Woe be unto you, those who dare disturb the resting place of this poor forgotten bottle of Spaghetti sauce and its once leafy green companion. What was once full of zest, garlic, oregano, fresh tomatoes, and (according to the label) high fructose corn syrup... is now just a jar full of sadness, anger, vinegar-like smells, and the fury of the pasta god. As an added bonus of discovery, next to it was a bag of spinach leaves, meant for consumption with the said sauce. Their fate ended just as poorly: Slime covered, rancid, slick brown globs of their former glory.

A proper burial has been arranged, all condolences, cards, and flowers can be sent to xxxx Timber Lane.