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David Hayman
Level 2: 125 points
Last Logged In: March 26th, 2011
TEAM: Abby-Normal TEAM: Real Name TEAM: LØVE TEAM: Silly Hats Only EquivalenZ Rank 1: User Biome Rank 2: Ecologist

15 + 44 points

The Bears we Frenzy for our Things by David Hayman

September 14th, 2010 4:56 AM / Location: 40.915515,-73.12219

INSTRUCTIONS: Steal something from a wild animal.

For some time now, this task has been in the back of my mind, but I was still in the planning phase. My original plan was to steal a squirrel's nuts, since there are so many of them around, and every time I saw one, I'd stare it down menacingly.
It would of course stare me down in turn as if in some sort of Western style standoff until I lost interest and walked away. This continued to happen several times a day for weeks until I decided that perhaps I should find a more creative target. But at a loss, I continued to go about my usual business, somewhat disappointed in myself until it happened:
The fates truly smiled upon me this day. These ants were guarding something far more precious than nuts; they were guarding the most valuable of all the world's riches: information. This would truly be the heist of the century. Of course, even though I was already well aware of the kingdom to which they belonged, I nonetheless thought it best to consult the Nexus of All Human Knowledge for good measure in order to prove that the organisms I robbed were in fact animals. And after making this verification, I proceded with my crime.
After taking away the most valuable possession of the ants, I admit to feeling some guilt. Perhaps I was moved by the message I had found, and seeing how willingly the ants let it go, I realized that they may have loved it but were far wiser than myself and actually heeded its message. So I returned it to them that they might "keep it and love it forever."

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A divine boon from the heavens.



A most valuable piece of information indeed.



I still haven't determined the meaning of this code at the bottom, but the top indicates that there is a distinct possibility that the ants here were researching how to swim. Perhaps they were preparing for an impending flood...



My furry rival. You win this time.

11 vote(s)

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3 comment(s)

(no subject) +1
posted by rongo rongo on September 17th, 2010 9:45 AM

Well done...I would say you have stolen something from a band of wild animals, which is even cooler than a single one.

posted by David Hayman on September 17th, 2010 1:29 PM

And not to mention the fact that they have abnormal strength and can lift several times their own body weight. Surely my life would have been in grave danger had it not been for the fact that they were lovers of knowledge and peace and that we were able to come to an understanding in the end.

(no subject) +2
posted by Jellybean of Thark on September 18th, 2010 10:06 PM

Maaan, to hell with those ants. Sassy fools all hoarding printed text.