For some time now, this task has been in the back of my mind, but I was still in the planning phase. My original plan was to steal a squirrel's nuts, since there are so many of them around, and every time I saw one, I'd stare it down menacingly.
It would of course stare me down in turn as if in some sort of Western style standoff until I lost interest and walked away. This continued to happen several times a day for weeks until I decided that perhaps I should find a more creative target. But at a loss, I continued to go about my usual business, somewhat disappointed in myself until it happened:
The fates truly smiled upon me this day. These ants were guarding something far more precious than nuts; they were guarding the most valuable of all the world's riches: information. This would truly be the heist of the century. Of course, even though I was already well aware of the kingdom to which they belonged, I nonetheless thought it best to consult the Nexus of All Human Knowledge
for good measure in order to prove that the organisms I robbed were in fact animals. And after making this verification, I proceded with my crime.
After taking away the most valuable possession of the ants, I admit to feeling some guilt. Perhaps I was moved by the message I had found, and seeing how willingly the ants let it go, I realized that they may have loved it but were far wiser than myself and actually heeded its message. So I returned it to them that they might "keep it and love it forever."