Dear Gavin,

Hey dude, so congrats on winning the election again and all that. Those other dudes were such SQUARES. So anyway, I was wondering if you could give me some advice about a couple of few things. I know you are a serious dude who does some serious stuff, you nail your friends wife, you drink a drink and kiss a young girl. That is some Balls ass man junk happening there.
So what I am wondering is, how do you do it?
like, a lot of people have to like you or at least think you are pretty decent for you to win at politics, right? It's like all those votes are from people saying to themselves, "that gavin, that dude is COOL. his name is GAVIN" but you still get to party all out and get your wile on, and nobody cares.
but for me, and i can say this too you because we are both attractive dudes, but for me all these people are just way not feeling it, and(this is the part i can say) its not because i am not good looking or something, dig?
I like to drink too! i probably have a problem even, i dunno, my friends say i am annoying or something when i black out, but i think they just cant handle me being totally freed by the booze to just be free. You know? that thing people say how actual freedom scares people and stuff? i bet you do cause you are one free dude, and everyone loves you for it. So i dunno, do you think you could tell me how to be so cool and have a bunch of people like me? The things i do dont seem to work.
maybe i could lay down a situation, or some what-ifs;

What if you like a lady, do you call her? text her? what do you say?

what if you think a dude is an upstanding dude and you want to hang out with him, you think that it would be fun to "pal around" how do you do that? and how do you do that when you dont know each other that well, and how do you do that and make it seem not like you want kisses or butt sex(oh and how do you make it seem like you DO want kisses or butt sex with the lady, but have her be into it?)

What do you do if you have parties and dinners lined up for THE WHOLE WEEKEND and then there an oil spill?(see i think you should take care of the spill, but i dunno, that seems sorta obvious?)

See, for me i dunno, either i come on too strong or not strong enough.

Also, i have this rash i was hoping you could identify for me, i bet you are a guy with some rashes. but i'll send you a picture in my next letter(now you have something to look forward to!)


XXOO

-david









i will print this tomorrow and send it down to city hall!(i dont have a printer at home)