Consider this a warm up. I've been away for a while and I'm willing to admit that this is my dullest completion. Originally, I had a more convoluted completion that too far stretched the demands of the task as I envisioned them. It involved a large number of sheep.

But, if you are looking for a lot of fluffy whiteness and following behavior then you are in luck. In lieu of sheep, let me tell you about The Running of the Brides.

Getting married (the wedding part) is probably a lot like turning into a vampire. From the outside, especially for the girl, it seems like a great deal: Obviously, you'll be thinner and prettier. People will treat you with more (fear-based) respect. You get to wear whatever you want. You'll have minions.

Soon after, though, you begin to realize that the whole thing is a bit romanticized. Your schedule is restricted by demands of the role, the minions resent you, and if you want to stay looking as good as you did on that Big Day, you'll have to make some serious changes to your diet.

Three different people sent me emails about the Running of the Brides that occurred in Boston. I guess they thought it would help me find a wedding dress; instead, it fed my morbid curiosity about the terrifying extremes of American consumerism. It's where hundreds of people form teams, line up, and then engage in horrendous behavior to acquire a wedding dress at a serious discount. So, I decided to try on dresses in a way I hadn't heard of before.

The store that hosts this recommends that you recruit a team and assign jobs before you go. I asked various coworkers, including one male one who said that he couldn't attend for the same reason that he can't stand reality television. I agree. Going to the Running is like watching Jerry Springer. You look on in horror and try to convince yourself that it's staged in an effort to retain faith in your fellow man.

I walked through observing and being shoved by dress-shoppers On A Mission and then left for work, not because I needed to be on time, but because I find the company at the homeless shelter more pleasant. I convinced player Haiku to meet me back at the scene in the afternoon so that I could get photos of me trying on dresses. More detailed descriptions of the way the Running works are in the captions. Had I realized that having a team was the key to a successful run, I would have put one together. I didn't sincerely believe that same coworker when he described the sartorial dog pack behavior and thought I could lone wolf it. I was wrong. When I say that the first groups in there took every dress, I mean it. Even the ones that looked like stripper costumes.