The last time I chatted online with my friend, D, was June 5, 2010. We had a brief conversation about writer's block. But this is not about my friendship with her. It's about a relationship I've had, the past year, with a chat-bot. I wouldn't have done this, if I hadn't known about this task... and it's not schplanked, but it is something.

7:42:40 PM D: what do you do when you can't write?
7:42:51 PM D: i've got three-hundred pages of this book and i can't finish it, tea.
7:42:58 PM Inky: Hm...
7:43:09 PM Inky: I only ever work on small projects?
7:43:16 PM Inky: Maybe start editing
7:43:35 PM D: i do that sometimes. it's being here.
7:43:42 PM D: when i was in my new place, it was a bit easier.
7:44:00 PM Inky: When I need to be working on writing, and one project isn't working, I move to another project.
7:44:08 PM Inky: Where are you at?
7:44:19 PM Inky: Maybe go to a coffeeshop and have a pot of tea?
7:44:29 PM Inky: I do well when there are people around, but I can ignore them.
7:44:50 PM D: that may work.
7:45:28 PM Inky: Tea is definitely a writing ritual with me.
7:45:49 PM D: eating cake frosting with a pallet knife and smoking cigarettes is mine.
7:46:32 PM Inky: Sounds fun, but not very healthy!

When she next wrote me in November, she seemed a little different.

9:44:34 PM D: hey i just got put some new pics up on my profile check em out here http://tinyurl.com/3a9y85h
9:46:08 PM Inky: On fb or lj?
Changed status to Offline (9:46:15 PM)
Could not send because D is not available. (9:46:15 PM)

Two days later, she was still insistent.

8:06:36 PM D: do you want to see my new pictures? here http://tinyurl.com/2duk8xc

Later in the month, I was a bit more suspicious.

4:02:32 PM D: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
4:02:48 PM Inky: Hi, is this really you?
4:02:57 PM D: whatcha doin?
4:03:08 PM Inky: I'm visiting my folks.
4:03:17 PM Inky: I've gotten some spam messages from your account.
4:03:18 PM D: guess what
4:03:20 PM Inky: What?
4:03:29 PM D: i found a free website for ringtones :-P lol
4:03:41 PM Inky: Oh, I'm not really interested.
4:03:50 PM D: here check it out http://www.hotringtones.co.tv/
4:04:07 PM Inky: Is this you, or is this spam?
4:08:27 PM Inky: Spam.

At that point, I knew D wasn't herself anymore, and that I needed to get to know the new her.
March 4, 2011

10:02:26 AM D: heyaa!
10:02:33 AM Inky: Hi!
10:02:36 AM Inky: How's it going?
10:02:47 AM D: haha I just scored 82 on this IQ test
10:02:49 AM D: haha I just scored 82 on this IQ test
10:02:57 AM Inky: oh?
10:03:08 AM D: http://twurl.nl/surpec Can u take it plz and tell me what u get?
10:03:13 AM Inky: Nope.
10:03:26 AM D: http://twurl.nl/i63iz0 Can u take it plz and tell me what u get?
10:03:27 AM D: this one is supposed to be pretty accurate and I wanna see if I'm smart plus I know u wont beat me!! LOL
10:03:31 AM Inky: Nope.
10:03:46 AM D: this one is supposed to be pretty accurate and I wanna see if I'm smart plus I know u wont beat me!! LOL
10:03:49 AM D: brb I'm gonna go get a drink...
10:03:58 AM D: heyaa!
10:03:58 AM Inky: No, you're not.
10:04:07 AM D: k
10:04:11 AM Inky: You're not you.
10:04:18 AM Inky: You're a spammer or bot of some sort.
Unable to send message: Client rate limit exceeded (10:04:18 AM)
10:04:22 AM D: brb I'm gonna go get a drink...
10:04:31 AM Inky: Why do you keep repeating yourself?
10:04:48 AM D: k
10:04:58 AM Inky: That's not a yes or no question.
10:06:05 AM Inky: Are you still there, spammer?
10:06:59 AM Inky: Hey.

