I am going to a pot luck dinner party this Sunday. I don't cook unless it's something very simple or I can avoid it; usually if I'm at a pot luck thing, I'll bring either an assortment of cheeses or, more likely, a sort of guilty hangdog expression.

BUT! I may not be able to make it, because the day before the Potluck, this Saturday, is MAY 21ST 2011 and that means that THE RAPTURE IS COMING.

TIME HAS AN END

I don't want the world to end without doing some more tasking, so I set about for another Chrononauts task. Between now and then I decided to go someplace that I will not be able to go in 10 years (or even a few days, thanks to the Rapture): HELL ON EARTH.

The best Satanic thing that I've seen around lately is this:

Vegan Black Metal Chef.

And it's cooking-related, so it works out perfectly.

My kitchen is also a place where I generally don't go. I work for a company that gives employees three meals a day, and I usually just go out to dinner other times. So my kitchen is where I store my LEGOs.



(Technically, my kitchen probably counts as a place where I won't be able to go in ten years, too -- I'm sure not going to be living in this same apartment ten years from now. And also the Rapture)

Step One: Clean Kitchen

The first step was to remove all the LEGOs from the kitchen, stack them in a less convenient place, and turn the kitchen into a place suitable for things like Laundry, a home for my beloved ficus Hermin, and, it seems, Black Metal Cooking.



Step Two: Recruit Friend Who Is Less Neurotically Avoidant Of Cooking

This is Mizu! I recruited her onto sf0 to help me with this, and over to my house, too. She's awesome and I suspect I will try to get her to help me with more sf0 tasks, but that's another story.



Step Three: Black Metal Getup

Of course, it was necessary to get to be a little more metal to do this. The closest I had was some makeup for goth clubs and an attempt at the intense death-metal nothing-clasp, but I think that'll do.



Mizu had a little more metal going, what with the cross and the black hair and the attitude.



Step Four: Watch Video A Few More Times

I'd already bought the ingredients at my local Asian supermarket (and it was odd: nowhere did the tamarind soup base say it was tamarind soup base in English, because apparently that would have confused the English-speakers. Instead, it was described as "Sour Fruit Soup Base" in English. I only guessed it was tamarind because the Spanish description looked like Tamarind. I couldn't read the Thai or Chinese.)

But we watched the video a few more times to get directions and because it was funny and Satanic and the Rapture is coming on Saturday anyway.



Step Five: Make Pad Thai

Because the gateway to Hell is to make Pad Thai! And Hell is where I won't be able to go in 10 years since the Rapture is this Saturday! Or my kitchen either.



Step Five: Headbang

When we started cooking, the pad thai did indeed not look very good. You tricked me! This sucks!



So we recruited Mizu's frog, Croakums, to call on the dark lords on our behalf. Croakums is problematic and eldritch like that. As a remorseless carnivore (like all frogs), Croakums objected to participating in veganism, but Mizu talked him into it by promising extra coffee.



Then we headbanged to summon the dark ones into our dish by any means possible.



Step Six: Enjoy

The pad thai was truly heavenly. And now I've got a delicious evil dish ready in case somehow the Rapture doesn't come.