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Cloud
Trafficker
Level 3: 193 points
Last Logged In: September 24th, 2013
TEAM: PD0 TEAM: Bike BART Psychogeographical Association Rank 2: Trafficker The University of Aesthematics Rank 1: Expert Society For Nihilistic Intent And Disruptive Efforts Rank 2: Trickster


25 + 15 points

Really petty theft by Cloud

December 8th, 2010 10:28 PM / Location: 45.535351,-122.6209

INSTRUCTIONS: Strive to commit the least significant criminal act possible. Consider turning yourself in to the authorities or leaving a trail of clues for detectives.

So, one of the many social networks I partake in is having an international Secret Santa exchange. I thought to myself, "Cloud, who wants a boring gift? Who wants to follow the rules?" I looked into the laws of holiday packages for a short weekend before I found a few worthy of breaking. Apparently it is very difficult, illegal even in some states, to ship alcohol if you are not an authorized alcohol distributer. Across country borders, it is illegal to lie about what is in the package you are shipping on the US Customs form attached to the outside of the package. Two birds with one stone!

All I know about my Secret Santa guy is that he lives in Canadia and he likes movies. So I decide to send him a new dvd of the movie Snatch, and a nice 22 oz. micro brew from Oregon. I wrapped the beer in 4 diapers (old school ones) and I tape it up. Then I put in the dvd and some packing paper. There's this odd unfilled corner of the box though - I need to do something about that. I go into the next room and I grab a crappy, taped-up camo jacket with non-functioning pockets from some surplus store. Shove that in there, I don't care if the giftee has a use for it, as long as it keeps my package safe.

I went to UPS and filled out a US Customs form. I lied about the cost of the items of course, because if the value is too high, there could be additional taxes or fees. Is there any alcohol in my box? No. How about anything with live cultures? No. After writing down the two honest items on the form, I fill in "balsamic vinegar" in the last slot. Breakable? Yes. It's in glass to prevent air from disturbing the freshness of it. I told them my cousin likes to enjoy a nice Italian salad with his movies - doused in none other than balsamic vinegar and olive oil. No one suspected a thing. Typically when you make someone an unwitting accomplice to breaking international law, it's best not to have to talk to them. I chatted the old mail lady up for a good 5 minutes and made her feel like she was helping me maintain a holiday family tradition.

I hope she loses her job if my box gets trapped at the border. But... I had to put my name on the box... what if this comes back to me?

+ larger

Rogue nation.
Snatch
Smooth
Yeah right!

5 vote(s)



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5 comment(s)

(no subject)
posted by relet 裁判長 on December 9th, 2010 12:44 AM

Hello reddit.

The narwhal
posted by Cloud on December 9th, 2010 9:19 AM

Bacons at midnight.

(no subject)
posted by APR dreamlands on December 9th, 2010 10:22 AM

Which of the two kinds of beer did you send? Or did you send both?

In general, I would have liked to have seen more seeking out of laws to break.

(no subject)
posted by Cloud on December 9th, 2010 10:29 AM

The Hazelnut Brown Nectar was the one I sent.

Who knows, maybe this is just the start of my criminal career?

(no subject)
posted by Ombwah on December 9th, 2010 8:24 PM

As an ex Ashland resident, and professional wordsmith, I appreciate the choice of Rogue. Double Entendre for the win.