Greetings mindless sheep demons.
My name is Mr. Knight, I am running for SF0 senatorial office and herein be my platform of total success and merriment. Upon concluding your read of this short, but life-changing statement, you will promptly and willfully vote for me as I am clearly the only candidate worthy of your time. Behold.

Should I be elected to senate, I shall do the following to bring forth the pure joy from your miserable hearts:
- Fill the local municipalities and public places with kittens and puppies. Just imagine, you need a book from the library in order to figure out how to de-clog your toilet which overflows into the neighbors sauna. You enter and go to the reference section and while perusing the isle F997602B1 you hear "meow.... meeoooowwww..." You look down and, it couldn't be, but it is! A cuddly kitten to distract you from your meaningless task.

- Remove all speed limits. Limits are useless to you. I stand firmly by the idea that if you can't avoid being hit, or hitting something else, at whatever speed you are driving, then you shouldn't be conducting a motor vehicle. Under my supreme rule there shall be no fines or penalties for speeding of any sort what-so-ever UNLESS you hit, maim, kill, or scare any of the previously mentioned kittens and puppies which will inevitably escape their concrete boundaries and grace us with their cuteness in the streets.

- Free avocados for all. Avocados are delicious and if you don't like them then I don't want your vote. Perhaps you like to cut yours in half and fill the little place where the pit was with balsamic vinegar and oil? Perhaps you prefer just salt and pepper? Or maybe you mash it up into a paste and make avocado dressing? Or guacamole? Anyhow, the uses of the avocado are limitless (remember what I said about limits?) and so I will have free avocados stationed at every public building at all times. I will subsidize this enormous cost by renting out the previously mentioned kittens and puppies to wealthy, lonely, idiots for a hefty price.

- More swings. More swings in random places because who doesn't like to swing? No one. Everyone likes to swing and I shall have high quality swings installed all across the city and neighboring cities/towns. That way when you're walking to work, or perhaps to a local municipality to play with kittens and puppies, you can stop and swing your heart out. NOTE: kittens and puppies not allowed on swings due to possibilities of scaring them and/or death.

- Requisition of all parking lots and subsequent conversion into gardens and/or playgrounds. Should the parking lot be more than ground level, the interim levels which are not exposed to the sun shall be converted into large and complex dinosaur museums.


These are the four main points of my platform. The necessity of me taking office should be readily apparent to you now, but I will end with a link to a short video to secure your impending vote - please click here and observe what I shall bring to your life as senator.

That is all,
Mr. Knight