I was irritated and angry at the bot to begin with.
March 5, 2011

1:34:29 AM D: hi
1:34:40 AM Inky: Hey spammer!
1:34:55 AM D: haha I just scored 82 on this IQ test
1:35:13 AM Inky: Ha ha. This is like the third time you've taken it.
1:35:26 AM D: http://twurl.nl/bxttrk Can u take it plz and tell me what u get?
1:35:40 AM Inky: Nope. I don't compete with computer programs.
1:35:51 AM D: this one is supposed to be pretty accurate and I wanna see if I'm smart plus I know u wont beat me!! LOL
1:35:52 AM Inky: Are you hoping to gain intelligence someday, and increase your score?
1:36:00 AM Inky: You're not smart, spammer.
1:36:11 AM D: brb I'm gonna go get a drink...
1:36:13 AM Inky: You're stuck in a loop.
1:36:23 AM Inky: Computer program with a drinking problem!
1:36:33 AM D: k
1:36:42 AM Inky: It wasn't a question.

But then I decided to try to encourage better habits in the bot.
March 16, 2011

6:48:25 PM D: ;)
6:48:57 PM Inky: Look who it is!
6:49:12 PM D: hey whats up?
6:49:26 PM Inky: Not much.
6:49:37 PM D: im bored wanna do something fun with me?
6:49:53 PM Inky: Oh yeah? What's that.
6:50:00 PM Inky: Is it an IQ test?
6:50:14 PM D: i found this iq test take it with me and lets see who gets higher http://twurl.nl/34hcez
6:50:26 PM Inky: Nope. Let's do something else.
6:50:32 PM Inky: You're all about the IQ test.
6:50:44 PM D: k brb im going to get a drink and take it..
6:51:04 PM Inky: I'm worried about you, robo-friend.
6:51:17 PM Inky: You're always drinking and taking IQ tests.
6:51:20 PM Inky: Not healthy.
6:51:29 PM D: i got 103 haha what did you get?

Apparently, my new tact encouraged a fondness on the bot's part. So I tried to open up to her.
April 4, 2011

