15 + 11 points
Work is So Strange by Kristen Maddox
August 15th, 2010 8:46 PM
*It is possible to start reading this farther down the page, but you'll get the full effect from some back story.
This task is really difficult for me, because I have some of the most hysterical work moments that the City of Chicago has ever seen. And I can feel pretty confident in saying this. I have worked since last summer at a jewelry store in Chicago, on the North Side. I will leave the neighborhood and store name to the imagination of the reader.
Preface:
My adventure started last year when I wandered into the store and asked if they were hiring. Miraculously, the owner was there. After I started working, she came in sporadically. She works at a successful, financial institution downtown, with other fabulously wealthy, successful people. I will leave the place unnamed. Let's just say she trades things that aren't baseball cards.
To properly imagine my boss you need to think of Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. But shorter, voice 10x's higher, and with about 10,000 more milligrams of caffeine. All the time. Non-stop, 50 projects at once. Me, completely a lot of them.
This summer alone I have been around for numerous "work-related" debacles. Including but not limited to:
-Simultaneous Sangria drinking and soldering (don't try this at home folks...the soldering iron heats to 400 degrees)
-Burning a hole in my dress with said soldering iron (soberly surprisingly!)
-Getting kicked out of Starbucks for bringing in her dog Charlie (see the Derive task for pictures of Charlie)
-Learning intimate details about the issues in her neighbor's relationship
-Boating with my boss and her fabulously wealthy friends while several smoked (not cigarettes).
-Boating again when the boat owner decided he needed a bigger boat a week after the first boating outing.
-Jumping off a dock to save all four pounds of Charlie before aforesaid boating.
-Being verbally assaulted and threatened by a homeless man while walking Charlie. (Together he and I weigh 115 lbs, we are tough customers).
-Discovering I earn less than minimum wage.
Two Weeks Prior...
In the last two weeks of July, my boss discovered that her rent was up on the shop. We packed up the entire thing before August 1. And by we, I mean I did. And by "by August 1", I mean she had me start three days before we had to be out. So since then, I have been working out of her apartment. It started as organizing what was left over from the shop (all stuffed into her living room), managing the etsy shop, and starting a website (which I have zip-o experience in). It then progressed to me basically being her Personal Assistant. But I'm NOT complaining, because she's basically keeping me around due to the goodness of her heart. That and I will literally do anything for money (or a Klondike bar). Not really, that's an exaggeration. But so far, I've done everything she asks. And don't get me wrong, this is
Sorry for the excessive Preface, but I just want everyone to know where I'm coming from.
For those unaware. This occurs when you walk home from a significant other's/FWB/hook-up/whatever's house/apartment. You usually look like a hot mess. In fact, looking like a hot mess is highly encouraged. It makes the process more fun and memorable for both bystanders and witnesses.
Today, my boss called me and asked if I could be at work in a half hour. I could, so I went. I still had her keys so I just let myself into her building. She said she probably wouldn't be back the night before. I took Charlie for a walk, but went back because she said she was out front. I saw the man she's dating's white Escalade on the corner, but decided not to go over in case they were having a private moment.
She came out of the car and was wearing his shirt. They went to a Jimmy Buffett concert the night before and so it was his cheesy, Jimmy Buffett-esque t shirt. Now, she's really tiny, so it was covering her shorts and looked like she wasn't wearing pants. She had total sex hair...however conveniently must have brought with a Bears hat. That was autographed by a player. I mean, I usually throw that in my overnight bag as well.
She clamored down the sidewalk towards me and we chatted briefly by the door. I completely forgot that I was the one with the key. I had accidently made this poor woman stand outside on the street like this for longer than necessary.
As we went in she told me that things hadn't been very good at the concert. Her date's friend snooped through her phone and found literally 50+ texts she had been sending to another man. Including how she slept over at his place after dancing the whole night away (but all her friends did too. This part was probably excluded from the text). Her date was really upset because he had thought they were exclusive.
A little later, I learned details about her new roommate's girlfriend problems. This was the first time I'd had an actual conversation with him since we met the day prior.
And BEST PART...
