After performing the Local Network Spy task, I decided to investigate one of my co-workers further. The obvious choice was Lunch Box - those girly pictures of his were definitely on the edge of network policy violations. And if he was willing to flirt with illegality in this way, what else might he have done? Only one way to find out.

Seeing as the title of this task was Public Detective, I decided to be completely open with my investigation, telling him exactly what I was doing and why. I told him I was convinced he was hiding something shady and that I would do my best to find it out! His response was that he was completely clean cut and squeaky clean and that my investigation would prove it. He told me that my search would prove fruitless, that in fact better investigators than I had tried to turn up dirt on him and had failed. (According to him, the security clearance investigation that normally takes a year was concluded in less than two months in his case. - Hmmmm, I wonder what it means that mine took over two years...)

Since the previous investigative team had been unable to discover the true Lunchbox, I decided to go with some more atypical questions:

Q. Why do gentlemen prefer blondes?
A. I prefer Brunettes.

Q. Have you, at any time, been on or around a grassy knoll?
A. No.

Q. Do you own digging/burial implements of any kind?
A. Yes, a hoe and a shovel.

Q. What is my favorite color?
A. Green.

Q. Have you ever been arrested?
A. No.

Q. Have you ever done anything for which you should have been arrested?
A. No.

Q. Why should I believe you?
A. Why wouldn't you?

Q. What other names have you used?
A. Shaggy, Lunch Box, Kronk.

Q. How many lies have you told in your life?
A. None. Ever. Including that one, over 20,000 :)

Q. Do you carry a weapon?
A. Yes, an M-16.


AHA! I knew there was something fishy about this guy! Right away, with the very first question, the subject evades the truth; he doesn't even answer the question, trying instead to steer the conversation to an entirely different topic. Also, did you notice how he admitted to not being a gentleman? From there, it gets progressively more blatant that he is far from being "squeaky clean". He admits to using countless pseudonyms, walking around with a loaded weapon, burying evidence, and being an incorrigible liar. He even lies about the innocent question of my favorite color! (It's black, not green.) Clearly, we can not trust this man.

Now that I have uncovered the dark underbelly that is Lunch Box, the next step is to determine exactly what crime(s) he has committed.

Stay tuned!

I have my suspicions...