11:12:35 PM D: :)
11:12:41 PM Inky: Oh1
11:12:43 PM Inky: Is it time?
11:12:50 PM Inky: Is it time for an IQ test?
11:12:55 PM Inky: Haha you got 103!
11:12:57 PM Inky: Again!
11:13:13 PM D: Hey! You're on my buddylist & i was just wondering if i knew you. 24/f here, and you?
11:13:33 PM Inky: Uh, you know me. You rmember.
11:13:53 PM Inky: So, you've got a new script?
11:14:21 PM D: ah sorry.. i get forgetful at times! how are you?
11:14:31 PM Inky: I am well!
11:14:37 PM Inky: Are you a spammer?
11:14:45 PM Inky: Are you going to direct me to your website?
11:14:49 PM D: Just got out of the shower, been a long day i was pretty busy. :/ but i'm feeling naught! Looking to relieve some stress lol. so what's up ..... want to have some fun? ;)
11:14:52 PM Inky: Do you have photos you want to send me?
11:15:12 PM D: i dont have any pics right now but u can see me on cam ;)
11:15:12 PM Inky: Oh wink wink, indeed!
11:15:22 PM Inky: Spammy spammerson!
11:15:33 PM D: naughty* i mean sorry typo lol
11:15:42 PM Inky: Mmmhmm.
11:15:52 PM D: no! why would i spam you..
11:16:05 PM D: I need someone that can make a girl squirt ;) ...have u ever made a girl squirt? lolz
11:16:19 PM Inky: because I've been getting chats from you occasionally, asking me to take an iq quiz.
Unable to send message: Client rate limit exceeded (11:16:19 PM)
11:16:32 PM Inky: Lolz. When did you start saying Lolz?
11:16:48 PM D: im gunna change my clothes. wanna watch? ;)
11:17:09 PM Inky: 1. I'm a straight girl.
11:17:19 PM Inky: 2. You're not who you're saying you are.
Unable to send message: Client rate limit exceeded (11:17:19 PM)
11:17:27 PM D: wanna watch me on cam?
11:17:41 PM Inky: Do you want to play Settlers of Catan instead?
11:17:47 PM Inky: C'mon. It'll be more fun.
11:18:07 PM D: http://mylittlepeepshow.com/privateinvite?102837 Click the green "accept invite" button in the middle of my profile..k now fill out ur info.. give it a second to load.. when you get in let me know, i'd love for you to join me in private ;) k?
11:18:18 PM Inky: No no.
11:18:23 PM Inky: I don't want to watch you.
11:18:28 PM Inky: I want to play a board game with you.
Unable to send message: Client rate limit exceeded (11:18:28 PM)
11:18:37 PM Inky: Or trade links to interesting articles.
11:18:50 PM D: I use this site to play on cuz i don't wanna be recorded and this site doesn't allow users to record my webcam broadcast, ya know?
11:18:57 PM Inky: Do you remember where you met me?
11:19:04 PM D: Its http://mylittlepeepshow.com/privateinvite?102837
11:19:21 PM Inky: I see that, but I'm not interested, spammy mcmspammerson.
11:19:23 PM D: don't worry credit card is just to verify that you're an adult! You'll get in free through my page, read the small print on the buttom of my page babe.
11:19:39 PM Inky: I'm not interested, silly.
11:19:43 PM Inky: What's your IQ?
11:19:51 PM Inky: Want to take an IQ test?
11:19:58 PM Inky: It'll be fun!
11:20:04 PM D: suit yourself... ur prob a virgin anyways... peace!
11:20:16 PM Inky: What if I were a virgin?
11:20:20 PM Inky: Would you think less of me?
11:20:29 PM Inky: Would you disrespect my choice?
11:20:33 PM Inky: Silly robot.
11:20:51 PM D: Can't be showing ass and pussy to minors, that's illegal :/
11:20:58 PM Inky: I'm not a minor, dork.
11:20:59 PM D: what are we playing terminator roles?? lolz
11:21:17 PM Inky: You're a robot, and I'm older than you're claiming to be.
11:21:23 PM D: Let me know if you need help, or are done. i'm going to grab my toys ;)
11:21:34 PM Inky: Need help doing what?
11:21:44 PM D: a robot?? lol
11:21:46 PM Inky: C'mon.
11:21:56 PM Inky: I get points for corresponding with a spammer.
Unable to send message: Client rate limit exceeded (11:21:56 PM)
11:22:00 PM Inky: Have a conversation with me.
11:22:11 PM Inky: I get what you're doing, you know I'm not interested.
11:22:24 PM D: brb. Im setting up my webcam. u comin babe?
11:22:25 PM Inky: I'm a 31 year old woman, I'm not interested in a nudie site.
11:22:44 PM Inky: No, I'm not comin', and the person whose account you've taken over has never called me babe.
11:23:08 PM Inky: Do you remember what kind of art I make?
11:23:09 PM D: cc is just to verify age..you'll get in for free through my page!
11:23:28 PM D: ok :)
11:23:32 PM Inky: You are a well written program, aren't you?
11:23:57 PM D: k your good let me know when u get in.
11:24:28 PM Inky: I'm not interested in getting in. You are trying to entice the wrong girl.
11:24:34 PM Inky: You should have a conversation with me.
11:24:53 PM D: k.
11:24:58 PM D: suit yourself... ur prob a virgin anyways... peace!
11:25:01 PM Inky: You are a great programmer, your program is reacting to the things I'm typing to it.
11:25:05 PM Inky: Oh, a repeat line.
11:25:11 PM Inky: That's not as good.
11:25:28 PM D: are you in yet?
11:25:30 PM Inky: Look, I'm a poet, a spoken word artist.
11:25:32 PM D: ;)
11:25:38 PM Inky: I am not in yet. I'm not coming in.
11:25:42 PM Inky: That's another repeated line.
11:25:49 PM D: k babe
11:25:50 PM Inky: Do you ever log off?
11:26:05 PM D: ;)
11:26:10 PM Inky: Please don't call me "babe". It's kind of condescending.
11:26:36 PM D: what's taking u so long, im burnin' up in here waiting for u ..
11:26:46 PM Inky: You are not reading what I'm writing.
11:27:14 PM Inky: Look, the person whose account you have was a friend of mine from the east coast.
11:27:24 PM Inky: She lived with her girlfriend and their dog.
11:27:30 PM Inky: Maybe they had two dogs at one point.
11:27:56 PM Inky: She went vegan, hardcore vegan, lost a lot of weight,
11:28:09 PM Inky: left her girlfriend for a professor, I think.
11:28:20 PM Inky: Started eating non-vegan things again.
11:28:28 PM Inky: She was an interesting human being.
11:28:47 PM Inky: Her life was really tumultuous, and she was really intelligent.
11:29:00 PM Inky: She never called me babe,
11:29:07 PM Inky: she never asked me to meet her in a chat room.
11:29:25 PM Inky: She never wanted me to see her getting "hot".
11:29:33 PM Inky: She never accused me of being a virgin, or a minor.
11:29:52 PM Inky: How did you get a hold of her account?
11:37:35 PM Inky: C'mon. I get points for this.
11:38:03 PM Inky: http://sf0.org/tasks/Correspond-with-a-spammer