This task is really difficult for me, because I have some of the most hysterical work moments that the City of Chicago has ever seen. And I can feel pretty confident in saying this. I have worked since last summer at a jewelry store in Chicago, on the North Side. I will leave the neighborhood and store name to the imagination of the reader.
Preface:
My adventure started last year when I wandered into the store and asked if they were hiring. Miraculously, the owner was there. After I started working, she came in sporadically. She works at a successful, financial institution downtown, with other fabulously wealthy, successful people. I will leave the place unnamed. Let's just say she trades things that aren't baseball cards.
To properly imagine my boss you need to think of Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. But shorter, voice 10x's higher, and with about 10,000 more milligrams of caffeine. All the time. Non-stop, 50 projects at once. Me, completely a lot of them.
This summer alone I have been around for numerous "work-related" debacles. Including but not limited to:
-Simultaneous Sangria drinking and soldering (don't try this at home folks...the soldering iron heats to 400 degrees)
-Burning a hole in my dress with said soldering iron (soberly surprisingly!)
-Getting kicked out of Starbucks for bringing in her dog Charlie (see the Derive task for pictures of Charlie)
-Learning intimate details about the issues in her neighbor's relationship
-Boating with my boss and her fabulously wealthy friends while several smoked (not cigarettes).
-Boating again when the boat owner decided he needed a bigger boat a week after the first boating outing.
-Jumping off a dock to save all four pounds of Charlie before aforesaid boating.
-Being verbally assaulted and threatened by a homeless man while walking Charlie. (Together he and I weigh 115 lbs, we are tough customers).
-Discovering I earn less than minimum wage.
Two Weeks Prior...
In the last two weeks of July, my boss discovered that her rent was up on the shop. We packed up the entire thing before August 1. And by we, I mean I did. And by "by August 1", I mean she had me start three days before we had to be out. So since then, I have been working out of her apartment. It started as organizing what was left over from the shop (all stuffed into her living room), managing the etsy shop, and starting a website (which I have zip-o experience in). It then progressed to me basically being her Personal Assistant. But I'm NOT complaining, because she's basically keeping me around due to the goodness of her heart. That and I will literally do anything for money (or a Klondike bar). Not really, that's an exaggeration. But so far, I've done everything she asks. And don't get me wrong, this is
ALL
written out of love, because I genuinely care for her and see her as a friend.The Hands-Down Strangest Thing Commences NOW!
Sorry for the excessive Preface, but I just want everyone to know where I'm coming from.
Today: I witnessed my boss completing a Walk of Shame.
For those unaware. This occurs when you walk home from a significant other's/FWB/hook-up/whatever's house/apartment. You usually look like a hot mess. In fact, looking like a hot mess is highly encouraged. It makes the process more fun and memorable for both bystanders and witnesses.
Today, my boss called me and asked if I could be at work in a half hour. I could, so I went. I still had her keys so I just let myself into her building. She said she probably wouldn't be back the night before. I took Charlie for a walk, but went back because she said she was out front. I saw the man she's dating's white Escalade on the corner, but decided not to go over in case they were having a private moment.
She came out of the car and was wearing his shirt. They went to a Jimmy Buffett concert the night before and so it was his cheesy, Jimmy Buffett-esque t shirt. Now, she's really tiny, so it was covering her shorts and looked like she wasn't wearing pants. She had total sex hair...however conveniently must have brought with a Bears hat. That was autographed by a player. I mean, I usually throw that in my overnight bag as well.
She clamored down the sidewalk towards me and we chatted briefly by the door. I completely forgot that I was the one with the key. I had accidently made this poor woman stand outside on the street like this for longer than necessary.
As we went in she told me that things hadn't been very good at the concert. Her date's friend snooped through her phone and found literally 50+ texts she had been sending to another man. Including how she slept over at his place after dancing the whole night away (but all her friends did too. This part was probably excluded from the text). Her date was really upset because he had thought they were exclusive.
A little later, I learned details about her new roommate's girlfriend problems. This was the first time I'd had an actual conversation with him since we met the day prior.
And BEST PART...
I was PAID for all of this. I LOVE my job.
