The bizarre letter.

I was inspired by Neko Totoro's letter to Alan Keyes. I though I thought I would send him a letter that would thoroughly confuse him. or whover he makes read his mail. I used the POBOX from the website and sent a fax to his speaking scheduler. By the way, the fat man I refer to in the letter is Michael Moore.

------- Excerpt from Alan Keyes' web site
Mailing address:
RenewAmerica.us
P.O. Box 77636
Washington, D.C. 20013-7636
Scheduling: To schedule Alan Keyes for speaking engagements, please contact his scheduler, Carla Michele, by e-mail or fax 972-436-5161.
-------

Here's the letter:

FORMER PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON
ASSISTANT TO MR. LOWTECK
XXXX XXXXXXXXXX ST
SAN FRANCISCO, CA 94XXX

January 8, 2006



Dear Mr. Lordship Alan Keyes,

My people and I are in desperate need of your leadership. Our school building is full of stupid stupid selfish young ones. and the stupidity is spreading like a flu in your country. Teachers are gone and children run wild in streets and cause trouble and are mean to their elders! And they refuse to learn important lessons. We are a group of hungry, as we have no farming blogs. As such it is difficult to manage young slorgs. We usually do not have them work until they have more age. Here is an example of the meanness our lorg and elder worgs must receive often.

ELDER SLORG: you are a log of a man
MASTER LORG: YO!
ELDER SLORG: lori
MASTER LORG: that's THE lori to you
ELDER SLORG: you remindme of when i was just a young slorg
MASTER LORG: you are a young slorg, one day you may grow to be a true worg
ELDER SLORG: but youll always be the defacto
MASTER LORG: have I ever told you tales of when I was just a little lorg? I enjoyed slices of melon for five pence
ELDER SLORG: you are just a young lori and you have much learning to do to become a master lorg


Ethical food management is difficult without the values you impose. We can't teach the slorgs proper food distribution. Here is a typical exchange at local food office. The young ones are wasteful and have sick sick minds.


SLORG: It tastes like cocunut
WOG: mmmm....coconut
SLORG: you greasy peach you
WOG: Peach....I could eat a peach for hours
SLORG: youre nasty!!!!
WOG: I really mean it though!!! Wogs have to make every piece of food last. This potato I'm eating now has been feeding me since yesteryear
SLORG: real slogs can blog like you puff hog
WOG: Tell the elder slorg that Chiranjeevi is the star of our blog firm. He's up on 3 computer screens and on my bulletin board.

Alan Keyes, we have seen you dance in the fat man's mosh pit. We believe that you can help us learn the cornucopia of joy, smartness, and wogfulness that is managerial ethics. Meow. Meow. Come speak to our elders and our children. Only you can save us now Alan Keyes. We need you. Contact me to arrange speech making. This is not a joke.

Sincerely,

Former President Bill CLinton