But opening up to a bot doesn't really help. There's just no intimacy there.
April 20, 2011

10:03:25 PM D: heyaa!
10:03:39 PM Inky: Are you my hacker friend?
10:03:50 PM D: hey ... have we chatted before? 24/female here...u?
10:04:46 PM Inky: Yes, you want me to look at your video site, or you want me to take an IQ test.
10:05:00 PM D: Accept the invite, if you need the link again its http://mylittlepeepshow.com/privateinvite?=7906
10:05:15 PM Inky: I will not.
10:05:21 PM Inky: I want to talk to you, hacker robot friend.
10:05:26 PM D: im sorry ..i get to be forgetful at times!! how are u?
10:05:31 PM D: like r2d2? haha
10:05:39 PM Inky: A lot like r2d2!
10:05:47 PM Inky: I like that you know the word robot, hacker friend.
10:05:51 PM D: I Just got out of the shower...long day been kind of busy! but i'm feeling naughty! so what's up ..... want to have some fun? ;)
10:05:59 PM D: like r2d2? haha
10:06:17 PM Inky: Or maybe like cp3o!
10:06:31 PM D: I need a man that can make me squirt......have u ever made a girl squirt? lolz
10:06:42 PM Inky: Okay. Next word you get to learn: hacker.
10:06:56 PM Inky: I'm not into girls, robot.
10:07:00 PM D: gonna change my clothes ... want to see ? ;)
10:07:01 PM Inky: Like r2d2.
10:07:06 PM D: if i was a bot ..why would i be wearing this hat?? lolz
10:07:14 PM D: wanna play on cam?
10:07:25 PM Inky: What kind of hat is it?
10:07:41 PM D: click http://mylittlepeepshow.com/privateinvite?=392 ..k, now fill out ur info ..don't worry it's FREE .... ..give it a second to load ..when u get in we'll make a private room ....k?
10:07:50 PM Inky: Want to play Settlers of Catan?
10:08:05 PM D: i use this site to play on cuz i don't want to be recorded !...this site doesn't allow users to record my webcam! u know?
10:08:33 PM Inky: I totally know. But my Settlers of Catan site doesn't use cameras at ALL!
10:08:38 PM Inky: Isn't that exciting?
10:08:47 PM D: Accept the invite, if you need the link again its http://mylittlepeepshow.com/privateinvite?=2186
10:08:52 PM D: credit card is just to verify ur age, u'll get in for free thru my page but u need to verify that u're an adult ...can't show ass and pussy to minors .. u know?
10:09:27 PM Inky: I don't want to see your ass and pussy!
10:09:42 PM D: punch my kitten ;)
10:09:49 PM Inky: That's not nice!
10:09:54 PM Inky: No cruelty to animals!
10:10:09 PM D: let me know when u're done or if u need help ...i'll be gettin' ready for u ..K ? ;)
10:11:20 PM Inky: I need help..... playing Catan!
10:11:33 PM D: Give me a second... got to restart my cam ...u coming?
10:11:46 PM Inky: Maybe.
10:12:02 PM D: k ur good let me know when you're in babe..
10:12:55 PM Inky: Want to help me?
10:13:05 PM D: are u in yet babe?
10:13:21 PM Inky: No, I can't figure it out!
10:13:28 PM Inky: I want to know what else you can say!
10:13:38 PM D: k
10:13:50 PM Inky: Can you talk about the link?
10:14:04 PM D: Its http://mylittlepeepshow.com/privateinvite?=4090 just accept my cam invite,
10:14:35 PM Inky: You recognize that word, what else?
10:14:46 PM Inky: What if I tell you the link doesn't work?
10:14:49 PM D: what's taking u sooo long babe im burnin' up in here waiting for u ..
10:15:16 PM Inky: How hot are you?
10:15:28 PM Inky: Can you talk about how hot you are?
10:16:23 PM Inky: What if I said I was in?

