The turf at Heinz Field is notoriously real, but apart from the playing field the stadium desperately lacks greenery. Having won free tickets to the first Steelers preseason game in a drawing at work, I could think of no place more public or more in need of surreptitiously-placed potted plants.

I reviewed the security protocol at Heinz Field, and decided I couldn't just walk in with a potted plant. The thing would have to be pirated inside in pieces and potted on the scene.

I figured that being caught with a bottle full of dirt would get me kicked out, so I decided to disguise it as...a bag full of dirt.



Why would I be carrying a bag of dirt? Would you believe...a Bible-study tool?



The plant pot couldn't be very big or a real pot. I went to the dollar store hoping to find a collapsible cup (for camping) or some kind of plastic box that I could assemble without the cover. Instead I found this:



Perfect.

I chose mint sprigs because I had spent a few weeks getting them to root anyway, and because I knew they could survive for a little while out of soil. After a few false starts I decided to smuggle them inside disguised as a toothbrush. I wrapped the roots in a moist paper towel.



My co-attendee didn't want to get arrested, so I carried everything in my own purse. Upon entering, the security guard patted me down, checked in all three compartments of my purse, and waved me through the gate. We were in.

After exorbitantly-priced (and exorbitantly delicious) pizza in the exclusive Club West, we stopped in the ladies' room to assemble the contraband. The dirt made it through without leaking. The mint was only slightly crushed. I potted the plant in the end stall and placed it in an alcove between two boxes of Kleenex.



By the end of the game, the plant was still there (but someone had stolen one of the boxes of Kleenex).



For the evening's adventure, I set my Facebook status to: "using corporate resources to perpetrate minor anarchy. Ask me how!" This is how. And I am pleased to report a total, thrilling success.