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What I used to write my secret message. One (1) sheet 8-1/2" x 11" 20 lb. blank paper. Three (3) fine-point Sharpie brand permanent markers (black, blue and red). Two (2) Sanford brand highlighting markers (pink and yellow).

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I had to think for a while. I realized: I don't have a lot of secrets because I am lucky to have people with whom I can share things. Also, of the few secrets I do have, most are sad secrets. I didn't want to install a sad secret message. So then I thought of a happy secret message!

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A couple of years ago, I treated myself to a birthday retreat -- on my own, and I didn't tell anyone where I was going. It was a secret. I still haven't told anyone where I went. It is still a secret. So this secret message reveals my birthday destination. "When I went on that solo birthday adventure -- to the hostel, etc. -- and didn't tell anyone where it was -- well it was in ØØØØØØØØØØØ and I had a great time."

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Then I wrote all over the front of a security envelope (3-5/8" x 6-1/2"): "donotopenthisunlessyouwanttoknowasecret..."

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Then I folded my secret message and ...

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put it inside the envelope and ...

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sealed it all up.

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Then I wrote all over the back of the envelope: "there'sascretinsidethisenvelopesodon'topenitunlessyou'resureyuwanttoknowthesecret ..."

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Then, wearing totally inappropriate shoes (which is kind of a trademark of mine, now that I think about it), I climbed up into my really fucking scary (RFS) attic all by myself to install the secret message in a secretive place.

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To get to the RFS attic, I went through the closet in the bedroom.

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Then I went up the stairs behind the clothes, getting closer to the RFS attic.

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Then I opened the scary latch. The secret message was in the pocket of my trousers. My sidekick (that's my dog not my husband, people!) was whining at the foot of the stairs - worried because he usually goes first when danger is in the air.

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It was pitch dark. These pictures of the RFS attic were all taken with a flash. But it's scary, the floor is all weird and rotting and uneven, and I've only been up there once since I've lived in this duplex. There's all kinds of other people's stuff up there - my secret message will be the first thing of mine to be installed in the RFS attic.

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RFS attic, with RFS pipes and trash. Pitch dark, did I mention? Secret message in my pocket, did I mention?

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Still scary, still pitch dark, still covered with squirrel shit and other people's stuff. I am also kind of dizzy now from my camera strobe flash. Time to install the secret message and get the hell out.

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I released the secret message into the void of darkness.

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My secret message landed in a too visible location, I decided (bottom center), so I shuffled over to it, picked it up and installed it again, more forcefully.

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This time the secret message landed somewhere hidden in this creepy and RFS pile of boards. I skedaddled.

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The latch is shut, the sidekick is relieved, and my secret message is installed. I won't know whether it is ever found, which I kind of like.