Confession by Cthulhu Kitty
May 2nd, 2007 6:16 PMI am terrified of not being able to differentiate between reality and non-reality.
I am afraid that this fear says something bad about me - or is proof positive of an imbalanced mental state.
This most recent SF0 era has caused me to confront this fear due to the large number of lucid dreaming tasks. The most terrifying aspect of which is reality testing. I am terrified that while reality testing during awake states, I will see dream signs. My scariest nightmare consists of me looking into a mirror. I'm doing something mundane, like brushing my hair. My mirror image then stops brushing her hair and instead waves at me and says "Hi. You're insane." I've had this dream at least twice that I can remember. The first time, I woke up immediately, in a sweat. The second time, I threw myself into the mirror and tackled my mirror image, then woke up. Since then, I have actively avoided looking into mirrors. I cannot get past the fear that at some point, while I am awake, I will see something in the mirror other than what should be there. When I have to be near a mirror, I often have a creepy crawling sensation that things are happening in the mirror that should not be. Sometimes, I catch a glimpse of a shadow moving.
This fear and these tasks have at least inspired me creatively (Microfiction)
But other than that, I can't help but feel that this fear makes me very strange indeed...
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A very interesting phobia indeed. The only truly intense phobia I have is also fairly strange: standing at the top of a set of stairs, while facing away from the stairs. I'm fine if I'm facing the stairs, but if I'm facing away, I feel unbelievable anxiety and find myself stumbling away from the staircase in fear.
Remind me to vote for this, if I don't. This computer (my buddy's) is being odd and not letting me vote.
I hope the lucid dreaming tasks will have a positive influence on your phobia rather than a negative one. Lucid dreaming might be a good way of dealing with recurring dream-images and phobias. But if reality testing and such just makes it worse... anyways, good luck.
I used to work at a fast food restaraunt and when the deep fryer timers went off it always made me worry that I was dreaming and that the timer was an alarm clock.
I had this fear, but only specifically in relation to my last job as a nanny... I really, truly often worried that I only thought I was their nanny, and in reality I was just a crazy person who showed up at their house everyday.
I feel you. I have/had the same experiences as yourself. I've come to the conclusion that "reality" is whichever one you have to deal with over 85% of the time.
Anything that falls in the other 15% I chalk up to "bad dreams"....