of the kinetographic plays based upon it.)

The Laws

I am a man.

I am a five man. I have little nails. It is well.

I am a five man. I must say the Law:

Not to go on all-fours; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
Not to suck up Drink; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
Not to eat Fish or Flesh; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
(a. Not to eat Flesh or Fowl; that is the Law. Are we not Men?)
(b. Eat roots and herbs; it is His will.)
Not to claw the Bark of Trees; that is the Law. Are we not Men?
Not to chase other Men; that is the Law. Are we not Men?

None escape. For every one the want that is bad. What you will want we do not know; we shall know. Some want to follow things that move, to watch and slink and wait and spring; to kill and bite, bite deep and rich, sucking the blood. It is bad.

None escape. For every one the want is bad. Some want to go tearing with teeth and hands into the roots of things, snuffing into the earth. It is bad. None escape. Some go clawing trees; some go scratching at the graves of the dead; some go fighting with foreheads or feet or claws; some bite suddenly, none giving occasion; some love uncleanness.

None escape. Punishment is sharp and sure. Therefore learn the Law. Say the words.
Who breaks the Law goes back to the House of Pain. There is no escape.


The Experiment
I followed the Law of Man, as I was able, for three (nonconsecutive) days, in order to face as wide a range of conditions as this researcher is likely to face in one's daily rounds:

* an average weekday
* a weekday with Federico Smartypants home
* a weekend day

Sardonicus Tweed, Sir Not Yet Appearing in SF0 and Federico Smartypants helped keep me honest. I was sent to the House of Pain and viewings of the kinetographs as needed. (I rather enjoyed the Burt Lancaster version. Watching the 1996 version should *definitely* count as a trip to the House of Pain. Or several. Such promise [casting! source material!] ; such bizarre execution. But if one needs to know where David Thewliss *really* contracted lycanthropy, one can venture to guess that Moreau's experiments are not always predictable in their results.)


The Doing

Under his stringy black locks I saw his ear..... The man had pointed ears....

"Where did you pick up the creature?"

"San Francisco."
-- Prendick and Montgomery, Moreau's assistant, on M'ling, Moreau's subject and houseboy.

The first day was rainy, which was fortunate. Inclement weather suited quiet pursuits and helped quell urges to chase other Men (especially Mas. Mandus Minioniscule), tear at the Bark of [climb] Trees and paw at the Earth [garden]. I proudly report I was able to play with a four-year-old (including assembling a large a floor-puzzle) and do needed housework (steam cleaning a large area rug), each without going on All-Fours.

I made dinner for the family, without tasting their forbidden portions. Not to eat fish or flesh. That is the Law. Are we not Men?):


While they dined on fowl and drank with straws, I fed on roots and herbs (as his Will) and did not suck up drink (That is the Law. Are we not Men?)


(I did unthinkingly sample flesh earlier in the day, needing protein *now* taking a piece of the closest at hand -- leftover animal-based somethingorother. I have blood sugar and low-iron issues.)

Also, at the end of a long day, flush with smug pride at my accomplishments, I surveyed the work I'd done on the rug by getting on All-Fours, snuffing at the ground [Rug] and pawing at the earth [Fibers of the Rug] to make sure I hadn't missed any spots. Gah! I had been doing so well.

None escape. I reported Sardonicus, who informed me that since I had broken the Law three times that day, I should have to visit the House of Pain (2)^3 times -- and that "only" four of those eight times must be viewing the kinetographic recording of House of Pain's "Jump Around". There is no escape, (neither from Irish hip-hop I used to enjoy until listening to the lyrics on repeat-repeat-repeat, nor from metal of lukewarm quality).

~(>

The second morning of observing the law (also the second day following the first day, though not the day after the first day), the weather was much finer and I felt much joy at having my little-family -- Gen. Smartypants, Mandus and I -- all home. I found it much harder to keep discipline and remember to act as soberly and sedately as Men should. I both chased other Men and went on All-Fours. The Generalissimo, my Whip for the morning, said I could belay punishment, and gave me an imaginary 'membrance-token to be redeemed later (which I used watching the entirely of the 1996 kinetograph.)

I did manage better observance in the afternoon and evening out shopping with Sardonicus and Sir N.Y.A.I.SF0, even when tested: I remembered to remove the lid and straw from a drink Sardonicus handed me before I took my first sip. (A cunning and clever attempt, Professor.) It was much easier to behave as Men should in the more rigid confines of the marketplace than at home.

Another visit to the House of Pain was necessary for my morning's shenanigans.

~(>

"... their elfin faces ... "


I have read the history. I know the cautionary tales. Reversion to type is inevitable, even with the Law of Man to guide us. I am not superior to those who have striven and failed before me.

I had planned to observe the Law of Man for three days. The third day was a Saturday, and again, a fine one after days of rain. The smell of freshly sun-warmed greenery and rich earth. Family.

The memory of the previous non-Law-observing day's romp with the Mandus on the lawn, blowing bubble 'molecules' for him to chase.

I could, with much effort and little joy, observe the Law, but:


There are Men to Chase (and bubbles to blow)
[insert v. cute photograph here,
which I cannot take and perform simultaneously.
I can attest it was fun.]

Trees to Climb

Plants to Tend
Drink to suck up and fowl to Eat
Conclusion
"We have to be what we are, not what the Father tried to make us." -- the Speaker of the Law (1996 kinetograph)

We have to be who we are, because if we're not who we are, then who we are isn't anybody at all-- player's mother, our last lucid conversation

This was a more difficult task than I had expected. It was also a more rewarding one than I had imagined. Realizing just how contrary to my own nature these Laws are has been strangely satisfying. Failing at being a second-rate, counterfeit Man, I can only strive to be my Self, whatever feral, half-civilized, fey and contrary creature that happens to be.

After three two days' observance of Doctor Moreau's Law of Man I have concluded that:

* I make a rather *bad* Man, and
* I'm perfectly okay with that.





I am content with my everyday life.