15 + 10 points
Dream Resume by lark
April 1st, 2007 1:12 PM
Posted to Monster.com - ID# 116966257
UPDATE: Career Opportunity emails received from:
The Minnesota National Guard
Farmers Insurance Group
Coldwell Banker Burnet
Wadell & Reed
(downloadable resume and collected responses below)
3147 HIAWATHA AVENUE SOUTH
MINNEAPOLIS, MN 55406
KANNON.NANNOK@GMAIL.COM
SKILLS
· Multi-lingual English/Spanish/Somali/Bengali/German/Martian/French
· Communication with plants and rare creatures, such as fairies, clastidons, and jabberwocki
· Undisputed Queen of “Nice but Firm”; Master manipulator with a great set of tits
· Telekinetic structural re-engineering; running from monsters in slow motion; flight; unlimited underwater breathing
· Too busy with my flowers to believe
· Mac/PC compatible.
EXPERIENCE
MYTHIC EXPLORER Spacetime variable
· Discovered the “Providence” neighborhood, accessible only by walking East at a certain time of day
between the Whittier and Powderhorn neighborhoods.
· Discovered the only known copy of a (reportedly mythical) Judith Butler text in the basement of a used bookstore
· Extensive work with databases; filing, copying, and managing sensitive case files.
PROFESSOR OF ATOMIC RHETORIC University of Strange Attractors
· Engaged in spirited critical debates with a polemical colleague (my secret love)
· Forcefully eradicated the use of “as such” from works of criticism
· Directed a Batman movie with Allen Ginsberg, live-actors, puppeteers, and fire.
BILDUNGSROMAN (ERZIEHUNGSROMAN und KÜNSTLEROMAN) HERO
· Gained admittance to the Table of Crones; elected to secure world peace
· Framed for murder, went on the lam
· Successfully outran alien entities searching for blue, 7th-state power source
· Pre-historic teeth self-extraction at Machu Picchu; (eggs and roots-based)
· Dragons slain, debts collected, virgins altered
FLUID DYNAMICS RESEARCHER International Fieldwork Locations
· Tracked and researched catastrophic wave patterns on unfamiliar beaches
· Built sandcastle homes with buried treasure
· Telekinetically tracked and diverted pre-historic weather patterns away from major metropolitan areas
· But sometimes I just watched them destroy everything.
EDUCATION
University of BARTpa
Graduation Anticipated
Major: Global Paranormal Studies
Concentrations: Roswellium Hyperdynamics; .net Art
Minor: Knitting on Public Transit
UPDATE: Career Opportunity emails received from:
The Minnesota National Guard
Farmers Insurance Group
Coldwell Banker Burnet
Wadell & Reed
(downloadable resume and collected responses below)
KANNON NANNOK
3147 HIAWATHA AVENUE SOUTH
MINNEAPOLIS, MN 55406
KANNON.NANNOK@GMAIL.COM
SKILLS
· Multi-lingual English/Spanish/Somali/Bengali/German/Martian/French
· Communication with plants and rare creatures, such as fairies, clastidons, and jabberwocki
· Undisputed Queen of “Nice but Firm”; Master manipulator with a great set of tits
· Telekinetic structural re-engineering; running from monsters in slow motion; flight; unlimited underwater breathing
· Too busy with my flowers to believe
· Mac/PC compatible.
EXPERIENCE
MYTHIC EXPLORER Spacetime variable
· Discovered the “Providence” neighborhood, accessible only by walking East at a certain time of day
between the Whittier and Powderhorn neighborhoods.
· Discovered the only known copy of a (reportedly mythical) Judith Butler text in the basement of a used bookstore
· Extensive work with databases; filing, copying, and managing sensitive case files.
PROFESSOR OF ATOMIC RHETORIC University of Strange Attractors
· Engaged in spirited critical debates with a polemical colleague (my secret love)
· Forcefully eradicated the use of “as such” from works of criticism
· Directed a Batman movie with Allen Ginsberg, live-actors, puppeteers, and fire.
BILDUNGSROMAN (ERZIEHUNGSROMAN und KÜNSTLEROMAN) HERO
· Gained admittance to the Table of Crones; elected to secure world peace
· Framed for murder, went on the lam
· Successfully outran alien entities searching for blue, 7th-state power source
· Pre-historic teeth self-extraction at Machu Picchu; (eggs and roots-based)
· Dragons slain, debts collected, virgins altered
FLUID DYNAMICS RESEARCHER International Fieldwork Locations
· Tracked and researched catastrophic wave patterns on unfamiliar beaches
· Built sandcastle homes with buried treasure
· Telekinetically tracked and diverted pre-historic weather patterns away from major metropolitan areas
· But sometimes I just watched them destroy everything.
EDUCATION
University of BARTpa
Graduation Anticipated
Major: Global Paranormal Studies
Concentrations: Roswellium Hyperdynamics; .net Art
Minor: Knitting on Public Transit
2 vote(s)
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(none yet)5 comment(s)
posted by Aaron on April 1st, 2007 1:30 PM
I'm amazed that the address where SFZero players from around here all seem to live is still valid.
posted by Ink Tea on April 1st, 2007 1:41 PM
That address *isn't* valid anymore- when they were removing tagging from the side of the building, they also took Olly's mailbox.
posted by lark on April 1st, 2007 2:14 PM
I don't know if I'm more sad about not receiving (potential) mail for this crazy resume or that they took your fantastic mailbox, and that *you* can no longer receive mail.
Hrumph. Perhaps it should be replaced....
"Virgins altered." *snx*