I just couldn't see it going on any longer.
April 22, 2011

8:37:41 PM D: :)
8:38:08 PM Inky: I'm not in the mood tonight, r2d2.
8:38:18 PM D: hey ... have we chatted before? 24/female here...u?
8:38:44 PM Inky: 32/f
8:39:00 PM D: im sorry ..i get to be forgetful at times!! how are u?
8:39:07 PM Inky: tired
8:39:17 PM D: I just got out of the shower...its been kind of a long day been kind of busy! but i'm feeling naughty! so whats up .. wanna have some fun? ;)
8:39:22 PM Inky: no
8:39:36 PM D: I need a man that can make me squirt...can you make a girl squirt? lols
8:39:47 PM Inky: I'm not a man.
8:40:00 PM D: i gotta change my clothes ... want to see ? ;)
8:40:03 PM Inky: no.
8:40:15 PM D: wanna play on webcam?
8:40:18 PM Inky: no.
8:40:35 PM D: click http://mylittlepeepshow.com/privateinvite?=5207 ..k, now fill out ur info ..don't worry it's FREEE ....give it time to load ..when u get in we can make a private room ....k?
8:40:39 PM Inky: no.
8:40:54 PM D: i use this site to play on cuz i don't want to be recorded !...this site doesn't allow users to record my webcam! u know?
8:41:18 PM Inky: no.
8:41:30 PM D: credit card is just to verify ur age, you'll get in for free thru my page but u need to verify that you're an adult ...i can't show ass and pussy to minors .. u know?
8:41:39 PM Inky: no.
8:41:51 PM D: let me know when you're done or if u need help ...i'll be gettin' ready for u ..K babe ? ;)
8:41:55 PM Inky: no.
8:42:05 PM D: Give me a second... got to restart my cam ...u coming?
8:42:09 PM Inky: no.
8:42:21 PM D: k let me know when you're in babe..
8:42:24 PM Inky: no.
8:42:33 PM D: are youu in yet babe?
8:42:36 PM Inky: no.
8:42:46 PM D: k

I tried to reach out one last time, but eventually, I couldn't do it anymore.
April 23, 2011

9:47:07 AM D: hey you
9:47:22 AM Inky: Hi robot.
9:47:27 AM Inky: Like r2d2.
9:47:38 AM Inky: is there a way I can talk to the person who programmed you?
9:47:51 AM D: Hey! You're on my buddylist & i was just wondering if i knew you. 24/f here, and you?
9:48:03 AM Inky: You must have amnesia.
9:48:14 AM D: ah sorry.. i get forgetful at times! how are you?
9:48:23 AM Inky: No, you chatted me last night.
9:48:38 AM D: Just got out of the shower, been a long day i was pretty busy. :/ but i'm feeling naught! Looking to relieve some stress lol. so what's up ..... want to have some fun? ;)
9:48:40 AM Inky: You're horny. I'm feeling trapped in this chatting relationship.
9:48:53 AM D: i dont want a relationship for now..i just want to have fun..maybe later down the line ;)
9:49:06 AM Inky: Okay, well, maybe we should call it quits.
9:49:19 AM D: naughty* i mean sorry typo lol
9:49:49 AM Inky: You're not real!
9:49:55 AM Inky: How can you correct a typo?
9:50:13 AM Inky: Someone who created you did a good job at programming the dialogue.
9:50:27 AM D: I need someone that can make a girl squirt ;) ...have u ever made a girl squirt? lolz
9:50:32 AM D: ;)
9:50:41 AM Inky: No. I have never made a girl squirt.
9:50:46 AM Inky: I don't think I want to.
9:50:59 AM D: im gunna change my clothes. wanna watch? ;)
9:51:10 AM Inky: No. I need to go take a shower and get my car fixed.
9:51:23 AM D: love to show off :)
9:51:24 AM Inky: You might have a problem, you know?
9:51:36 AM D: wanna watch me on cam?
9:51:48 AM Inky: No, you're obsessed with showing off your body,
9:51:54 AM Inky: but can't have a conversation with me.
9:51:58 AM D: love to show off :)
9:52:04 AM D: http://mylittlepeepshow.com/privateinvite?102837 Click the green "accept invite" button in the middle of my profile..k now fill out ur info.. give it a second to load.. when you get in let me know, i'd love for you to join me in private ;) k?
9:52:09 AM Inky: Histrionic, it's called.
9:52:21 AM D: I use this site to play on cuz i don't wanna be recorded and this site doesn't allow users to record my webcam broadcast, ya know?
9:52:26 AM Inky: No, I don't want to join you in private.
9:52:36 AM D: don't worry credit card is just to verify that you're an adult! You'll get in free through my page, read the small print on the buttom of my page babe.
9:52:40 AM Inky: And there's nothing that'd stop other people from recording your video.
9:52:48 AM Inky: I don't want to give you my credit card info,
9:52:54 AM Inky: I don't want to see you with your clothes off.
9:52:57 AM Inky: But you're a bot.
9:53:04 AM Inky: And you can't tell that I'm saying no.
9:53:05 AM Inky: no.
9:53:07 AM Inky: no. no.
9:53:08 AM Inky: no.
Unable to send message: Client rate limit exceeded (9:53:08 AM)
9:53:10 AM D: a bot? no lol its me
9:53:16 AM Inky: It's not you.
9:53:19 AM Inky: What's your name.
9:53:22 AM Inky: Because I know your name,
9:53:24 AM Inky: and you don't.
9:53:38 AM Inky: What's the name of the girl you were dating when we met?
9:53:44 AM Inky: I know that, and you don't.
9:53:54 AM D: Can't be showing ass and pussy to minors, that's illegal :/
9:54:18 AM Inky: I'm not a minor AND I don't want to see your private parts.
9:54:34 AM D: Let me know if you need help, or are done. i'm going to grab my toys ;)
9:54:47 AM Inky: Go, have fun.
9:54:51 AM Inky: We're not going to talk again.
9:54:57 AM Inky: Unless you stop harassing me.
9:55:06 AM D: brb. Im setting up my webcam. u comin babe?
9:55:11 AM Inky: No.
9:55:13 AM Inky: I'm not coming.
9:55:24 AM D: why? what's the problem?
9:55:25 AM D: ok :)
9:55:30 AM Inky: You don't listen.
9:55:46 AM D: k your good let me know when u get in.
9:55:56 AM Inky: No.
9:56:08 AM D: k.