vrooom on a yamaha, chromed out 11 hundred, what i'm doing, gettin money, what we doin

GETTIN MONEY

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For this task, I decided to employ temporally-disruptive pickling alchemy (vinegar, salt, chiles, garlic) to rapidly decelerate the aging of 1lb of shiitake mushrooms and 3lbs of kirby cucumbers. Let's take a look at our starting substrates:



To halt the aging/rotting chemistry currently going on inside this produce, I called upon my TIME TOOLS (as seen below).



I had to prepare both the mushrooms and the cucumbers for their journey outside the bounds of regular time. Here is the mushroom prep:



Now, putting veggies in a jar alone isn't going to help you run skew from linear time, you need some alchemical magic. Apart from normal white vinegar and salt, I also relied on some extremely fresh garlic, dug up the night before (coincidentally, a new moon). This shit is potent enough to defer death for these cucumbers. I also added in the decapitated heads and limbs from a dill, slaughtered humanely.

For the mushrooms, I needed something more powerful. I took some dried kanthari chilies that I bought from a dude who looked like he'd stumbled out of a future disco-ashram at the north pole. His mustache was strong and his mellifluous voice spoke only dense trinidadian patios. When I asked him how spicy the chilies were, he offered me a bite. I can assure you they taste like expansive and transcendent fruitfire. Here are before-harvest and after-drying pics:



My last component is the brine, which I must keep secret. Yes, it has vinegar and salt in it, but that's as far as I'm going. Build your own goddamn time machine, this one is MINE.



Mix, and PROCESS for a duration in the sanitizing abyss.



After about 10min, they are effectively frozen in time. After about a year, more or less, the aging process will resume again. Here is the finished product:



Now that it is done, I'll leave you with this to contemplate: